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SCARS™ Psychology Of Scams: Hate As A Coping Mechanism

After A Romance Scam Comes Anger Against Scammers, But When It Turns To Hate A Victim May Turn Away From Normal Recovery

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Self-Hate, And By Extension Hate For The Scammer And Others Is The Most Dangerous Coping Mechanism

Coping mechanisms are strategies and behaviors that are carried out to mitigate, manage or adapt to anything that causes distress.


To cope with something traumatic like this, we have to find a way to cope because we feel we cannot change the thing itself (the “stressor” itself – the scam.)

We have to adapt to it so that the hurt we feel as a result of it is decreased or eliminated.

We would all hope for a world that did not have to be coped with. Sadly, that is not the world we currently live in and so we develop all manner of coping mechanisms to hold the pain or stress away.

Some coping mechanisms have the potential to be very limiting and damaging to a person themselves, in the long run, certain coping mechanisms can be more detrimental than others.

And the most dangerous coping mechanism is hate!




What Causes Self-Hate?

Self-hatred is something that develops over time and it’s typically triggered by more than one factor, including past trauma, perfectionism, false expectations, social comparisons, and several learned behaviors.

Self-Hate From Trauma

Many people with extreme self-hatred have been through traumatic and emotionally challenging experiences in their past – such as a Romance Scam.

Many victims blame themselves for “allowing” the scam to happen. They think they should have known, and many will reinforce this belief. Thus, especially with financial loses, scam victims begin to hate themselves.

Additionally, after a scam, many victims, in an effort to try and make sense of their world, may develop an internal narrative that makes them feel as if they were scammed because they are not worth loving and have no value. These hateful statements may have been said directly to them by their scammer at the end, or from a past relationship, or they simply think them, and they soon become an all too familiar part of their inner critic.

Self-Hate As A Coping Mechanism

At first glance, it may be hard to see how self-hat