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SCARS Institute’s Encyclopedia of Scams™ Published Continuously for 25 Years

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The Scam Is Over But You Are Still Being Manipulated

A SCARS Psychology of Scams Insight

You Were Romance Scammed

You discovered the scam and ended it, but you are still being manipulated by the scammer!

For some victims, this can go on for months or even years after the scam ends!

Scammer’s Goals

Think for a moment about the scammer’s goals during your scam? They had five primary goals:

  1. Groom and set up a victim to be manipulated – to be made ready to be scammed.
  2. Obtain the maximum amount of money possible.
  3. Optionally, if possible, set up the victim to become a mule to facilitate victimization of others.
  4. Set up the victim for follow-on scams – money recovery scams, investigation scams, etc.
  5. Be able to continue scamming other victims

During the scam, the scammers would do the grooming and setup, then extract whatever they can from the victim. Additionally, at least one in 100 will be convinced to act as mules.

But what about their goal of being able to continue their business of scamming others?

Final Phase Manipulation

During the final phase of your scam, when the scammer was trying to get every last cent from the victim, they were also engaged in various forms of manipulation that included gaslighting. (learn more about Gaslighting here)

Gaslighting plays an important role in managing victims throughout the course of the scam in progress, but it also prepares the victim for what follows.

Most victims are not aware of this but the scammer is setting up the victim for the shame and self-blame that follows the scam. Most victims feel a profound sense of shame and blame themselves for allowing the scam. This is based upon the false notion that they could have stopped it or should have recognized the red flags.

Sadly, the fact is that virtually anyone can be scammed – the victim enables this by ignorance about scams and the mistaken belief in their intelligence. This is not blaming, just a statement of fact. Accepting the truth is both a requirement for recovery after a scam and to lay the foundation to relieve their blame and self-doubt going forward.

Most victims believe they should have been able to detect the scam – in hindsight, all the red flags were clearly visible. Yet, they were powerless (in most cases) to stop it until the very end. Why?

Because the manipulation that was being done by the scammers was holding the victim in place. Victims were set up to:

  • Doubt their own judgment about the relationship – it just had to be real!
  • Doubt the advice of friends and family – they just don’t understand!
  • Create a need or dependency on the relationship – who are they without it?
  • Total focus on the mythical future outcome – living happily ever after!
  • Even as it is discovered, they doubt that it could have happened!
  • When they believe it was a scam – how could they have been so foolish?

These are the implants that the scammers manipulate each victim to believe at different stages of the scam. So that in the end, the doubts and confusion that the scammer leaves behind cripples the victim.

Post-Scam Belief System

After the scam has been discovered, the scammers leave behind several lingering beliefs that hold victims back and tend to derail their recovery. Victims believe:

  • They were blind to not have seen the red flags!
  • They were stupid to have ever allowed it to begin!
  • They were foolish to have allowed it to continue as long as it did!
  • They are to blame for the scam!
  • No one can help them!
  • No one will understand why it happened!
  • Everyone will blame them for being scammed!

Every one of these was implanted or reinforced by the scammer during the course of the scam. Some very overtly, some much more subtly.

Of course, some self-blame is human nature – it is how parents raised their children to accept blame for wrong things they did. But in this case, this is mostly the scammer’s manipulation to hold on as long as possible and then to leave the victim paralyzed after the fact.

Post-Scam Paralysis

Because one of the scammer’s goals is to be able to continue scamming after each scam ends, they both create an opportunity for follow-on scams and to paralyze the victim after the fact.

Victims that come away from the scam in denial conveniently go away and hide. They tell no one and pretend it never happened. Some will be in a panic to recover their money and this makes them an easy prey for money recovery & investigation scams.

Victims that come away from the scam in anger and rage can’t think effectively or strategically, so they represent no threat to the scammer. They will be focused on the wrong things and run around in rage and fury, without doing anything effective.

Victims that are left in fear because of scammer threats generally do not even report these crimes, so the scammers get away free and clear.

