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SCARS™ Scam Recovery: Victim’s 7 Deadly Sins
When Scam Victims Cross The Line
WARNING: This Is Going To Be A Fire And Brimstone Kind Of Sermon About Scam Victims
Its purpose is not to blame, shame, or condemn, but to help recent victims understand that their after-scam decisions have just as many consequences as their decision to let their scammer in.
Who Are We To Talk About This?
SCARS is a victims assistance and support organization. We have helped millions of victims learn about scams and start on the path to recovery – literally 3.5 to 5 million a year. In addition, we have directly helped thousands recover through our own support groups. We are also the only incorporated nonprofit registered online crime victims’ assistance organization – we literally wrote the book on scam victim recovery. We have seen it all and help scam victims find the better path, but sadly many victims will rush headlong over the cliff into continuing destructiveness. This article is intended to help victims understand the directions they have or may yet take.
There Are Things That Some Victims Do After A Scam That Are Difficult To Reconcile And This Article Is About These
This is going to be an article that will be harsh, pulling no punches, and judgmental. Because behavior that harms other victims is not acceptable whether done by a scammer or by another victim. It will not apply to most of you, but you still need to know this because you will encounter them.
The First Fails
First, let’s talk about the inherent challenges facing a recent victim because most of the lasting mistakes start right after the scam.
- Many victims are in a panic and start making decisions from a position of fear. Obviously, that is not the mindset to start planning next steps or thinking clearly.
- Other victims are enraged and hate so much that all they see is the enemy and want them dead by whatever means is possible. Anyone that gets in their way or disagrees with them is also the enemy.
- Others are envigorated following their scam – they have something of a revelation – that they personally are going to stop all the scammers and only they know the answer.
- Still, others find themselves in various delusional states and act on them. We would hope they find help but many do not.
- Also, many victims will fall into a state of denial and while this is harmful to themselves and their immediate friends and family, it is not really harmful to other victims directly – but it is indirectly.
It is during this initial period that many of the victims that are unable to recover or fall into more severe states emerge. We hope that if you see these tendencies in yourself that you will work to control or overcome them, seeking professional help as needed. If you see these in others be cautious as the can drag you down just like a lifeguard saving a drowning swimmer.
The Longer Fails
Many scam victims after the scam embark on long journeys that can extend for years. These are the missionaries that channel their pain or anger into missions to save or guide other victims. Many believe that only they know the answer and everyone else is an enemy. Many believe that victims should only follow them.
They are frequently vigilantes too who believe that no one is doing anything and they will stop scamming all by themselves.
Still others, transform into cynical victims who delight in playing with scammers.
While it is true that there are many who have very useful skills that they have acquired throughout their lives, the majority of those that fall into these traps do not. They rely on their conviction, obsession, or fantasy, that they are the right person with the right ideas and do not have to listen to anyone else because they just know what to do. If they were in other walks of life they would live in a bunker or wear tinfoil hats!
7 DEADLY SINS
When we say deadly sins we mean actions that cause harm to others.
Everyone has the right to choose how they recover and react after a traumatic experience. However, they do not have the right to hurt others or get in the way of real solutions.
In fact, many of these actions are illegal in many Western Countries.
The Deadly Seven
Here is our list of the Seven Deadly Sins that a subset of victims engage in after they have been traumatized by a romance scam:
- Messiahs & Cult Anti-Scam Group Creators – Capturing Other Victims With Urban Legends, Half-Truths, And Destructive Methods
- Haters & Trolls Attacking All That Disagree – Only They Are Right
- Vigilantes That Believe No One Is Doing Anything So They Have To Do It
- Scam Baiters » That Turn Scammers Into Toys Or A Sport
- Trackers & Stalkers » Of The Face In The Photo – Invading The Lives Of Other Victims
- Panicked Victims That Cling To Other Victims Looking To Be Saved
- Mules & Moles » Still Believing In Their Scams And Serving Their Scammers
We have written extensively on each and every one of these topics in the past and will again as the continuing need arises. We will not go into detail about each of these except to explain briefly why they are harmful to others.
