SCARS Institute’s Encyclopedia of Scams™ Published Continuously for 25 Years
SCARS™ Insight: Romance Scammer As A Consort
Here Is A Head Scratcher Of A Dilemma
Over the years we have seen everything, every type of scam, and every type of victim. However, there is one type of victim that has left us not knowing how best to help them.
We know or know off women and men who are not exactly in denial, but they refuse to end their scams. They know or at least mostly know that it is a scam yet they choose to let it continue.
We have treated them as being in pure denial but they may actually be involved in something else. A willing consensual relationship with their scammers.
The Boyfriend or Girlfriend Experience
These victims may be “renting” a relationship instead of really being scammed. Meaning they are not really victims but willing participants.
There is another phrase for this that is in vogue today: “the boyfriend experience” or “the girlfriend experience.”
A girlfriend experience (GFE) is a commercial experience that blurs the boundaries between a financial transaction and a romantic relationship. It typically ranges from a transactional sex relationship with a client paying a prostitute to pretend to be his or her girlfriend (or boyfriend) during the session. Within the sex industry, GFE is a common term for a sexual encounter in which both the sex worker and the client are willing to engage in reciprocal sexual pleasure and some degree of emotional intimacy. However, it does not have to involve sex, it can just be companionship on demand.
A “girlfriend experience” generally involves more personal interaction than a traditional call girl or escort offers. There is a focus on having more of a comprehensive emotional experience.
It is really just another variation on webcam girls or boys – but without the sex. They are paying for the time and attention of the person on the other end.
Basically, these are still just variations on prostitution.
On Hiring A Consort
A Scam Consort is a form of pay as you go plan. The “consumer” is hiring the scammer with their knowledge to continue the relationship.
Obviously, there are a great many things at work here. There are the issues of the victim willingly giving money to a scammer while deluding themselves that there is a relationship.
In some cases this may be an antidote to the pain of discovery, giving into the misplaced emotion that developed and allowing them to continue under the new modus operandi. In other cases, it appears to be a simple solution of loneliness.
The one thing that is clear is that there are differences between men and women, but in the end, it all comes down to the purchase of a fantasy while deluding themselves that there is something of value there.
We think we need to rethink this a bit and recognize that some of the victims who will not stop talking to scammers are not actually victims in the truest sense. Maybe they started that way, but have since accepted the reality of the relationship.
Approaching The Problem
As an organization, we try to provide assistance and support to all victims (up to the limits of our Code of Conduct and Standards). Sadly, there are victims that we cannot help and must turn away due to their behavior or need for more serious mental health care.
In this case, we see other problems. These are people willingly consorting with scammers, and we have found many voluntarily act as Moles for their scammer, if not actual Mules as well. We have had many ask to participate in support groups only to be found to be sharing with their scammer.
For these reasons we have a blanket ban on letting victims into our support groups if they are still in contact with their scammer. It would be a bit like letting continuing drug users into a drug addict support group – they have to stop before they can even think about recovery. The same here.
What Other Victims Think:
“I will say that I know woman that cannot stop talking even they know it is a scammer because they do not want to be alone. They also except other scammers in the hope that one will be real. They said that they still are in love with the photo and do not want to let go. Their heart is broken and that is the only way they know they will not feel the sadness so much. Yes you have to help them to see that this is wrong please. No they cannot join the group as they will place the group members in danger to be invited and worst to be scammed again. Not saying it will happen but we all are human. Please rather help them to get away from scammersI know for some it is not easy but the best.”
The Ethical Quandary
This is an extremely challenging question for us as a victims assistance and support organization, and especially one that follows the NOVA Standard for Victims’ Assistance.
However, the real question here is: Are they victims or suffering from a mental illness?
We are not medical professionals so we cannot diagnose mental illness, we can only use our own methodologies and policies to guide our decisions.
Our fundamental policy across the board is simple – to receive support a victim must:
- Acknowledge that they are being scammed – we can help them with that realization one on one
- To join a peer support group they must have broken off contact with the scammer – period
If someone refuses to accept either of these then we really cannot help them. It is not about refusing to help them, but they will not be able to accept or use the help we can provide.
Please Share Your Thoughts On This Topic In Comments Below?
SCARS™ Team
A SCARS Division
Miami Florida U.S.A.
TAGS: Scam Consort, Scammer, girlfriend experience, boyfriend experience, Ethical Quandary, victim, participant, victims’ assistance, support groups,
END
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FAQ: How Do You Properly Report Scammers?
It is essential that law enforcement knows about scams & scammers, even though there is nothing (in most cases) that they can do.
Always report scams involving money lost or where you received money to:
- Local Police – ask them to take an “informational” police report – say you need it for your insurance
- Your National Police or FBI (www.IC3.gov)
- The SCARS|CDN™ Cybercriminal Data Network – Worldwide Reporting Network HERE or on www.Anyscam.com
This helps your government understand the problem, and allows law enforcement to add scammers on watch lists worldwide.
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Visit our NEW Main SCARS Facebook page for much more information about scams and online crime: www.facebook.com/SCARS.News.And.Information
To learn more about SCARS visit www.AgainstScams.org
Please be sure to report all scammers HERE or on www.Anyscam.com
All original content is Copyright © 1991 – 2020 SCARS All Rights Reserved Worldwide & Webwide – RSN/Romance Scams Now & SCARS/Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams are all trademarks of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated (formerly the Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams)
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SCARS, RSN, Romance Scams Now, SCARS|GLOBAL, SCARS, Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams, Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams, SCARS|ANYSCAM, Project Anyscam, Anyscam, SCARS|GOFCH, GOFCH, SCARS|CHINA, SCARS|CDN, SCARS Cybercriminal Data Network, Cobalt Alert, Scam Victims Support Group, are all trademarks of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated.
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- Enroll in FREE SCARS Scam Survivor’s School now at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
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If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.
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