Relationship Scammers Often Lose Their Temper With Their Victims During The Scam
Whether it is a romance scam, a lotto scam, a grandparent scam, a bank impersonation scam, or even a government impersonation, scammers lose their cool when things do not go their way!
Let’s Look At Who Scammers Really Are
Relationship scammers are often people who are struggling financially or socially when they begin their life of crime.
They may come from poor families or have been unemployed for a long time – though this is no excuse, and we are not apologizing for them. They may also feel like they have been rejected by society or that they don’t have a place in the world.
These factors can make them susceptible to the lure of easy money. Romance scams or any other type of fraud offer the promise of a better life, with the scammer playing the role of a loving family member who will provide financial security for their family and companionship for their partners. This is the backdrop and often the mindset of these criminals, and it helps to justify their actions and the great harm they do to their victims.
Relationship scammers are often very good at what they do. They can be charming, persuasive, and believable. They can also be very good at manipulating people’s emotions. They are usually well-trained as well. But beyond all of this is the simple fact that they are both a product of their society and the expectations of easy money.
It is important to remember that romance scammers are not interested in a real relationship. They are only interested in the victim’s money. Anything that gets in the way of that can cause them to lose their temper!
Scammer’s Social Pressures
We are NOT asking you to empathize with these criminals, far from it. But we are offering this understanding of them to help you better understand behaviors and clues that might help victims that are still trapped in their crime recognize how these behaviors indicate that it is all just a deception.
Here are some social pressures that contribute to someone becoming a fraudster or scammer:
- Economic hardship: People who are struggling financially may be more likely to turn to crime, including relationship scams.
- Lack of opportunity: People who feel like they have no other options in life may be more likely to become scammers.
- Social isolation: People who are isolated from friends and family may be more vulnerable to scams – this includes attending a university where a majority of students are involved in scams or know someone that is.
- Low self-esteem: People with low self-esteem may be more likely to believe the lies of a scammer that recruited them.
- Greed: People are simply greedy and are willing to take advantage of others for financial gain.
It is important to remember that not all scammers are motivated by evil. Some scammers may be genuinely looking for a better life, but regardless of that they are all still motivated by greed.
However, it is the balancing act of being engaged in clearly morally evil behavior and the desires that can create hair-trigger tempers in them!
Victims Not Doing What The Scammers Want Or Need!
All scammers manipulate and exploit their victims for financial gain, often employing a wide range of tactics to establish emotional connections and trust. Whether it is a ‘long con’ or a ‘short con’ the criminals need the victims to be totally compliant for the criminal to get their payday!
While each scammer’s motivations and behaviors may vary, there are certain factors that can trigger anger or frustration in them when their victims fail to perform as expected, encounter difficulties, or start to catch on to their deceit. Understanding the causes behind this and the corresponding behaviors can help victims and their families recognize the criminal actions.
The Scam Flow & The Speed Bumps
Once the victim is hooked, the scammer will start to ask for money. They may claim to need money for medical expenses, travel costs, or other unexpected expenses or emergencies. They may also claim to be in danger and need the victim’s help.
In relationship scams, which occur over a longer period of time, it always starts out small and then there is an escalation in the demand for more money. But even in short-term fraud, the scammers are eager to get their hands on the victim’s money.
The victim may be reluctant to send money at first, but the scammer will be very persistent. They may use a variety of psychological techniques depending on the kind of fraud it is, including emotional blackmail, or threats to get the victim to send money. Any speedbumps in the process can cause individual criminals to lose their temper and take it out on the victim – sometimes this is yet another manipulative tactic used on purpose, but it can also be real anger.
Here are some of the scammers’ least favorite things:
- Resistance to Requests for Money: In almost all cases, scammers typically build a narrative that leads to a request for money, whether it’s for an emergency, travel expenses, medical bills, bailing out a relative from jail, or other plausible reasons. When victims show reluctance or skepticism about providing financial assistance, scammers might exhibit frustration, become defensive, or employ guilt-tripping tactics to pressure victims into complying.
