Why Do Men Become Victims Of Scammers?
Men have several weaknesses that are hard-wired into them.
These are good characteristics, but scammers use them to exploit men. Women also have exploitable characteristics, just different, but right now we are talking about men.
Men have a tendency to be focused on appearance as there first point of connection. Scammers use this to create the initial lure. They use photos of extremely attractive women (in many cases porn stars) stolen from real people to lure them in. Why use porn stars? For the same reason that these women are porn stars, because their appearance hits the right buttons in men that make them successful in their trade. Men are wired to both be attracted to these women, and to lower their defenses. This is wired into men and related to the desire to procreate healthy offspring in our ancestors.
Ironically, dating experts recommend that men seek women that are not super beautiful. Because it will reduce competition anxiety – the fear of losing a very attractive women to a competitor.
Good men also have a tendency to be “knights in shining armor”. Meaning they will come to the defense of the “damsel in distress”. Meaning that once they form a connection visually & emotionally, they will do almost anything to save their “fair maiden” from trolls and dragons. This is another characteristic that scammers exploit.
Think of these as software bugs, and the fraudsters as psychological hackers that use them to break into men’s operating systems.
These two flaws, and they are good flaws for the right real women, are the ways of exploiting the male victim. These are the ways that scammers get men to send thousands of Dollars or Pounds or Euros to them without any real proof. It’s hard wired faith – belief that they are defending or saving their fair maiden.
Understanding these exploits can help men know the ways of romance scammers, and turn the situation around.
How can men avoid their own weaknesses? It is actually very simple.
ONE: Avoid anyone that mentions or is in Africa. Treat Africa as a quarantine zone, not just from Ebola, but from Dating long distance. No matter what the person or the pitch – build a Great Wall of China around the entire continent. Just don’t go there!
TWO: Seek normal looking women. They do exist, and there are plenty that are pretty, without being on the level of a porn star.
THREE: Normal people have normal photos. Sure everyone takes selfies now, meaning they are very self-centered, but look for photos in context. In fact, probe for that same context in everything they say and show. If the person is in Panama, then look for consistent recent history. People do move around and travel, it is the nature of our modern world, but look for a consistent history, and photos to support it. Also look for real local knowledge of the place they profess to be – Google everything – trust but verify.
FOUR: Support on demand – meaning that they can support their current activities with recent photos and new photos on demand. Before you get too far down the rabbit-hole, look for and ask for photos from current activities. Remain emotionally disconnected until you are absolutely sure they are where they say they are.
FIVE: Be honestly skeptical – meaning tell them you have encountered scammers before, and use this as a way to share proof of who you are, and look for a reciprocal sharing from the other person. That is to say, if they say they went somewhere ask for photos, if they are going somewhere ask for photos. It is so easy to take photos with your phone, no one that doesn’t take photos will seem suspect. However, share piece by piece – never give up too much information until you KNOW for sure the person is real – you can be honest about this concern.
SIX: Respect the RED FLAGS. If something is odd, comment on it and trust your instinct. Either get a valid reason that you can trust, or bail out of the connection. You can give the other person your concern, and an opportunity to provide proof that you are being paranoid. If they are real, and value your connection, they will come back with a real explanation. If they are not, they will dismiss it, in which case just run away. Online dating is about a process of spiraling towards trust. Imagine you are a deer trying to date a another deer – but you have to constantly be looking for the a lion on the other side – if another deer then great, if a lion you need to run as soon as you recognize it for what it is.
SEVEN: Real things happen to real people. Yes, people get sick and have accidents. People lose their jobs, have kids that get sick. Crash their cars. Have fires. Have emergencies. There is nothing wrong with helping someone in need. However, if there have been RED FLAGS in the relationship / connection thus far, and someone asks for money, tell them you cannot give them anything. How they respond to that will tell you a great deal about who they are. Especially never give money to someone you have never met. After you meet someone in person, and everything is confirmed, then it is different. But remember that Asian scammers always tell you the truth about themselves, except for their real marital status – they leave out that they have a boyfriend or husband.
EIGHT: Give the relationship time. Hard as it may be, if this is real then take months before you leap. Take the time to learn the other person. Make a couple of trips to learn who they are. See their family, learn how they live. Learn about their children (if they have children). See if they can get a Visa to come and visit you. Make the effort to develop a solid relationship over time.
If you follow these steps and understand your own hard-wired software bugs, you can avoid the scammers traps.
In the case of Asians and Russians/Ukrainians you need to do a couple of addition steps:
NINE: Hire a private investigator to confirm marital status. Find out for sure if the person is free to move in with you and marry you first. Also find out if the person is meeting other men coming to visit them.
TEN: Fiancee Visas. Before investing too much money in the relationship, go for the Fiancee Visa. You need to know if the person can qualify for one, and too many times this will cause the person to run if they know they have to make a visit to your embassy in their country. The embassy card is an excellent one to play no matter what – it will scare off the scammers fast. In fact if someone asks for money, tell them you will send it to your embassy in their country – scammers will refuse to go there and make any excuse to push you to an alternate money transfer route.
One thing to remember about Asians, such as Filipinas especially. These are poor countries and many times they live truly hand to mouth. Many Filipinas are sincere and looking for a way out, but this is NOT romance, this is survival. If you take time to develop your relationship, you can convert necessity into affection, but never mistake the basic motivation. Be sure before you commit to an Asian.
Romance Scams Now Editorial Team
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