Last Updated on by SCARS Editorial Team
SCARSSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS.™ Recovery: Write A Letter To Your ScammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer. – Say What You Feel!
Write A Letter That You Never Intend To Send
One of the great challenges of scamScam A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime - is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. victim recovery is resolving those unresolvable conflicts, and one of the greatest is never really being able to tell your scammer how much they harmed you.
NOTICE: We DO NOT Recommend You Reopen Communications With Your Scammer, This Is For Your Benefit, Not Theirs!
You Have Things You Want To Say
This is not about their reaction, this is about yours. This is about you being able to privately and safely express the terrible feelings of hurt and regret and shameShame Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness. that you feel after being violated in a romance scam. This is about saying the things that you could never express to them directly, or anyone else for that matter – just between your heart and the words.
It does not matter how long it is as long as you get everything down that you feel. This is not a dialog, this is a one time statement of your pain and the frustration you feel after the scam.
How To Begin
Just begin in the usal way …
I know that you will never read this but you hurt me and I need to tell you …
Remember, this is not a journal of your day to day life and feelings. This is your one chance to put down on paper or the screen your true inner pain and anguish – but do not send it, because your fragile emotional state would not respond well to what the scammer might say in reply.
If the scammer were to get this and reply, they would either ridicule you or apologize in an attempt to get more money from you. So DO NOT ever send this to them.
You Can Write More Than One
If you feel the need, you can write more than one. Although you will need to be careful here since too many can turn into an obsession. Almost no one would need to write for than a few.
Serves Another Purpose
This letter can also serve another important purpose for you in the days, weeks, and years to come. This is your own personal time capsule. It is a record of how you really felt at a singular moment in time.
As the months go by and you slowly recover you can look back at this after 6 or 12 or 18 months and see how far you have come from those feelings that you wrote about compared to where you are then.
Most victims that use this process find it gives them an incredible boost of confidence to realize just how much progress they have made in recovering. When you begin, you have real doubts about if you can survive this, but as time goes by the pain and angerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. loses its control over you. Months in the future will come to a point where you can go a whole day without thinking about it, and when you look back you will be able to remember the pain as a distant memory like a childhood cut and amaze yourself with how well you have survived.
Helping Other Victims
After time passes, another use for this letter may be to help other victims understand how profound their pain is but that they will get through this. When you are substantially down the recovery path it is difficult to share your original feelings with other victims – you may want to help, but sharing your letter may be a perfect way to express that you also felt exactly the same way. This kind of victim to victim connection can help newer victims truly understand that others have been in their shoes.
Remember that you do not want or need to send this letter to your scammer. It is just a way for you to express your true feelings. You can burn the letter or tear it into little pieces after you are done with it if you want, though we encourage you to keep it as a milestone and message to your future self!
Recovery Is A Hard Process
If it were easy everyone could do it. Only about a third of victims make the decision to recover, the rest deny or are so angry they cannot see the need. On average they take many times longer to recover, assuming they ever do. You have the choice, right now, right here, to return to something close to your old self. You will never be quite the same – you will be more knowledgable after this, wiser and with scars – but you can get through this.
We Are Here To Help!
Dr. Tim McGuinness
Miami Florida U.S.A.
TAGS: Recovery, Scam Victim, Emotions, Hurt, Pain, Shame, Never Be Ashamed, Never Give Up, Write A Letter, Dear Scammer, Express Yourself, Overcoming Anger, Overcoming Shame, Healing, Closure,
– – –
Tell us about your experiences with Romance Scammers in our Scams Discussion Forum on Facebook »
– – –
FAQ: How Do You Properly Report Scammers?
It is essential that law enforcement knows about scamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime - is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. & scammers, even though there is nothing (in most cases) that they can do.
Always report scams involving money lost or where you received money to:
- Local Police – ask them to take an “informational” police report – say you need it for your insurance
- Your National Police or FBIFBI FBI - Federal Bureau of Investigation The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) is the domestic intelligence and security service of the United States and its principal federal law enforcement agency. Operating under the jurisdiction of the United States Department of Justice, the FBI is also a member of the U.S. Intelligence Community and reports to both the Attorney General and the Director of National Intelligence. A leading U.S. counter-terrorism, counterintelligence, and criminal investigative organization, the FBI has jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of federal crimes, including financial fraud. (www.IC3.gov »)
- The SCARS|CDN™ Cybercriminal Data Network – Worldwide Reporting Network HERE » or on www.Anyscam.com »
This helps your government understand the problem, and allows law enforcement to add scammers on watch lists worldwide.
– – –
Visit our NEW Main SCARS Facebook page for much more information about scams and online crime: www.facebook.com/SCARS.News.And.Information »
To learn more about SCARS visit www.AgainstScams.org
Please be sure to report all scammers HERE » or on www.Anyscam.com »
All original content is Copyright © 1991 – 2020 SCARS All Rights Reserved Worldwide & Webwide – SCARS/Romance Scams Now & SCARS/Society of Citizens Against Relationship ScamsSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. are all trademarks of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated (formerly the Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams)
All original content is Copyright © 1991 – 2020 SCARS All Rights Reserved Worldwide & Webwide. Third-party copyrights acknowledge.
SCARS, RSN, Romance Scams Now, SCARS|WORLDWIDE, SCARS|GLOBAL, SCARS, Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams, Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams, SCARS|ANYSCAM, Project Anyscam, Anyscam, SCARS|GOFCH, GOFCH, SCARS|CHINA, SCARS|CDN, SCARS|UK, SCARS Cybercriminal Data Network, Cobalt Alert, Scam Victims Support GroupSupport Group In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers., are all trademarks of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated.
Contact the law firm for the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated by email at legal@AgainstScams.org