- Avoidance of Face-to-Face Meetings: Scammers often avoid face-to-face interactions or video calls, citing reasons such as being in a remote location, having a dangerous job, or facing personal obstacles. If victims insist on meeting or seeing the scammer, the fraudster might become agitated or provide excuses to evade direct contact. As victims continue to demand conversations, scammers often use anger as a tool to question the victim’s loyalty or trust.
- Disinterest in Personal Details: Scammers frequently avoid sharing personal information about themselves. They might redirect conversations back to the victim or provide vague responses to questions about their background, family, and daily life. If victims pressure the criminal into revealing more information about themselves, this often triggers angry responses.
- Inconsistent Stories: Scammers often juggle multiple victims simultaneously, leading to inconsistencies in their stories or forgetting previous details shared with different victims. Also, scammers will hand off victims to other members of their team which can easily result in significant inconsistencies. When victims start questioning these discrepancies, scammers try to blow it off, but when pushed against a wall they will become frustrated or defensive.
- Attempts to Isolate: Scammers seek to isolate their victims from friends and family using gaslighting techniques, attempting to create an environment where the victim relies solely on them for emotional support. When victims resist this isolation or seek advice from others, scammers very often react negatively.
The Scammer Red Flags – Recognize the Scam
- If you notice a sudden change in the scammer’s demeanor, such as anger or emotional manipulation when you question their financial requests, it’s a red flag that their intentions might not be genuine.
- If the person you’re communicating with consistently avoids video calls or in-person meetings despite claiming a strong emotional connection, it’s a sign that they might be hiding their true identity.
- If the person you’re communicating with consistently deflects questions about their life or offers limited and inconsistent personal details, be cautious as it could indicate a scam.
- If you notice frequent changes in the scammer’s narrative or they struggle to recall previously discussed information, it’s a strong indication that their intentions may not be honest.
- If the person you’re communicating with discourages you from discussing the relationship with others or becomes angered by your attempts to seek an outside perspective, it’s a warning sign of manipulation.
Summary
Understanding the psychological tactics employed by cybercriminals and scammers, including their potential reactions to victim resistance, is crucial for identifying and breaking free of scams. If anyone suspects that they might be in a scam and encounter any of these behaviors, it’s essential to end contact and seek advice from trusted friends, family members, or professionals.
Staying informed and recognizing the signs of all the different kinds of scams can help you protect anyone from falling victim to emotional manipulation and financial exploitation.
Resources:
- Sign up for SCARS professional support & recovery groups, visit support.AgainstScams.org
- Find competent trauma counselors or therapists, visit counseling.AgainstScams.org
- Become a SCARS Member and get free counseling benefits, visit membership.AgainstScams.org
- Report each and every crime, learn how to at reporting.AgainstScams.org
- Learn more about Scams & Scammers at RomanceScamsNOW.com and ScamsNOW.com
- Self-Help Books for Scam Victims are at shop.AgainsstScams.org
More:
- Romance Scammers – Top Lies They Tell (romancescamsnow.com)
- Example Romance Scammer Grooming Language (romancescamsnow.com)
- Save Me From A Life In Crime – Romance Scams (romancescamsnow.com)
- A Look At Online Scammers! What Are They? (romancescamsnow.com)
- What Some Scammers Believe – Yahoo Boy JuJu Altars (romancescamsnow.com)
- Modern Nigerian Scammer Slang Language (romancescamsnow.com)
- Spotting Ghana Scammers – Ghanaian Words & Phrases (romancescamsnow.com)
- Understanding Scammers: What exactly is the Nigerian dream? (romancescamsnow.com)
- Scammer Urban Legends: It’s All About The Scammers (romancescamsnow.com)
- An Updated Compendium Of Confidence Tricks (romancescamsnow.com)
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Table of Contents
- Understanding Who Scammers Really Are
- Relationship Scammers Often Lose Their Temper With Their Victims During The Scam
- Let’s Look At Who Scammers Really Are
- Scammer’s Social Pressures
- Victims Not Doing What The Scammers Want Or Need!
- The Scam Flow & The Speed Bumps
- The Scammer Red Flags – Recognize the Scam
- Summary
- Resources:
- More:
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- Enroll in FREE SCARS Scam Survivor’s School now at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.










