Surviving The Change: Scams Turn Lives Upside Down

Surviving The Change: ScamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. Turn Lives Upside Down

A SCARSSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. Guide

After you realize that you have been scammed and lost a large sum of money, you will naturally have real concerns about what it means for your life.

It is natural to panic, but panic will take you down the wrong roads and make your situation worse in the long run.

The very sad truth is that it may mean losing almost everything. Only time will tell how well you manage your way through the changes that will come.

Each person is different in how they adapt to change. Each person is different in how they cope with traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS., and certainly, trauma will be present and affecting your decisions as you go through this.

We always recommend that as soon as you discover that you have been scammed that you join one of our support groupsSupport Groups In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers. AND seek local professional help.

WHAT HELP SHOULD YOU GET?

  • Support is your first need – this means joining a real support groupSupport Group In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers. – either a SCARS Group online or a local victims’ support group. You can join our Facebook support group here or also join our victims’ forum here at www.ScamVictimSupport.org
  • CounselingCounseling Counseling is the professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes. A mental health counselor (MHC), or counselor, is a person who works with individuals and groups to promote optimum mental and emotional health. Such persons may help individuals deal with issues associated with addiction and substance abuse; family, parenting, and marital problems; stress management; self-esteem; and aging. They may also work with "Social Workers", "Psychiatrists", and "Psychologists". SCARS does not provide mental health counseling. or therapy – you should recognize that this is going to be hard and you will need someone locally to help you through the trauma. We recommend finding a local trauma therapist early to have the best potential outcome. If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/trauma-and-ptsd
  • Legal – it is worth taking advantage of a free consultation to just understand the basic legal issues. Especially if you are going to face collections or bankruptcy as a result of the scamScam A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost.. But if you received money from a scammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer., you may also be facing criminalCriminal A criminal is any person who through a decision or act engages in a crime. This can be complicated, as many people break laws unknowingly, however, in our context, it is a person who makes a decision to engage in unlawful acts or to place themselves with others who do this. A criminal always has the ability to decide not to break the law, or if they initially engage in crime to stop doing it, but instead continues. money launderingMoney laundering Money laundering is the illegal process of concealing the origins of money obtained illegally by passing it through a complex sequence of banking transfers or commercial transactions. Money laundering can be done through various mediums, leveraging a variety of payment vehicles, people and institutions. or civil liability resulting from that. You can find appropriate attorneys on your regional legal Bar Association or other association of legal professionals. You may need to speak first with a criminal defense attorney about any criminal issues and about reporting the crime to the police, and then with a civil litigation attorney about your financial liability issues.
  • Financial – you are likely going to have to face some financial changes and it is worth talking with someone who can give your clarity locally. There may even be tax issues resulting from your scam. Most local licensed accountants can help you understand the issues and give you directions for more specialized knowledge if needed.

When it comes to healthcare, financial, and legal advice you should be talking to someone licensed to do this and not some anti-scam group. We can give you guidance and show you the path, but licensed professionals are important to help you retain as much control as you can.

Do not listen to amateur anti-scam groups giving fake information or urban legends – your future requires that you deal only with professionals. SCARS is a professional crime victims’ assistance nonprofit organization, but we are not a healthcare provider, not an attorney, and not a licensed financial professional. Please keep this in mind.

WHAT CHANGES WILL COME?

Everything depends on what you did for your scammer:

  • How much money you sent (in cash or in merchandise)
  • If you gave the scammer access to your credit cards or bank account
  • If you took out loans, refinanced your home, or borrowed money for your scammer
  • If you cashed checks
  • If you received money and forwarded it
  • If you received merchandise or parcels and forwarded them

About 2% of relationship scamRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam? victims end up losing their homes.

You will need to understand and accept this if you will be one of them so you can take steps to protect yourself.

If you are at risk of losing your home, you should talk to a bankruptcy attorney at once. Bankruptcy may be a path you have to take and they will help you understand the issues and what approach may work for you.

The changes to come and how to cope

According to Dr. Sarkis & Psychology Today:

1. Acknowledge that things are changing.

Sometimes we get so caught up in fighting change that we put off actually dealing with it. DenialDenial Denial is a refusal or unwillingness to accept something or to accept reality. Refusal to admit the truth or reality of something, refusal to acknowledge something unpleasant; And as a term of Psychology: denial is a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality. is a powerful force, and it protects us in many ways. However, stepping outside of it and saying to yourself, “Things are changing, and it is okay” can be less stressful than putting it off.

 2. Realize that even good change can cause stress.

Sometimes when people go through a positive life change, such as graduating or having a baby, they still feel a great deal of stress—or even dread. Keep in mind that positive change can create stress just like not-so-positive change. Stress is just your body’s way of reacting to change. It’s okay to feel stressed even when something good has happened—in fact, it’s normal. (If you’ve just had a baby, talk to your doctor about whether you may be experiencing postpartum depression.)

