Romance Scams
A Relationship Scam

A Romance Scam is a form of fraud where criminals exploit emotional vulnerability to gain financial, personal, or psychological advantage over their victims.

A Romance Scam is a part of a broader category of Trust-Based Relationship Scams

This crime involves building a fake relationship, often through online platforms such as dating websites, social media, or messaging apps, with the primary goal of manipulating the victim into sending money, providing personal information, or performing compromising actions. Unlike straightforward financial fraud, romance scams target human connection, making them one of the most damaging and deceptive crimes in the modern digital landscape.

Romance scams can take many forms, but most follow a similar structure. The scammer creates a false identity, often using stolen photos and fabricated personal details to appear trustworthy and attractive. They may present themselves as successful professionals, military personnel, entrepreneurs, or individuals living or working abroad. Their stories are designed to create both credibility and distance, making it easier to explain why they cannot meet in person.

However, a romance scam can also involve the scammer’s real identity and even elements fo their real-life story, such as with Filipinos, Latin Americans, and Eastern European scammers. They do this is facilitate the crime and reduce risk, since in the eyes of the law, the victim voluntarily engaged with the scammer – thus becoming a gift rather than a scam.

Once contact is established, the scammer invests time and energy into building an emotional bond. They engage the victim with daily conversations, affectionate messages, and promises of love or long-term commitment. Some interactions escalate quickly, with the scammer expressing strong romantic feelings within days or weeks. This tactic is known as love bombing and is used to lower the victim’s defenses and create emotional dependence.

After establishing trust, the scammer introduces a crisis or urgent situation that requires financial help. They might claim to be stranded overseas, facing medical emergencies, dealing with legal problems, or unable to access their own funds due to technical issues. These stories are carefully crafted to trigger sympathy, fear, and urgency, pushing the victim to send money. Scammers often request funds through wire transfers, gift cards, cryptocurrency, or other untraceable methods, making recovery of lost money extremely difficult.

In some cases, the scammer never directly asks for money but instead manipulates the victim into providing personal information, compromising photos, or access to bank accounts. These tactics lead to identity theft, blackmail, or continued exploitation over time. The crime can stretch over weeks, months, or even years, with the scammer maintaining constant contact to keep the deception alive.

Victims of romance scams come from all demographics, but certain groups face increased risk. Middle-aged and older adults are frequent targets, particularly those experiencing loneliness, grief, or social isolation. Many victims are intelligent, successful, and capable individuals who never imagined they could be manipulated in this way. The stereotype that only the gullible fall for romance scams is false and harmful. Scammers use sophisticated psychological techniques to exploit normal human emotions like trust, hope, and compassion.

Another vulnerable group includes those recently divorced, widowed, or navigating other major life changes. Emotional upheaval makes people more susceptible to attention and validation from new relationships. Scammers recognize these patterns and tailor their approach to match the victim’s situation. They use flattery, shared interests, and empathy to create the illusion of compatibility, making the fake relationship feel authentic.

The impact of a romance scam extends far beyond financial loss. Victims experience severe emotional trauma, including grief, betrayal, shame, and depression. Discovering that the relationship was fake can feel like a death, triggering intense mourning for both the imaginary partner and the lost future that was promised. Many victims report feelings of humiliation and self-blame, believing they should have seen the warning signs. This reaction is common, though misplaced, as scammers are highly skilled at deception.

In addition to emotional distress, victims frequently face long-lasting psychological effects such as anxiety, trust issues, and social withdrawal. Some develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress, including hypervigilance, sleep disturbances, and emotional numbness. The damage to self-esteem and confidence can affect future relationships, career performance, and overall mental health.

A romance scam is a profound psychological injury that should never be minimized, and typically requires professional intervention to help the victim to recover.

Financially, the consequences can be devastating. Victims may drain savings, take out loans, or fall into debt to meet the scammer’s demands. Some lose life-changing amounts of money, jeopardizing retirement plans, home ownership, or financial stability. Even when the monetary loss is smaller, the psychological blow often feels just as significant.

Beyond the individual, romance scams impact families and social circles. Victims may feel isolated from loved ones, either because they kept the relationship secret or because others dismiss their experience with judgment and criticism. Some face strained relationships with friends or family members who struggle to understand the manipulation involved. Public stigma and misinformation about romance scams often deepen this isolation, making it harder for victims to seek help.

Romance scams are a serious crime that combines financial exploitation with deep emotional harm. The manipulation is intentional, calculated, and often executed by organized criminal groups with global operations. Victims deserve understanding, not blame, and need access to proper resources to recover from the emotional, financial, and psychological damage these crimes cause. Awareness, prevention, and compassionate support are essential to reducing the reach and impact of this growing form of fraud.

Tim McGuinness, Ph.D., DFin, MCPO, MAnth – Anthropologist, Scientist, Director of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.