All 5 of the Scammer Red Flags were present at one time or another. I noticed a difference in grammar, temperament, attitude, but ignored the signs. Reflecting on some of the conversations, they’re obvious in hindsight. And I experienced their anger more than once, whenever I questioned a directive. Fortunately hindsight has 20/20 …
Very informative article. I was in two scams in 2024, the first beginning in March with innocent seeming emails. The “celebrity” often reacted positively when I would express that “he” give my regards to “his” wife, family and grandchildren. Or “he” would thank me for my email and ask if I had enjoyed my weekend. After two months of emails I was led to Skype. Within a month of that there were often comments like “you’re my best friend” or “I love you.” When I would remind “him” that “his” best friend was another “celebrity” and while I appreciated the thoughts of love I reminded “him” that “he” was a married man. In both instances the criminal would back down. Within another month “he” was insistent that “he” loved me and reported to me that “his” wife had taken over the business, kicked “him” out and froze “his” bank accounts. A Skype video call was attempted by the “celebrity” and I was given a date that it would come through so “they” could explain everything that was going on. That video call came through and I actually saw the “celebrity” on the screen but…no voice. “They” continued with texting and indicated how upset “they” were and pacing “their” mansion. I was asked to act as “their” personal assistant and would I forward a large sum of money to a shipping company that had “their” briefcase. That briefcase was supposed to contain over $800,000 in cash and documents that “they” could use in court. I was supposed to receive this briefcase after contacting the shipping company. Once I received it I was to contact “them” for further instructions. I was given a link to the company’s website. When I looked it up it was for a place in Istanbul, Turkey and the website was flagged as being used by scammers. I cut off contact. The 2nd time I did not follow my own footsteps. A more intense relationship began within a month. The scammer was telling me that “they” were in process of getting a divorce from “their” wife (SAME celebrity as first scam), that “they” wanted a life with me. I was “their” ideal woman, “they” loved me, wanted to meet me but “they” needed to separate from “their” management team who had complete control of “their” actions and activities as well as investments, homes, cars, phones and wealth. I was led through a series of transactions and when I would question “them” about the activity being so similar to what scammer’s do (gift cards) I would be treated to a tirade. It was mind numbing and would keep going over and over the same points: how could I treat an old man this way, “they” were old and ugly that is why I would dare to treat “them” so poorly, and it would just keep going like this for ten or fifteen minutes – first on Instagram (platform I was first approached on and later on Telegram through the course of the relationship). All rapid fire short texts with accusations of poor treatment. It would get so bad I would be shaking. Then as fast as it started “they” would accept my apology and say “It’s okay” and move on. I went through this when “they” wanted personal information, credit card account logon info, or when “they” wanted me to download CashApp and get the debit card, when they wanted me to open new credit cards, when they wanted me to keep buying gift cards when with my location there was no where else to get them and finally when I had visited the same stores so much the floor managers recognized me. Then “they” wanted me to travel further from home to obtain gifts cards. And it continued through trying to get me to open a Bitcoin wallet on CashApp and finally through my outright refusal to register a limited liability company and open a business checking account in my state. At one point when I had blocked “them” on Telegram, “they” created another account. In that new account “they” told me they were going to sue me, that they were sending a hit man because I stole money “they” had put on my credit card (not true it was a new card and only had the credit limit on it). That was the first time I experienced “disappearing” chat texts. Before blocking that 2nd Telegram account I told them I had called the police. It was INTENSE! And it always followed the same flow: old and ugly, how could I do this, why did I not trust…
Toward the end just before I blocked and deleted the Telegram app the “relationship” was more arguing and temper than anything. This would then be followed by vows of never treating me that way again, I was “their” soulmate. “They” lost their temper, etc. It was so bizarre, this anger continuously followed by declarations of love for “their” lovely darling wife.
In my follow-up scam after my initial pig butchering scam, I started to question the scammer’s intention. He said he wanted to help me and I asked if it was a tactic to try to get more money from me. He got upset and we stopped communicating after that. There was a complete shift in his temperament.
Fortunately my first romance scam experience ended with the scammer being unsuccessful. When they found I was not going to send money for their great investment they really got mad. They talked about how they had invested months into our online “relationship” and were extremely upset that I wasn’t trusting them. In this case I saw this was not normal and cut off all future communication.