Telling Your Truth!

(Last Updated On: October 29, 2022)

Telling Your Truth!

What is the Truth? Telling the Truth when talking about your scamScam A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost.!

Scam Victim Recovery – A SCARSSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. Insight

In the telling of your stories, what drives understanding are the facts – the truth of each crime and experience.

But what is the truth?

Often, victims tell the story of the crime as though it was a movie plot & dialog, detailing the story spun by the scammers along with the victim’s responses and actions. But is this really the truth?

Many times victims attempt to make sense of the crime by detailing their assumptions about criminalCriminal A criminal is any person who through a decision or act engages in a crime. This can be complicated, as many people break laws unknowingly, however, in our context, it is a person who makes a decision to engage in unlawful acts or to place themselves with others who do this. A criminal always has the ability to decide not to break the law, or if they initially engage in crime to stop doing it, but instead continues. actions, motivations, organization, and techniques. Yet these are not really understood by any victim, certainly not soon after the scam ends. These are assumptions and usually false information.

After the scam ends, many victims try to find meaning and elaborate on their meager knowledge presenting themselves as experts on these crimes. The desire for understanding is so strong that victims convince themselves of facts that are not true, but rather assumed or imagined or heard from other amateur instant experts. Although for many these insights feel right.

However, the truth is far simpler and most often overlooked by victims in the telling of their stories. So much energy is given to the scammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer.’s side of the tale that often the victim’s own side or truth is diminished and nearly forgotten.

Ironically, this is one of the things that makes listening to their story by their friends and family so very hard. The victim’s stories are saturated with the falsehoods, lies, and drama from the scammer’s side of the narrative, but rarely from the victim’s. The “he” said/”she” said is irrelevant most of the time.

As we have presented in many other ways, we suggest to victims early on to separate out the hard data or facts from the drama and lies of the scammer. None of the scammer’s lies matter in telling your stories. They are just misdirection. They matter to the victim because they lived them, but after the scam, they need to be the first thing thrown away.

So what are the facts? What is the truth?

Simply put it is the reality of what happened during the scam:

  • Milestones during the scam
  • Any identities – real or otherwise (though fake IDs need to be very clearly identified as such)
  • The financial losses – money sent and how and when

These are the basic facts. Notice that none of the dialog or story that the scammers gave was included. It does not matter anymore. It was just lies.

By staying focused on the false dialog victims keep themselves anchored in the mud of the drama and are unable to move forward. Plus it does not matter to the police or to their families. The more the fake story side is told the more others will have a hard time understanding how a victim could have been so misled. It promotes victim blamingVictim Blaming Victim blaming occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially at fault for the harm that befell them. SCARS seeks to mitigate the prejudice against victims and the perception that victims are in any way responsible for the actions of offenders or scammers. There is historical and current prejudice against the victims of domestic violence and sex crimes, such as the greater tendency to blame victims of rape than victims of robbery. Scam victims are often blamed by family & friends for the crime. Scam victims also engage in self-blame even though they are not to blame., guilt, and shameShame Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness..

Now for the real truth!

When a victim tells their truth there are a few critical things that must be told:

  • How long the scam lasted
  • What did the victim feel for this “person” and how devastated they are over the deception
  • And what they want to happen next

Now, these are critical, not only for police, friends, and family to understand but also for the victims.

In the first few 2 to 3 months after the scam ends, victims are going through shock, fear, and desperation, so much of what they can share and they think is highly emotionally charged and often misdirected.

This is where victims separate themselves into 3 (three) distinct groupings:

  1. In denialDenial Denial is a refusal or unwillingness to accept something or to accept reality. Refusal to admit the truth or reality of something, refusal to acknowledge something unpleasant; And as a term of Psychology: denial is a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality.
  2. In angerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. and rageRage Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. and hate
  3. In realism and the desire to recover

We have talked about these before, but those in denial will withdraw and pretend it did not happen, does not matter, they are fine and are going to forget about it. This group will tend to have lasting lifetime traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS..

The angry group demands justice and will chase it to the exclusion of their own well-being. They form groups, chase justice, and waste time on exposing or baiting scammers. They do not come to terms with their grief or their trauma and carry it forward throughout much of their lives.

The realists seek professional guidance, find counselingCounseling Counseling is the professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes. A mental health counselor (MHC), or counselor, is a person who works with individuals and groups to promote optimum mental and emotional health. Such persons may help individuals deal with issues associated with addiction and substance abuse; family, parenting, and marital problems; stress management; self-esteem; and aging. They may also work with "Social Workers", "Psychiatrists", and "Psychologists". SCARS does not provide mental health counseling. or therapy, and apply themselves to their recovery – though many will give up at various stages in their grief cycle. Those that stay with it and work on their recovery will make it through and have a happier life in their future.

These are the real truth for every victim

Not just what happened but what they are committed to doing about it.

This is what family and friends really need to hear. And other victims too!

Too often victims continue to tell the same stories about what the scammers said derailing other new victims by hearing it. Far too few victims understand what it takes to recover, and instead lose themselves in their denial and anger – using the fantasy and lies as a cover for the devastation inside.

3 Critical Things

As a victim, when you tell your story, tell the 3 critical things and only these, unless someone wants more:

  1. The basic facts – no lies no drama no fantasy
  2. How are you feeling – the trauma and grief you are feeling and their effects and symptoms
  3. What you want or plan to do to help yourself to recover from this experience.

These 3 elements are the essential truth that every victim should include in telling their truth to others.

This is also the most therapeutic way of telling your story to reduce its impact on you and be an inspiration to other victims.

If you can do this, you are on the road to recovery.

SCARS Team
copyright © 2022 SCARS

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This program is designed to help scam victims struggling to recover on their own and for those who want to understand the overall process. You can be using other resources, such as trauma counseling or therapy, qualified support groupsSupport Groups In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers., or completely independent – on your own!

The SCARS Steps program is a complete program and is provided for the purpose of helping scam victims to overcome this experience. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues and challenges that a victim may have and help guide them through their recovery. But each person is different and it is important to understand your own reasons for being vulnerable to being scammed.

After the trauma of being scammed, you need to take steps to recover and move on. This may be an alternative to counseling in the short term, but we still encourage you to seek out professional help & support. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues, challenges, defects, or problems that a victim may have in a generalized way.

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HOW TO HELP ROMANCE SCAM VICTIMS FOR FAMILIES & FRIENDS OF SCAM VICTIMS

This SCARS Publishing book represents a complete guide to help the families and friends understand how these scamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. work and how to help the victim.

The SCARS Slate Book should be purchased by family and friends to better understand what happened to the victim and the traumatic impact on them. But it can also be shared by the victim so that they do not have to explain to family and friends about the scam. This publication is to help others to help Scam Victims to make it through this traumatic experience and recover.

Each person is different and it is important to understand how relationship scamsRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam? work and why people are vulnerable; to being scammed, how they were lured in, then groomed and manipulated. This understanding is essential in helping them through the process of ending the scam and then on to recovery. The SCARS Slate Book will provide the information necessary to help support a victim through this process.

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Before or after reporting to the police the RED BOOK gives you a dedicated tool to record all the essential facts of this crime. The Victim, the Scammers, the Money, and your Police interactions. Everything that really matters can be easily recorded for your immediate use and for the future!

As we have seen, money recovery/repayment programs can become available years after the scam ends and you need to keep all the details of this crime in case it is needed. We have also seen scammers being extradited to the U.S. and other countries, this will help in the event you testify or give statements, Additionally, this helps you have your information ready to qualify for victims’ benefits, compensation, or aid.

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By the Society of Citizens Against Relationship ScamsSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. Inc.

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