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SCARS Institute’s Encyclopedia of Scams™ Published Continuously for 25 Years

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Sadness & Scam Recovery

SCARS Psychology of Scams

A SCARS Insight

Are You Sad?

Being unwilling to experience sadness can hold you back from recovering after a romance scam. But if you can experience it & share it you can move forward!

About Sadness

Sadness is a normal human emotion that every single person will experience at stressful or somber times.

A number of life events can leave people feeling sad or unhappy. The loss or absence of a loved one, divorce, loss of job or income, financial trouble, or issues at home can all affect mood in a negative way.

Failing an exam, not getting a job, or experiencing other disappointing events can also trigger sadness.

However, a person experiencing sadness can usually find some relief from crying, venting, or talking out frustrations. More often than not, sadness has links to a specific trigger.

Sadness usually passes with time. If it does not pass, or if the person becomes unable to resume normal function, this could be a sign of depression.

If your low mood gets worse or lasts longer than 2 weeks, the person should talk to their doctor.

Sadness

We use different words to talk about sadness: agony, anguish, broken heart, hurt, sorrow, dejection, dismay, homesickness, distress, unhappiness and more. All these emotions are a response to a negative situation – the end and realization of the reality of your scam!

Sadness is also often a result of another feeling, such as anger, stress, guilt, grief, anxiety, or hopelessness. Sometimes, the other feeling may be so strong that you don’t realize you are sad. This is very common for scam victims too!

So what does sadness feel like? It may change how you feel physically. Perhaps you have a stomach ache or a headache, or you can’t sleep.

Sadness may also change how you feel emotionally. Perhaps you are teary, grumpy, bored or frustrated, or just keen to avoid other people.

But recognizing your sadness, and understanding that it is okay to feel sad is a sign of a stable sense of wellbeing.

Depression And Sadness Are Linked But Are Not The Same

Sadness is an emotion that everyone experiences, often after stressful or upsetting life events. Depression is an overpowering and ongoing mental health disorder that can drastically impact you on your daily living.

Specific triggers will often cause sadness, whereas depression may have no identifiable cause. Sadness is a part of depression but is more temporary in nature.

Seek a medical opinion if sadness seems to continue for a disproportionate amount of time. This could indicate the development of depression.

How Sad Is Too Sad?

Everyone gets sad sometimes; it’s a part of being human. But feeling sad for a long period of time makes life really hard and isn’t good for your overall health.

Here are some signs that sadness is taking over your life:

  • You’ve stopped seeing friends and family.
  • You get angry easily.
  • You get emotional and/or cry for no apparent reason.
  • You’ve stopped caring about things that used to interest you.
  • You’re sleeping more or less than you used to.
  • You’re eating more or less than you used to.
  • You’re finding it hard to do all the things you used to do (such as work or chores).

What’s Causing Your Sadness?

Not knowing what’s making you feel so sad makes it hard to find a solution. There are some simple things you can do to help figure it out.

First, it’s good to understand some obvious things that can get people down, such as experiencing grief or loss of a loved one, caring for someone who is unwell, being sick, or having a medical condition or chronic illness.

Then there are other, less expected causes for sadness, such as:

  • Going through something stressful
  • Being around people who are going through a tough time
  • Having an argument with someone
  • Problems at school/uni/work
  • Big life changes (such as moving to a new house)
  • Being bored
  • Not sleeping well
  • Not exercising enough
  • Hormonal changes.

Of course, for scam victims, it is the discovery and loss of the fake relationship, and the loss of the money (if any) – but these are usually not the only underlying cause. Many times it is the tip of the iceberg. It is the thing that caused the cascade that brought you here!

Also, all of the above can be caused by the scam too!

This is a major reason why we (SCARS) recommend counseling for all scam victims. If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/trauma-and-ptsd

Sadness Will Ease

Feeling better can involve taking one step or many. It may happen quickly or over a long time. Just remember that emotions ebb and flow, and you can move through sadness to a more positive emotion. This is part of the recovery process.

