SCARS™ Editorial: Are We Not All Tired Of The Outrage!?

Last Updated on by SCARS Editorial Team

SCARSSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS.™ Editorial: Are We Not All Tired Of The Outrage!?

What Is Wrong With People Sometimes?

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Don’t We Have Enough RageRage Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. And Hate In The World?

When you are interacting with ScamScam A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. Victims, the answer is always no. Because rage knows no limits

When someone goes through the traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS. of being a romance scam victim, after the shock and initial denialDenial Denial is a refusal or unwillingness to accept something or to accept reality. Refusal to admit the truth or reality of something, refusal to acknowledge something unpleasant; And as a term of Psychology: denial is a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality. comes the angerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability.. Anger at themselves, the scammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer., the government, the money transfer company – pretty much anger at everyone – even the people trying to help them. The anger seems like it will never stop – however, for many it never does.

We provide recovery support for thousands of victims at any given time. A significant percentage of them are trapped by their anger and outrage over almost everything.

Even a victims assistance organization like SCARS can easily become their focus. It is why there are so many haters in the victim community. They are in pain and if someone is not doing what they believe should happen they are the enemy too.

This is one of the primary reasons why police have such difficulty with scam victims

It is not so much blamingBlaming Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action. the scam victims for the scam, as their natural response the overt or hidden outrage that victims express when reporting romance scamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost..

Victims come in wanting to report the crime – but what they really want is the police to drop everything, fly to Africa, and make it all better – arrest the scammer and get their money back. Except that is yet another fairy tale, it is not the way the real world works and when it does not happen the police are to blameBlame Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action. and more outrage ensues.

This Editorial Is Not To Blame Victims

But rather to help them understand some of the reactions of others in official capacities when trying to do their best to help.

Fortunately, as the months go by, the rage reduces naturally. This is the normal process of recovery as acceptance takes over from the anger and rage. But not always.

RAGE or OUTRAGE Is Always There

The trauma of a romance scam is always lurking below the surface like the Great White Shark in Jaws – except you don’t have the theme music to tell you when it is going to resurface. It can pop up at any time.

This is one of the symptoms and consequences of PTSD in scam victims

We recognize that this outrage is there in most scam victims but what is surprising is for how long it remains. We have seen victims who have 5, 6, 7 years since their scams remain powerless when confronted with situations where their sense of outrage resurfaces – destructively at the wrong moments.

Of course, this is the PTSD breaking through – at least in many cases and the unresolved issues of self-forgivenessForgiveness What Is Forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. and incomplete recovery. But it is that very same engine that helped get the victim hooked in the beginning that has now been reprogramed to explode at the wrong moments. It is one of the reasons why so many scam victims are never able to form meaningful attachments or relationships either after they have been scammed – not the loss of trust.

As an online crime victims’ assistance organization we see this clearly

We express this not to be judgmental, but to help victims (at any stage of recovery) understand – difficult as it is – why romance scam victims respond as they do in different situations with different stimulus. The tragedy of this is also: that so few victims can recognize this in themselves and develop countermeasures to stop it when they feel it wanting to get out.

On a weekly basis, we see victims explode and storm out and away from us. Then they standoff at a distance and throw hate bombs.

More tragically, we see trusted friends and partners who were also scam victims in the past go through the same thing.  This then results in the end of friendships and the end of partnerships and affiliations.

Many victims have experienced this loss in their own lives and wondered why it happened

When outrage surfaces the reaction of most other people is the back away from the person that is losing control. But outrage is a monster that wants to be fed and it will not stop until the destruction is complete. This occurs in personal relationships, in the workplace, professionally, and even in our families.

Outrage is the monster, not the people who are its current focus.

The Solution Is Always Intervention – Self-Intervention Or From Others

In our case, this sometimes results in having to isolate a victim who is otherwise in pain and need of help – but how or maybe better asked, why would a victims’ assistance professional sustain the continued assault on themselves by raging individuals? This results in compassion burn-out and causes the very high turnover rates of workers in the support roles for certain types of crime victims – certainly the police feel it and even our own staff.

Ironically the outrage causes greater isolation of the victim, which can or will contribute to other mental healthMental health Mental health, defined by the World Health Organization (WHO), is "a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community". According to WHO, mental health includes "subjective well-being, perceived self-efficacy, autonomy, competence, intergenerational dependence, and self-actualization of one's intellectual and emotional potential, among others". From the perspectives of positive psychology or of holism, mental health may include an individual's ability to enjoy life and to create a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience. Cultural differences, subjective assessments, and competing professional theories all affect how one defines "mental health". concerns.

However, Every Victim Can Overcome This If They Recognize The Outrage In Themselves

With recognition comes the ability to better control it, work on it, and expel it from their lives. It is not easy though, and it required that the person be constantly on guard against the monster resurfacing. To not be on guard means that it will eventually cost you everything and everyone from your life.

One Last Point!

That is pride.

The flip side of the monster outrage is pride because once the Outrage monster has wrecked your life like Godzilla in Tokyo, then the Pride monster surfaces to prevent the repairs.

Most things in life can be repaired if you are willing to recognize your mistakes, and then admit them to the people that the outrage harmed. But if Pride steps in and prevents that, then it is just a forever downward spiral.

Be proud, but not Prideful

Recognize outrage and stop it wherever and whenever it appears as soon as you are able, but take responsibility for your actions, don’t let pride keep your life in ruins.

Besides, it is just so damn tiring!

More Insight On Outrage!

[contentcards url=”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201709/coping-outrage-fatigue” target=”_blank”]

[contentcards url=”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201903/making-the-world-safe-outrage-escapism-and-rigidity” target=”_blank”]

[contentcards url=”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sound-mind/201812/cure-outrage-fatigue” target=”_blank”]

Think About It

The next time you feel the outrage monster coming on, realize this is a part of the residual romance scam trauma.

Stop it – regardless of where or when – just stop it.

Then don’t bee to proud to acknowledge it.

It will make for a happier life, and a happier circle of friends, family, and coworkers!

 

 

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SCARS the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated

 

SCARS™ Team
A SCARS Division
Miami Florida U.S.A.

 

 

TAGS: SCARS, Important Article, Information About Scams, Anti-Scam, Outrage, Pride, Romance Scam Victim Rage & Anger, Irrational Response, PTSD in Romance Scam Victims, Overcoming Outrage, Scam Victim Recovery, Victims’ Assistance

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2 Comments

  1. Edward Miller June 29, 2019 at 6:47 am - Reply

    I feel bad, guilty that she maybe stuck in Canada becsuse of me. Still asking for the final 850 to get her back to the states. Texts me via a group text. I lost all and feel guilty

    • You are being scammed. Do not feel for a scammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer..

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