 3. Keep up your regular schedule as much as possible.

The more change that is happening, the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule—as much as possible. Having some things that stay the same, like walking the dog every morning at 8 am, gives us an anchor. An anchor is a reminder that some things are still the same, and it gives your brain a little bit of a rest. Sometimes when you are going through a lot of change it helps to write down your routine and check it off as you go. It’s one less thing for your brain to have to hold inside.

4. Try to eat as healthily as possible.

When change happens, a lot of us tend to reach for carbs—bread, muffins, cake, etc. This may be because eating carbs boosts serotonin—a brain chemical that may be somewhat depleted when you undergo change (stress). It’s okay to soothe yourself with comfort foods—in moderation. One way to track what you are eating is to write it down. You can either do this in a notebook or use an app. When you see what you are eating, it makes you take a step back and think about whether you want to eat that second muffin or not. (If you have a history of eating disorders, it is not recommended that you write down what you are eating.) Also notice that if you are exepriencing an increased use of alcohol or other substances; your use can sneak up on you when you are under stress.

5. Exercise.

Keeping up regular exercise could be a part of the “keep up your regular schedule” tip. If exercise is not currently part of your routine, try adding it. Exercising two to three times a week has been found to significantly decrease symptoms of depression (Barclay, et al. 2014.) Even just walking around the blockBlock Blocking is a technical action usually on social media or messaging platforms that restricts or bans another profile from seeing or communicating with your profile. To block someone on social media, you can usually go to their profile and select it from a list of options - often labeled or identified with three dots ••• can help you feel better. (Check with your doctor before starting an exercise program.) Remember, you don’t have to feel like getting some exercise; just get out there and move. You’ll find that many times your motivation will kick in while you are active.

6. Seek support.

No one gets through life alone. It is okay to ask for help; that’s a sign that you know yourself well enough to realize you need some assistance. Think of your trusted friends or family members. Chances are that they are happy to help if you need them to watch your kids while you run some errands, or if you just need some alone time. There may a neighbor who has asked you for help in the past—now maybe you can ask them for help. AppsApps Applications or Apps An application (software), commonly referred to as an ‘app’ is a program on a computer, tablet, mobile phone or device. Apps are designed for specific tasks, including checking the weather, accessing the internet, looking at photos, playing media, mobile banking, etc. Many apps can access the internet if needed and can be downloaded (used) either for a price or for free. Apps are a major point of vulnerability on all devices. Some are designed to be malicious, such as logging keystrokes or activity, and others can even transport malware. Always be careful about any app you are thinking about installing. like NextDoor have been helpful for connecting neighbors. If you are thinking about hurting yourself or killing yourself, please contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline online or at 1-800-273-8255.

7. Write down the positives or negatives that have come from this change.

Maybe due to this change in your life you have met new people. Maybe you started practicing healthier habits. Maybe you became more politically active. Maybe you became more assertive. Maybe the change helped you prioritize what is most important in your life. Change presents us with the opportunity to grow, and it’s important to acknowledge how things have become better as a result.

It may seem strange but sometimes there can be a net positive outcome from these changes. You can finally simplify your life, or you discover your true inner strength. Not everything is going to be negative, though it will certainly feel like it at the time. You will change and how those changes go is based on your perspective and attitude as much as anything. 

8. Get proactive.

Being proactive means taking charge and working preventatively. This means you figure out what steps you need to take before something happens. Being reactive means you wait until something has happened and then you take action. Being proactive means you make an appointment with your doctor for a physical because you know something stressful is coming up and you want to make sure you are in good health. It means becoming active with groups that help you realize that you can make a positive impact on the world.

 9. Vent, but to a point.

Having a support group to whom you can vent can be helpful—to a point. If you and your support group are solely venting, that feeling of frustration can be contagious. Try gearing the conversation toward action: What can you do to make things better? When people brainstorm together, their creativity and hopefulness can be contagious as well.

This is one of the reasons why amateur anti-scam groups are harmful. They are mostly scam haters – venting constantly and actively filled with angerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability.. This can deflect your attempt to recover and can also increase your trauma. At the very least can delay your recovery and reintegration of your life.

10. Back away from social media except as a support tool.

When you go through change, you may gravitate toward social media—may be posting to your friends on Facebook what is going on in your life. First, make sure you are in a calm state when you post—and keep in mind that whatever you post never really disappears. Also, if you are comparing your life to your friends’ lives on social media, remember that most people post only the “highlight reel” of their lives, not the stressful moments. This can give you a skewed view that everyone else’s lives are going just fine. Everyone has battles they are fighting; it’s just different battles with different people. Step away from social media if you are starting to compare your life to others.

