(Last Updated On: March 25, 2022)

Do You Hate Your ScammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer.?

Hate Is An Incredibly Destructive Emotion That Prevents Recovery After A ScamScam A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost.!

A SCARSSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. Insight

Why Do You Hate Your Scammer?

Originally Published 2018 / Updated September 2021

We Have A Few Serious Questions For Scam Victims:

  • Do You Know Who Your Scammer Is?

  • Do You Hate Your Scammer?

  • Can You Ever ForgiveForgiveness What Is Forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Your Scammer?

  • When You Say To Yourself That You Can’t Forgive Your Scammer, Do You Even Know Who Your Scammer Is?

For most of you (especially victims of African Scammers), the answers are NO!

You do not really know who your scammer is or was – in most cases because the scammers almost never reveal their real identities.

For most of you, it IS NOT ONE PERSON who scammed you

It was most probably an organization and not one person.

For the vast majority, all that you know for sure is a Fake Face. A stolen photo that you fell for, right?

You may have a name that you sent money to, even multiple names but that is NOT likely your scammer:

  • You may have sent money to a muleMule A money mule sometimes called a "smurfer," is a person who transfers money acquired illegally (e.g., stolen) in person, through a courier service, or electronically, on behalf of others (usually criminals that they are knowingly or unknowingly affiliated). Typically, the mule is paid for services with a small part of the money transferred - but not always. Mules may or may not be aware that they are performing these actions. Money mules are often dupes recruited online for what they think is legitimate employment, not aware that the money they are transferring is the product of crime. The money is transferred from the mule's account to the scam operator, typically in another country. Similar techniques are used to transfer illegal merchandise. Mules can be prosecuted for numerous crimes. – another victim duped into accepting and forwarding money to the scammer
  • A pickup person, used by the scammers to pick up money
  • A mole in the Western Union, MoneyGram, etc. in Africa or elsewhere
  • Or even another fake name in Africa (or elsewhere) since it is up to the money transfer agency to verify identities, and they have their own team working in them
  • Or just a fake name you gave gift cards to
  • Even bank accounts that you wire money to is no guarantee since scammers have infiltrated banks in many countries
  • In other words, a cog in their organization

Very rarely does a scammer pick up their own money and use a real name – this only happens with the independent scammers that are either alone or in a small gangGang A gang is normally a group or society of associated criminals with a defined leadership and internal organization that identifies with or claims control over a territory or business practice in a community and engages, either individually or collectively, in illegal, and possibly violent, behavior. Online gangs are not limited by territory and may operate side by side with other gangs while engaging in crime online. Some members of criminal gangs are initiated (by going through a process of initiation), or have to prove their loyalty and right to belong by committing certain acts, usually theft or violence, or rituals. Gangs are usually rougher and more visible than scammer cartels, and more often arrested..

Most Of You Will Never Know Who Your Scammer Really Is, Even If You Think You Do

Remember they are scammers and liars in everything they say! That means they lie even if you think they are finally telling you the truth. They are professional criminals.

So Let Us Ask You, Do You Hate Your Scammer?

Do you hate where they come from, such as Ghana or Nigeria, or Ivory Coast, or Liberia, or Kenya, or Benin, or India?

Do you hate all of Africa or India because of what was done to you?

What if the scammer was from a different country? Such as the Philippines, or China, or Malaysia, or Indonesia, or Russia, or Ukraine, or Jamaica? Because there are different major organizations of scammers in all of those countries and far more too.

So do you hate China? How about Germany? How about Japan? Do you hate Mexico? Do you hate the Philippines? Or India?

Not only just scamming, but each of these other countries has also taken from you by their competition with your country in some way and took jobs from one place to another. Or they offer cheap products that killed manufacturers in your country.

So, Do You Hate Them?

You probably do not, but some of you DO. What is the difference?

The Difference Is That You Personally Gave In To The Scam

The difference is that IT WAS NOT ONLY something that was done to you, IT WAS something you participated in doing to yourself also. We are not blamingBlaming Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action. you, just stating the obvious fact – you made a mistake and you had a role in allowing the scam to begin. After it began then you lost control to the manipulation you suffered.

So You Hate Your Scammers And All Scammers

The problem is that if you cannot forgive your scammer – it is mainly because you have not forgiven yourself. When you hate your scammer you are still hating yourself for allowing this to happen. How does that help you recover from this?

When are you going to let it go? When are you going to forgive yourself for what the scammers did to you?