Messiahs & Cult Anti-Scam Group Creators
Almost every day another victim believes they are an instant expert and creates yet another anti-scam group. They create a page on social media and start plastering it with mostly useless information. Worse still is that because of their lack of skill and knowledge they profoundly increase the trauma for many victims by their never-ending focus of forcing victims to view an endless stream of scammer photos. The majority of victims are traumatized after a scam and leading them to believe that “exposing” scammers to the public will stop scamming is ridiculous. Instead, it continuously forces other victims to relive their experience in these photos which can cause or trigger other effects that can limit or delay their ability to recover, or worse transform them into vigilantes or haters. Repetitive exposure to trauma can also lead to PTSD »
Victims Assistance is a profession with formalized training, certifications, and registrations in most Western Countries. The United States Department of Justice is the leader in the field through its Office of Victims of Crime and their sponsored organizations such as the National Center for Victims of Crime (which SCARS is registered under). The amateur messiah groups are not registered, not trained, not professional, and are simply harmful in most cases. SCARS maintains a strong set of ethical standards and a Code of Conduct for all of its Member Groups. Amateur and fake groups to not!
Haters & Trolls
Many victims succumb to their own hate for scammers and fall into a permanent state of anger against anyone that does not follow the same beliefs that they have.
Frequently they will also create their own anti-scam “ScamHaters” groups and wage war against others that properly help scam victims. The main problem with them and the messiahs is they tend to appeal to recent victims’ need for action and justice, and as such draw them into these fake amateur groups which can profoundly affect the recent victim’s ability to recover properly. In addition, their constant hate and battles against more rational groups or organizations that are making real progress create a general condition of confusion and can slow real progress against ending scamming overall.
A variation on the haters and messiahs are the Vigilantes. These are victims that decide they are going to be the investigators, enforcers, judge, and jury of scammers. Unfortunately, it is also for anyone that gets in their way.
There is nothing wrong with investigating your own scam – within reason. What we mean is that after you have been scammed you want to know all you can about what happened to you – or at least you should. You may not understand how it happened and you may feel a sense of duty to help prevent it – that is admirable. However, if it is driven by rage or hate it becomes something altogether different. It becomes destructive and harmful to others, and in many cases harmful to yourself.
It is important to recognize that there are limits to what you can do. By wanting to investigate these crimes victims have actually attacked the real people pictured int he stolen photos or other have harassed law enforcement for not doing enough when their hands are tied by international law and treaties. Vigilantes are over the top in terms of their reactions to a process that is now accelerating. Instead of being part of the solution they chose to let their limited experience and knowledge make them a barrier to real progress.
We have published extensively on Scam Baiters » in the past, but a brief review is in order as a part of this article.
Scambaiters play with scammers based upon the belief that wasting a scammer’s time will reduce the number of victims or somehow magically cause scammers to give up. It is a complete self-conceit – meaning that it is a fantasy. Scambaiting accomplishes NOTHING useful. If it did then why has scam baiting not resulted in any meaningful arrests or even a reduction in scamming? It simply is nothing more than masturbation by the scam baiters, and worst the scam baiters are actually spending their time training scammers to be better at their communication skills. By the level of time that scam baiters spend with scammers in conversations it improves the language skills and knowledge of the individual scammers and thus allows them to be more effective in scamming others. The result? Scambaiters create better scammers!
Scam baiters have turned the activity into a sport. They have clubs and groups devoted to baiting scammers and sharing their trophies (chat or email sessions). It is a self-indulgent – self-gratification and nothing more. Of course, they hate our organization because of our position on the subject. Our position is that if you engage in fraud online regardless of the goal you are also a fraudster. You cannot use the tactics of scammers without it rubbing off on you, and this certainly does nothing to help them or others recover from the trauma of a scam. However, we do admit it makes good comedy!
While the police may not prosecute for it, scam baiting is engaging in online fraud against the scammers and is certainly unethical unless done by law enforcement.
Learn more about Scambaiting here »
Trackers & Stalkers
One of the things that recent victims do that is profoundly disturbing is tracking down the real face in the photos that were stolen and used to scam them.
In the victim’s state of panic and confusion, this can be somewhat excused briefly. It is arguably natural to be curious about who’s face was in the photo that they formed an attachment to – a relationship with. They may want to do Google searches to identify the real person in the photo. But it is important to know for a fact – that the victim did not and does not have a relationship with that person – only with their photo. This is where curiosity can turn into an obsession or delusion and even into criminal behavior.
Why would someone believe that it was acceptable to stalk a real person and invade their life? Many victims use the excuse that