We invite you to take advantage of our support infrastructure. These are safe places for victims to connect with other victims (carefully screened to keep the haters and the scammers out). You can join our Facebook support group here or also join our victims’ forum here at www.ScamVictimSupport.org

 11. Give yourself a break!

And finally, give yourself a break. In a time of change, you may feel a little out of control. You may feel like you are not living up to your expectations for yourself.

Remember that you are allowed to do less than what is humanly possible. Nothing says you have to function at 100 percent all the time. People make mistakes—it’s one of the great things about being human. It’s learning from the mistakes that really counts. Think about it like this: There are no mistakes, only good stories for later. Make a point to incorporate more laughter and fun into your life. Laughing increases dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins—and that makes you feel good (Yim, 2016). Laughing also decreases cortisol—a stress-producing hormone (Yim, 2016.)

While we do not share all of this view, it is true that after a traumatic experience and for some time thereafter, you are not going to be at your best. This is ok. Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, accept that these changes are coming, like it or not.

Stress Is Inevitable, But Don’t Stress About Stress

During any period of change, stress is inevitable. External circumstances change, your days change, your responsibilities change, and most likely, your brain is left picking up the pieces to make sense of it all.

All scam victims are going to suffer from stress, but also keep in mind that it is probably more – it is trauma. An injury that will have to heal. Be sure that you address this trauma too!

Stress Is A Natural Part Of The Change

The unnatural part that many of us find ourselves entangled with is stressing about stress, or maybe increasing your trauma without any need. You will get worried that stress is going to make the change harder to adapt to, so you stress more. You will think you are stressing more than anyone else, so you get stressed about that. You will think that you aren’t stressing enough, so you artificially ramp it up until you are feeling stressed to the maximum.

Whatever the situation, stressing about stress is not healthy and it’s not useful.

You might think that this sounds obvious, but worry and stress can become a strange addiction that is difficult to shake if you have been practicing it for long enough. And remember, your scam was an addiction too. You can become addicted to emotions and to your hormones (as in the case of victims that trade the romance hormones for anger and rageRage Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. hormones.)

As Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal argues in The Upside of Stress, your reaction to stress has a greater impact on your health and success than the stress itself. If you believe stress kills you, it will. If you believe stress is trying to carry you over a big obstacle or through a challenging situation, you’ll become more resilient and may even live longer. If you believe that you are going to collapse you will – so don’t!

It’s important to realize that most of the time, a little bit of stress is natural and is there to guide you through tough times of change. If you can recognize that it is just trying to pull you through a tough period, most likely it will. Likewise, if you resist stress and think it’s the worst thing in the world and then start to stress out about stressing out, you will probably meltdown or explode.

So, take a step back, expect the stress but don’t ever let it run your life.

CHANGES WILL COME

The changes you will go through are coming if you like it or not. After the scam, you cannot stop what is coming next – whatever that is.

The only thing you can do is be a blade of grass and bend with the changes. You can imagine what will happen if you don’t.

We wish you the best possible outcome and we are here to help in any way we can.

 

 

 

TAGS: SCARS, Information About Scams, Anti-Scam, Scams, Scammers, Fraudsters, Cybercrime, Crybercriminals, Romance Scams, Scam Victims, Relationship ScamsRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam?, Changes, Recovery, After the Scam

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Society of Citizens Against Relationship ScamsSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. Inc.
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Tell us about your experiences with Romance Scammers in our
« Scams Discussion Forum on Facebook »


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FAQ: How Do You Properly Report Scammers?

It is essential that law enforcement knows about scams & scammers, even though there is nothing (in most cases) that they can do.

Always report scams involving money lost or where you received money to:

  1. Local Police – ask them to take an “informational” police report – say you need it for your insurance
  2. U.S. State Police (if you live in the U.S.) – they will take the matter more seriously and provide you with more help than local police
  3. Your National Police or FBIFBI FBI - Federal Bureau of Investigation The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is the domestic intelligence and security service of the United States and its principal federal law enforcement agency. Operating under the jurisdiction of the United States Department of Justice, the FBI is also a member of the U.S. Intelligence Community and reports to both the Attorney General and the Director of National Intelligence. A leading U.S. counter-terrorism, counterintelligence, and criminal investigative organization, the FBI has jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal crimes, including financial fraud. « www.IC3.gov »
  4. The SCARS|CDN™ Cybercriminal Data Network – Worldwide Reporting Network on « www.Anyscam.com »

This helps your government understand the problem, and allows law enforcement to add scammers on watch lists worldwide.


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To learn more about SCARS visit « www.AgainstScams.org »

Please be sure to report all scammers
on « www.Anyscam.com »

 

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