It is something you must do. To recover emotionally, psychologically, you must forgive yourself – for real and really mean it.

This is a significant part of the SCARS Recovery Process.

It Is For Your Benefit, Not Ours

Right now you are probably filled with hate, and angerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability., and loathing for your scammer and everything they represent. But that hate will consume you if you don’t control it, channel it, and eventually retire it.

It is normal to be angry and even to hate what was done to you, but it is really not about the scammer, it is about you.

Don’t do it if you can’t or if it is insincere. Don’t forgive someone or something just to say you did it.

EVERYONE who is a scam victim needs to be focused on their recovery and a sense of common community. Recovery is your most important goal after you are scammed. The money is gone, the relationship was never real, everything you were told was a lie, but the feelings left behind are only too real. And they need to be dealt with.

You wanted the relationship to be real. Many victims cling to that for months after the scam ends. But that is under YOUR CONTROL!

If you really still hate then you need to take that out, hold it in your hand and ask yourself:

“What Do I Really Want Now?”

Do you want to recover and move on with your life, hard though that may be, or stay frozen and only live for your hate?

If you want to hold on to your hate, then we cannot help you. You will need the services of a professional mental healthMental health Mental health, defined by the World Health Organization (WHO), is "a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community". According to WHO, mental health includes "subjective well-being, perceived self-efficacy, autonomy, competence, intergenerational dependence, and self-actualization of one's intellectual and emotional potential, among others". From the perspectives of positive psychology or of holism, mental health may include an individual's ability to enjoy life and to create a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience. Cultural differences, subjective assessments, and competing professional theories all affect how one defines "mental health". counselor or therapist. You can find a directory of them here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/trauma-and-ptsd

This Is A Very Serious Question!

Only YOU know the answer!

But each of you should be honest with yourself and your loved ones about this. Yes, your loved ones too because your scam did not only affect you alone. ScamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. take a huge toll on families and friends.

This is a chance for you to look at yourself seriously on this question and make decisions. Maybe it is too early. If your scam ended less than a month ago, you are not yet at a place where you can probably think and honestly in these terms, as time passes it provides you with more perspective and the pain dulls.

But don’t do it if you do not really feel it. If you are still very angry at the scammer and yourself, you are not ready for recovery. Just understand that you can not be a SurvivorSurvivor A Scam Survivor is a victim who has been able to fully accept the reality of their situation. That they were the victim of a crime and are not to blame. They are working on their emotional recovery and reduction of any trauma either on their own, through a qualified support organization, or through counseling or therapy. And has done their duty and reported the crime to their local police, national police, and on Anyscam.com until you release your hate, and begin to forgive yourself.

So what will it be? Will you accept the challenge?

Will You Forgive Yourself For Real?

Understand that we ALL understand what it is like, and the universe gives you permission to forgive yourself.

At least think about this?

If You Want Help To Recover:

We offer many different Scam Victim related Recovery and Support GroupsSupport Groups In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers.. SCARS is a registered Online Crime Victims Assistance & Support Organization (you can see that in our header). We have groups for many different needs and situations. We invite you to join one of our groups online (on Facebook) to become part of a community of SurvivorsSurvivor A Scam Survivor is a victim who has been able to fully accept the reality of their situation. That they were the victim of a crime and are not to blame. They are working on their emotional recovery and reduction of any trauma either on their own, through a qualified support organization, or through counseling or therapy. And has done their duty and reported the crime to their local police, national police, and on Anyscam.com.

Our Groups allow people committed to their recovery into each group and we make sure there are no inappropriate people as well (such as scammers). They are secure places where no one will judge you because they are communities of people like you – they know what it feels like.

  • Each Support GroupSupport Group In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers. is private and confidential to just that group and our team (our employees and volunteers)
  • Each group is its own community of fellow survivors providing support to each other
  • Each group is governed by the SCARS Code of Conduct, the NOVA Standard for Crime Victims Assistance, and our own policies to keep you safe
  • Each group is very international so you can compare experiences with others from around the world, and it also means someone is available around the clock
  • We offer groups in English and Spanish ourselves, but other SCARS Partners & Affiliates offer them in many other languages as well throughout Europe and Asia
  • If you are not ready for a support group, it is ok. When you are ready we will be here!

Essential Tools For Every Scam Victim From SCARS Publishing

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Each is based on our SCARS Team’s 31 plus years of experience.

