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SCARS™ Recovery: Write A Letter To Your Scammer – Say What You Feel!

Write A Letter That You Never Intend To Send

One of the great challenges of scam victim recovery is resolving those unresolvable conflicts, and one of the greatest is never really being able to tell your scammer how much they harmed you.

NOTICE: We DO NOT Recommend You Reopen Communications With Your Scammer, This Is For Your Benefit, Not Theirs!

You Have Things You Want To Say

This is not about their reaction, this is about yours. This is about you being able to privately and safely express the terrible feelings of hurt and regret and shame that you feel after being violated in a romance scam. This is about saying the things that you could never express to them directly, or anyone else for that matter – just between your heart and the words.

It does not matter how long it is as long as you get everything down that you feel. This is not a dialog, this is a one time statement of your pain and the frustration you feel after the scam.

How To Begin

Just begin in the usal way …

Dear Scammer,

I know that you will never read this but you hurt me and I need to tell you …

Remember, this is not a journal of your day to day life and feelings. This is your one chance to put down on paper or the screen your true inner pain and anguish – but do not send it, because your fragile emotional state would not respond well to what the scammer might say in reply.

If the scammer were to get this and reply, they would either ridicule you or apologize in an attempt to get more money from you. So DO NOT ever send this to them.

You Can Write More Than One

If you feel the need, you can write more than one. Although you will need to be careful here since too many can turn into an obsession. Almost no one would need to write for than a few.

Serves Another Purpose

This letter can also serve another important purpose for you in the days, weeks, and years to come. This is your own personal time capsule. It is a record of how you really felt at a singular moment in time.

As the months go by and you slowly recover you can look back at this after 6 or 12 or 18 months and see how far you have come from those feelings that you wrote about compared to where you are then.

Most victims that use this process find it gives them an incredible boost of confidence to realize just how much progress they have made in recovering. When you begin, you have real doubts about if you can survive this, but as time goes by the pain and anger loses its control over you. Months in the future will come to a point where you can go a whole day without thinking about it, and when you look back you will be able to remember the pain as a distant memory like a childhood cut and amaze yourself with how well you have survived.

Helping Other Victims

After time passes, another use for this letter may be to help other victims understand how profound their pain is but that they will get through this. When you are substantially down the recovery path it is difficult to share your original feelings with other victims – you may want to help, but sharing your letter may be a perfect way to express that you also felt exactly the same way. This kind of victim to victim connection can help newer victims truly understand that others have been in their shoes.

Please Remember!

Remember that you do not want or need to send this letter to your scammer. It is just a way for you to express your true feelings. You can burn the letter or tear it into little pieces after you are done with it if you want, though we encourage you to keep it as a milestone and message to your future self!

Recovery Is A Hard Process

If it were easy everyone could do it. Only about a third of victims make the decision to recover, the rest deny or are so angry they cannot see the need. On average they take many times longer to recover, assuming they ever do. You have the choice, right now, right here, to return to something close to your old self. You will never be quite the same – you will be more knowledgable after this, wiser and with scars – but you can get through this.

We Are Here To Help!

SCARS the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated

Dr. Tim McGuinness
SCARS™ Chairman

Miami Florida U.S.A.


TAGS: Recovery, Scam Victim, Emotions, Hurt, Pain, Shame, Never Be Ashamed, Never Give Up, Write A Letter, Dear Scammer, Express Yourself, Overcoming Anger, Overcoming Shame, Healing, Closure,



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FAQ: How Do You Properly Report Scammers?

It is essential that law enforcement knows about scams & scammers, even though there is nothing (in most cases) that they can do.

Always report scams involving money lost or where you received money to:

  1. Local Police – ask them to take an “informational” police report – say you need it for your insurance
  2. Your National Police or FBI ( »)
  3. The SCARS|CDN™ Cybercriminal Data Network – Worldwide Reporting Network HERE » or on »

This helps your government understand the problem, and allows law enforcement to add scammers on watch lists worldwide.

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Visit our NEW Main SCARS Facebook page for much more information about scams and online crime: »


To learn more about SCARS visit

Please be sure to report all scammers HERE » or on »

All original content is Copyright © 1991 – 2020 SCARS All Rights Reserved Worldwide & Webwide – SCARS/Romance Scams Now & SCARS/Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams are all trademarks of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated (formerly the Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams)


Write A Letter To Your Scammer - Say What You Feel! - SCARS™ Recovery 1


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SCARS™™ is the official knowledge and victims' support publication of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams™ Incorporated [SCARS]™ It is edited and published by the SCARS Team. SCARS is the world's leading anti-scam charitable nonprofit nongovernmental organization, based in Miami Florida U.S.A. Its founder has been involved in combating online fraud since 1991. SCARS™ - the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. is a charitable nonprofit nongovernmental organization (NGO) dedicated to advocating victim's causes and changing government and law enforcement attitudes toward online fraud for good! Please join us in becoming a member of SCARS - it's free! Add your voice so that the world will listen at last - just go to The SCARS|RSN website and all of our publications (including social media) are maintained by our own staff employees and volunteers to provide you the most up to date information about scams & scammers from around the world. We show you how to avoid them or recover from them. SCARS is the only registered online crime victims' assistance & support organization in the world. Be sure to report scammers here. Also, visit our main Facebook page for more information about romance scams.