First, Acknowledge That You Are Feeling Sad

Then, look at ways to deal with your sadness. You may want to try some of these tips:

  • Be honest with yourself and the people around you. Talk to someone whom you trust.
  • Seek help from a professional (a doctor, psychologist, or another health professional). You may need support, advice, or a referral to a specialist.
  • Join a real scam victims’ support group – there are a few real ones (such as SCARS), but avoid amateur groups who focus on hate.
  • Think about whether your sleep and eating patterns are good for you.
  • Help someone else. Just improving someone else’s life, or being part of a community, can lift your spirits. Become a volunteer with SCARS and help others! It is good for you!
  • Find a creative way to express your sadness. Writing your thoughts in a diary, for example, may help you find a new perspective.
  • Keep yourself safe. If you feel at risk of hurting yourself, let someone know immediately.
  • If a prescribed medication makes you feel down, let your doctor know. And talk to your doctor before taking any non-prescribed medications or complementary or alternative medicines.
  • Do things that you enjoy and that are good for you. Find ways to make your life more pleasurable: listen to music, go for a walk, read a book, call a friend.
  • Tackle one problem at a time. It doesn’t matter if you start with the biggest or smallest problem, just make a list and begin. This works for chores or tasks that you just can’t get done too!
  • Have confidence that things will improve. You need to trust that your sad feelings will lessen with time and effort. Recovery is a process and it takes time – trust the process and you can make it through!
  • If you can work out what’s getting you down, then you’ll be in a better position to turn your feelings around. Problem-solving strategies can be really helpful in overcoming some issues. If the cause of your sadness isn’t really something that can be solved, though, you might need to focus on developing coping strategies instead.

You Feel So Alone

You never have to cope with emotional problems on your own. A counselor can help you figure out what’s going on, guide you through strategies to overcome your sadness, and recognize if something more serious is going on.

SCARS offers support groups for scam victims too where you are a part of a community. There is always someone in the groups where you can share what you are feeling and get the benefit of their insights – since they went through it themselves too! Here is a link to one of our groups on Facebook: Scam Victims’ Support Group : SCARS Official Group

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/trauma-and-ptsd

If you need to speak with someone now, you can find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

Healthy Ways To Deal With Sadness

We all feel sad sometimes. Sadness is a normal emotion – especially for scam victims – that can make life more difficult.

Sadness almost always accompanies loss. When we say goodbye to a loved one we usually feel sad. The sadness is even deeper if a close relationship has ended or a loved one has died. In the case of a romance scam, the ending of the scam is many times worse than the death of a loved one, since it is immediate, unexpected, and a profound shock.

Sadness also helps us appreciate happiness. When our mood eventually changes from sadness toward happiness, the sense of contrast adds to the enjoyment of the mood. But in the case of a scam victim, happiness is not always immediate – it can take months or more.

Ways to Experience Sadness

Here are some ways to experience normal sadness in healthy ways and to allow this emotion to enrich your life:

Allow yourself to be sad. Denying such feelings may force them deeper and turn them into long-lasting trauma, where they can do more damage with time. Cry if you feel like it – no one will judge you for it. Notice if you feel relief after the tears stop.

Write in a journal, listen to music, spend time with friends or family, and/or draw to express the emotion of sadness. Share your sadness in a SCARS Support Group.

Think about the context of the sad feelings. What are you most sad about? Think about the feelings in a non-judging way and ride the wave of the experience. You might be surprised by this analysis and find you are sad for a different reason than you thought.

Sadness can result from a change that you didn’t expect, or it can signal that you might need to make changes in your life. Obviously, both of these happened with the end of the scam. Your emotions are changing and will come and go – expect this. Recovery is a rollercoaster!

Know when sadness turns into depression. Get help if this happens rather than getting stuck in it.