While individual scammers may not be well enough educated to create these processes themselves, they buy their road maps and scripts – so they begin with the complete plan, dialogs, and scripts to pull all of this off. If they work for one of the larger cartels, they will be mentored and trained by experts.

Ironically, one of the implanted beliefs that scammers leave behind is that some victims instantly believe they are experts in scams and decide to become saviors – this is just another kind of vigilantism. Mostly they communicate the wrong information and urban legends, all the while keeping other victims in confusion and misdirected.

The Result

The result of all of this is that the victim will deeply feel ashamed. Ashamed of themselves for allowing the scam to happen. Ashamed of their going along with it. Ashamed for the money they lost. Ashamed for their confused feelings and self-doubt.

In addition, they directly blame themselves for the scam. If they were smarter, more knowledgeable, had listened to their gut, they should have known better, they should have listened to others, they were the one to blame for it. Would have, should have, could have!

This holds the victims back from seeking real help. From talking to a trauma counselor. From joining a real support group. In fact, many will even deny they are traumatized.

The manipulation continues to keep its fingers deep into their emotions and personality.

Overcoming

The first step in truly overcoming this residual manipulation is to recognize that it is there!

This means that not only does the victim have to fully accept the scam, but also recognize that they have been expertly manipulated. It is surprising how few actually accept this.

This is where the SCARS 3 Steps for New Victims comes into this picture.

Every victim needs to:

  • Accept that it really happened and that they were not to blame!
  • There is nothing to be ashamed of – they were the victim of a criminal.
  • They can change to prevent it from ever happening again.
  • They can help others never be victims as well!

This is ironically very simple. All it takes is being able to accept the truth of the situation and not allow themselves to collapse in one themselves.

Many times it is just looking at a problem from another angle, that is what this article is for. To help every victim understand the simple truth and disconnect from the scammers lingering manipulations.

Can You Accept This?

WE HOPE YOU CAN!

Always Report All Scams – Anywhere In The World To:

Go to reporting.AgainstScams.org to learn how

U.S. FTC at https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/#/?orgcode=SCARS and SCARS at www.Anyscams.com
Visit reporting.AgainstScams.org to learn more!

TAGS: SCARS, Romance Scams, Scam Victims, Online Fraud, Online Crime Is Real Crime, Scam Avoidance, Recovering from Scams, Scammer Manipulation, Psychology of Scams, Ongoing Manipulation

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SCARS the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated

By the SCARS™ Editorial Team
Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

A Worldwide Crime Victims Assistance & Crime Prevention Nonprofit Organization Headquartered In Miami Florida USA & Monterrey NL Mexico, with Partners In More Than 60 Countries
To Learn More, Volunteer, or Donate Visit: www.AgainstScams.org
Contact Us: Contact@AgainstScams.org

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  1. The Scam Is Over But You Are Still Being Manipulated 1
    Thuy Conde September 21, 2024 at 1:09 pm - Reply

    I’ve fully accepted that I’ve been expertly groomed and manipulated by a criminal and the relationship was fake. It was not my fault. I am a survivor. AXIOS!

  2. The Scam Is Over But You Are Still Being Manipulated 2
    Corey Gale August 30, 2024 at 10:49 am - Reply

    It took me about 6 months to accept that I was expertly groomed, manipulated and all was fake.

  3. The Scam Is Over But You Are Still Being Manipulated 3
    Sandra Cid August 27, 2024 at 2:27 pm - Reply

    É curioso que nunca senti culpa ou ira contra quem me burlou. Talvez porque isto, tenha acontecido há alguns anos e eu tivesse alguma ignorância sobre o assunto e também porque a decisão de deixá-los tivesse sido minha. Fui eu que disse basta.

  4. The Scam Is Over But You Are Still Being Manipulated 4
    ron August 26, 2024 at 11:43 am - Reply

    very good article, spot on with alot of the victim behaviors pointed out.

Your comments help the SCARS Institute better understand all scam victim/survivor experiences and improve our services and processes. Thank you


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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.