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Guest Editorial: Michele’s Survivor Insight

A Romance Scam Victim’s Insight After Recovery

Michele went through the SCARS recovery program and has a couple of insights for victims that are struggling

Hindsight is 20/20

By Michele

I wanted to share how I now feel about the scammers and some things I have learned from this experience.

Hindsight is 20/20, when we can finally see the whole picture and not just the snippets we saw in a moment, that’s when the true pain takes hold.

The scammers are full of so much drama, each day brings a new crisis. All we can see at the time was that snapshot in that moment.

Reporting the scammers is where I began to have some peace of mind and control. I learned to place the blame where it belongs – on the scammers.

Upon reflection I know there were red flags, I had gut feelings something was not quite right but the scammers had me brainwashed, they know how to control and manipulate people. I ignored the little voice in my head.

Control is their job.

They always have an answer ready, always keeping us off balance, and at all costs, they need to keep that illusion alive.

When we “wake up” so to speak. We are left to figure out how to survive the aftermath of such a gut-wrenching experience.

Picturing your future life was not crazy, I was picturing mine too. They paint a beautiful picture for us to buy into.

The scammers find our vulnerabilities and feed them to get their way. They really do live in our heads.

Ghandi said “do not let anyone walk through your mind with dirty feet,” yet they did as these monsters lived in our heads. I didn’t know I could buy into such a master manipulation.

Know your heart will begin to heal.

And always remember we heal one day at a time,
sometimes one hour at a time,
sometimes one minute at a time.

Healing is different for all of us, we mourn the illusion and learn to let it go as if a loved one has died. We bury the ghost. We hold onto our faith and learn to fill the emotional void productively, with friends, family, and our faith. We go through stages of guilt, anger, blame, resentment and we learn to make adjustments

As we deprogram ourselves we do learn to refind our joy. It takes time. The waiting can be excruciating as we are in so much pain.

SCARS has given us a platform to purge, vent, and find support without judgment.

As we share our stories and comment because we are here for ” each one to teach one”.