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SCARS GREN BOOK - The SCARS STEPS Guide to Scam Victim Recovery

SCARS GREEN BOOK
Self-Help Self-Paced Recovery Program Guide

LEARN HOW TO RECOVER ON YOUR OWN

This program is designed to help scam victims struggling to recover on their own and for those who want to understand the overall process. You can be using other resources, such as traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS. counselingCounseling Counseling is the professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes. A mental health counselor (MHC), or counselor, is a person who works with individuals and groups to promote optimum mental and emotional health. Such persons may help individuals deal with issues associated with addiction and substance abuse; family, parenting, and marital problems; stress management; self-esteem; and aging. They may also work with "Social Workers", "Psychiatrists", and "Psychologists". SCARS does not provide mental health counseling. or therapy, qualified support groups, or completely independent – on your own!

The SCARS Steps program is a complete program and is provided for the purpose of helping scam victims to overcome this experience. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues and challenges that a victim may have and help guide them through their recovery. But each person is different and it is important to understand your own reasons for being vulnerable to being scammed.

After the trauma of being scammed, you need to take steps to recover and move on. This may be an alternative to counseling in the short term, but we still encourage you to seek out professional help & support. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues, challenges, defects, or problems that a victim may have in a generalized way.

The SCARS GREEN BOOK will help you recover from your scam offline and it will always be there when you need it!

Get it here

SCARS SLATE BOOK - A Guide For Families & Friends Of Scam Victims

SCARS SLATE BOOK – Let Us Explain What Happened!

A Guide For Families & Friends Of Scam Victims

HOW TO HELP ROMANCE SCAM VICTIMS FOR FAMILIES & FRIENDS OF SCAM VICTIMS

This SCARS Publishing book represents a complete guide to help the families and friends understand how these scams work and how to help the victim.

The SCARS Slate Book should be purchased by family and friends to better understand what happened to the victim and the traumatic impact on them. But it can also be shared by the victim so that they do not have to explain to family and friends about the scam. This publication is to help others to help Scam Victims to make it through this traumatic experience and recover.

Each person is different and it is important to understand how relationship scamsRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam? work and why people are vulnerable; to being scammed, how they were lured in, then groomed and manipulated. This understanding is essential in helping them through the process of ending the scam and then on to recovery. The SCARS Slate Book will provide the information necessary to help support a victim through this process.

Get it here

SCARS RED BOOK - Your Personal Scam Evidence & Crime Record Organizer

SCARS RED BOOK
Your Personal Scam Evidence & Crime Record Organizer

ORGANIZE YOUR INFORMATION TO MAKE THE REPORTING PROCESS SIMPLE!

Helps you get and stay organized. This publication is to help Scam Victims organize their crime information. Complete this information before reporting to the police then bring this book with you

Before or after reporting to the police the RED BOOK gives you a dedicated tool to record all the essential facts of this crime. The Victim, the Scammers, the Money, and your Police interactions. Everything that really matters can be easily recorded for your immediate use and for the future!

As we have seen, money recovery/repayment programs can become available years after the scam ends and you need to keep all the details of this crime in case it is needed. We have also seen scammers being extradited to the U.S. and other countries, this will help in the event you testify or give statements, Additionally, this helps you have your information ready to qualify for victims’ benefits, compensation, or aid.

The Official SCARS RED BOOK is your way of recording all the important facts of this crime so that you do not lose essential information, Complete the RED BOOK then put it away with the confidence that you will have it if or when it is needed.

Get it here

SCARS BLUE BOOK - Survivor's Recovery Journal
SCARS LIME BOOK - Wisdom & Motivation for Scam Victims
SCARS CHERRY BOOK - A Guide To Understanding Your Fear
SCARS WORKBOOK - 8 Steps To Improvement
SCARS WORKBOOK - Understanding Self-Blame, Guilt, and Shame
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100% of all profit goes to help SCARS help more scam victims worldwide.

Your generous purchase allows us to maintain our scam avoidance, support, and recovery services. Please help SCARS and stand proud.

Always Report All Scams – Anywhere In The World To:

U.S. FTCFTC The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is an independent agency of the United States government whose principal mission is the enforcement of civil (non-criminal) U.S. antitrust law and the promotion of consumer protection. The FTC can also act as a clearinghouse for criminal reports sent to other agencies for investigation and prosecution. To learn more visit www.FTC.gov or to report fraud visit ReportFraud.FTC.gov at https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/#/?orgcode=SCARS and SCARS at www.Anyscams.com