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SCARS™ Editorial: Are We Not All Tired Of The Outrage!?
What Is Wrong With People Sometimes?
Don’t We Have Enough Rage And Hate In The World?
When you are interacting with Scam Victims, the answer is always no. Because rage knows no limits
When someone goes through the trauma of being a romance scam victim, after the shock and initial denial comes the anger. Anger at themselves, the scammer, the government, the money transfer company – pretty much anger at everyone – even the people trying to help them. The anger seems like it will never stop – however, for many it never does.
We provide recovery support for thousands of victims at any given time. A significant percentage of them are trapped by their anger and outrage over almost everything.
Even a victims assistance organization like SCARS can easily become their focus. It is why there are so many haters in the victim community. They are in pain and if someone is not doing what they believe should happen they are the enemy too.
This is one of the primary reasons why police have such difficulty with scam victims
Victims come in wanting to report the crime – but what they really want is the police to drop everything, fly to Africa, and make it all better – arrest the scammer and get their money back. Except that is yet another fairy tale, it is not the way the real world works and when it does not happen the police are to blame and more outrage ensues.
This Editorial Is Not To Blame Victims
But rather to help them understand some of the reactions of others in official capacities when trying to do their best to help.
Fortunately, as the months go by, the rage reduces naturally. This is the normal process of recovery as acceptance takes over from the anger and rage. But not always.
RAGE or OUTRAGE Is Always There
The trauma of a romance scam is always lurking below the surface like the Great White Shark in Jaws – except you don’t have the theme music to tell you when it is going to resurface. It can pop up at any time.
This is one of the symptoms and consequences of PTSD in scam victims
We recognize that this outrage is there in most scam victims but what is surprising is for how long it remains. We have seen victims who have 5, 6, 7 years since their scams remain powerless when confronted with situations where their sense of outrage resurfaces – destructively at the wrong moments.
Of course, this is the PTSD breaking through – at least in many cases and the unresolved issues of self-forgiveness and incomplete recovery. But it is that very same engine that helped get the victim hooked in the beginning that has now been reprogramed to explode at the wrong moments. It is one of the reasons why so many scam victims are never able to form meaningful attachments or relationships either after they have been scammed – not the loss of trust.
As an online crime victims’ assistance organization we see this clearly
We express this not to be judgmental, but to help victims (at any stage of recovery) understand – difficult as it is – why romance scam victims respond as they do in different situations with different stimulus. The tragedy of this is also: that so few victims can recognize this in themselves and develop countermeasures to stop it when they feel it wanting to get out.
On a weekly basis, we see victims explode and storm out and away from us. Then they standoff at a distance and throw hate bombs.
More tragically, we see trusted friends and partners who were also scam victims in the past go through the same thing. This then results in the end of friendships and the end of partnerships and affiliations.
Many victims have experienced this loss in their own lives and wondered why it happened
When outrage surfaces the reaction of most other people is the back away from the person that is losing control. But outrage is a monster that wants to be fed and it will not stop until the destruction is complete. This occurs in personal relationships, in the workplace, professionally, and even in our families.
Outrage is the monster, not the people who are its current focus.
The Solution Is Always Intervention – Self-Intervention Or From Others
In our case, this sometimes results in having to isolate a victim who is otherwise in pain and need of help – but how or maybe better asked, why would a victims’ assistance professional sustain the continued assault on themselves by raging individuals? This results in compassion burn-out and causes the very high turnover rates of workers in the support roles for certain types of crime victims – certainly the police feel it and even our own staff.
Ironically the outrage causes greater isolation of the victim, which can or will contribute to other mental health concerns.
However, Every Victim Can Overcome This If They Recognize The Outrage In Themselves
With recognition comes the ability to better control it, work on it, and expel it from their lives. It is not easy though, and it required that the person be constantly on guard against the monster resurfacing. To not be on guard means that it will eventually cost you everything and everyone from your life.
One Last Point!
That is pride.
The flip side of the monster outrage is pride because once the Outrage monster has wrecked your life like Godzilla in Tokyo, then the Pride monster surfaces to prevent the repairs.
Most things in life can be repaired if you are willing to recognize your mistakes, and then admit them to the people that the outrage harmed. But if Pride steps in and prevents that, then it is just a forever downward spiral.
Be proud, but not Prideful
Recognize outrage and stop it wherever and whenever it appears as soon as you are able, but take responsibility for your actions, don’t let pride keep your life in ruins.
Besides, it is just so damn tiring!
More Insight On Outrage!
[contentcards url=”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201709/coping-outrage-fatigue” target=”_blank”]
[contentcards url=”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/201903/making-the-world-safe-outrage-escapism-and-rigidity” target=”_blank”]
[contentcards url=”https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sound-mind/201812/cure-outrage-fatigue” target=”_blank”]
Think About It
The next time you feel the outrage monster coming on, realize this is a part of the residual romance scam trauma.
Stop it – regardless of where or when – just stop it.
Then don’t bee to proud to acknowledge it.
It will make for a happier life, and a happier circle of friends, family, and coworkers!
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A SCARS Division
Miami Florida U.S.A.
TAGS: SCARS, Important Article, Information About Scams, Anti-Scam, Outrage, Pride, Romance Scam Victim Rage & Anger, Irrational Response, PTSD in Romance Scam Victims, Overcoming Outrage, Scam Victim Recovery, Victims’ Assistance