SCARS Publishing Self-Help Recovery Books Available At shop.AgainstScams.org

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Visit reporting.AgainstScams.org to learn more!

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Published On: June 8th, 2021Last Updated: March 24th, 2022Categories: Recovery PsychologyTags: , , , , , 5 Comments on Sadness & Scam Recovery1731 words8.7 min readTotal Views: 1241Daily Views: 1

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  1. Sadness & Scam Recovery 1
    Lynn May 28, 2025 at 7:41 pm - Reply

    I’ve experienced a lot of sadness over the last 3+ years. My mother-in-law, who I was a caregiver for and was very close to, passed away in ’21, I had to put my dog down 8 weeks after my MIL passed away – the dog was my soulmate. My mom passed away in Jan. of ’24, and that’s when my scam kicked into high gear. I was so vulnerable. Then, of course, my scam – which cost me my retirement, all of my savings and I took out loans. I was depressed for about 6 months after the scam ended and my therapist helped me to cope with all the losses. I still have days when I’m very sad, cry it out, and sit in my grief. I’ve learned all too well how non-linear grief and recovery are. With the help of SCARS, I’m healing from the scam and learning so much about myself along the way. It’s been lifesaving and I’m so appreciative.

  2. Sadness & Scam Recovery 2
    Wendy April 22, 2025 at 8:10 am - Reply

    For a person with empathic tendencies, sadness is a very DEEP feeling for me. I have experienced sadness is several waves since the ending of my crime. Currently I am in the middle of another wave. I intend to discuss this in depth with my therapist. I find I am thinking about the criminals right now, the way they worded their messages, the feelings those messages evoked, the words they used. Yes, I miss it. But equally I also think of the times the criminals used anger, frustration, the words used then and how those words made me feel. Quite often when I was in the midst of the crime and love was freely expressed I would find music and memes that I would share with the criminals (thinking they were the celebrity they were impersonating). Often a heart emoji would come from the criminal to these memes or music. Sometimes it was comments about how they agreed with the thought in the meme or how the music made them feel and identify with me. There were lengthy messages sometimes expressing deep felt love and affection, how much they felt I was the perfect person for them. I now understand that these messages were all fake, probably part of the story line or something they felt had worked particularly well with another victim. However, because I feel things so very deeply, it is the worst type of betrayal to realize how fake those “love letters” were. At the end of the crime one of the deepest hurts was when they told me all the stuff I shared was stupid and revealed just how unintelligent they thought I am. How glad they were to not have to deal with me any longer. Then just two weeks after the end of the crime and I had signed out of Telegram, Instagram and turned off Facebook notifications I received an email stating how much they missed me, that they were sorry. It was a very long email detailing how much they had messed up in treating me the way they did. Sometimes it takes me a while to process my emotions because at times those emotions are raw and hurting, it’s almost like I have to “scab over” before probing the wound. This is one of those times. I am sad at what I perceive I have lost. Those “love letters” were glorious. There is no one in my life that has ever written such beautiful letters to me. They made me feel special. So I am letting myself feel that grief and sadness. I have to do it a different way because music was such a large part of my crime. I find it difficult to stream music or listen to the radio because the songs come up that the criminal identified as those that made “them” think of me.
    SSS TES

  3. Sadness & Scam Recovery 3
    Thuy Conde September 29, 2024 at 11:16 am - Reply

    Sadness comes when I have unmet expectations. It teaches me to be strong when faced with adversity; patience and compassion with myself.

  4. Sadness & Scam Recovery 4
    Corey Gale September 3, 2024 at 3:09 pm - Reply

    So many things about being scammed have made me sad. The betrayal, the wasted time & effort and the loss of money to name a few.

  5. Sadness & Scam Recovery 5
    Carmen Rivera January 11, 2024 at 1:52 pm - Reply

    Sadness is very painful, but kind of fades away with time in my experience. Sometimes I think antidepressants had helped me to feel better quickly.

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.