Romance Scam Infidelity – A SCARS Guide

Last Updated on by SCARS Editorial Team

Find Real ScammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer. & Fake Stolen Photos On ScamsONLINE.org
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Romance ScamScam A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. Infidelity – A SCARS Guide

It Is Easy For Individuals To Be Manipulated Into A Romance Scam

Anyone Can Be Scammed And Pulled Into A Fake Relationship

What Is Romance Scam Infidelity

We All Know What A Romance Scam Is?

You are vulnerable, maybe lonely, and you let a stranger into your life online. Maybe you were ready for a relationship, maybe not.

You made a bad decision and you let the wrong stranger in, the rest is what it is. After the initial bad decision psychology suggests that you were manipulated and it was beyond your control until you reached the point where you regained enough control to end it.

Yes, it affected you. Maybe you let it affect your family and friends, maybe your children too. But you left the scam in the same basic status as when you entered – alone.

ScamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. That Break Up Marriages

Sadly there is another scenario that is all too common with romance scams, infidelity!

Husbands or wives are contacted by a stranger. Maybe they are not happy? Maybe they are lonely? Maybe they just need to be acknowledged and affirmed? Maybe they just need someone to listen and talk to? Either way, they let the pretty stranger in the door and let it develop into a relationship at the expense of their real marriage and relationship.

These are scams that can go on for years, all the while the other spouse is fully aware of the true infidelity that is going on, and in many cases aware that it is a scam as well. We have seen countless cases of wives trying to understand and support their husbands (disproportionately men are affected by this more than women – but there are women too!)

The spouse not tied up in the scam suffers greatly because they have to watch not only their mate drift away and destroy their lives – yes their combined lives – but with the knowledge that the other partner generally does not even care that they know. We have heard from the wives of men trapped in these fake infidelities tell us that their husband openly talks about how he is helping his online girlfriend with her (his wife). They take family money to send to the scammer, in many cases taking out a mortgage on the family home just to lose it with the scammer. All the while the other spouse is powerless to stop it.

It is one thing when you are alone and are scammed. Not only is it forgivable but these victims were not to blameBlame Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action. – they were expertly groomed and indoctrinated after they opened themselves to a relationship.

But What About A Married Man Or Woman?

Can We Say The Same About Them, That They Were Blameless?

Yes, they are definitely the victim of a romance scam. Yes, they too were expertly manipulated – the scammers knew what they were doing to control these individuals. Are they blameless though?

Consider that in a regular romance scam it is just about you and the scammer. That first decision to invite in the stranger in was your decision to make, but most victims had no one they were expected to be faithful to – they were single, divorced, or widowed.

However, in the case of the man or woman who is married, it is totally different. They had a commitment to another person. A rational married man doesn’t get involved with a single woman even socially, they just don’t go there if they want to retain their marriage – same for women. Yet these victims made the choice to cross the line into infidelity and then lost control to the scammers. Can we say they are innocent and blameless?

Obviously, they want the same things all victims want, but knowing upfront that they were making the choice to invite the stranger in while they were married is a betrayal of their spouse. Isn’t it?

When we help victims we do not bring these issues up, we support all who need help. That assumes that we can, of course, some victims develop such layers of hostility that it makes it impossible. Regardless of how we feel about their actions, we help them get through the experience and recover. But understanding this is important as much for the spouse that was cheated on as it is for the victim themselves. In many cases, there is a profoundly greater sense of shameShame Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness. on the part of these victims, and a correspondingly great level of angerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. on the forgotten spouse.

There is also the case where the original spouse refuses to acknowledge their role in destroying their lives, but it manifests in the form of a far greater level of rageRage Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. towards the scammer.

In many respects, this is like the situation where drug addicts or alcoholics destroy their marriages for their addiction. But, perhaps not so politically correct, we do not believe it is the same, at least not in our view.

A major part of recovery is acknowledging the people that an addict has hurt along the way. Romance scams are also an addiction and many victims hurt family and friends in the process. That additional guilt is hard to work through, but it is compounded when a victim destroys a marriage or relationship because of a romance scam.

Like many things in life, it is not up to us to place blame or to forgiveForgiveness What Is Forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. these romance scam infidelities, it is up to their families. Our job is to do our best to understand the situations and support both sides to the best of our ability. We certainly empathize with the innocent victim – the spouse who was just as much a victim as the one that let the stranger in.

It is for these reasons that we provide separate online support groupsSupport Groups In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers. for family members and friends of scam victims – to help them cope with, understand, and recover from the scam as well. In this group, we only allow family & friends, not the regular victims, since the family needs to express their voice in these matters without judgment or condemnation from their spouses.

We Empathize With Those Sucked Into These Scams

This article is written for those who silently suffered. We want them to know that we understand and are here for them. We hope this may also let the victim who started it also understand some of the pain their partner experienced and be able to acknowledge that in seeking the forgivenessForgiveness What Is Forgiveness? Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. of those they hurt in the process.

We do all that is possible to end online scamming, but at the same time to help its victims, whether they had a say in the matter or not.

IS A FAKE FACE WORTH A MARRIAGE?

Always Report All Scams – Anywhere In The World To:

U.S. FTCFTC The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is an independent agency of the United States government whose principal mission is the enforcement of civil (non-criminal) U.S. antitrust law and the promotion of consumer protection. The FTC can also act as a clearinghouse for criminal reports sent to other agencies for investigation and prosecution. To learn more visit www.FTC.gov or to report fraud visit ReportFraud.FTC.gov at https://reportfraud.ftc.gov/#/?orgcode=SCARS and SCARS at www.Anyscams.com

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SCARS the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated

By the SCARS™ Editorial Team
Society of Citizens Against Relationship ScamsSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. Inc.

A Worldwide Crime Victims Assistance & Crime Prevention Nonprofit Organization Headquartered In Miami Florida USA & Monterrey NL Mexico, with Partners In More Than 60 Countries
To Learn More, Volunteer, or Donate Visit: www.AgainstScams.org
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SCARS the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated

By the SCARS™ Editorial Team
Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

A Worldwide Crime Victims Assistance & Crime Prevention Nonprofit Organization Headquartered In Miami Florida USA & Monterrey NL Mexico, with Partners In More Than 60 Countries
To Learn More, Volunteer, or Donate Visit: www.AgainstScams.org
Contact Us: Contact@AgainstScams.org

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IN MANY SCARS ARTICLES, WE MENTION TOPICS INCLUDING TRAUMATrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS., ABUSE, SELF-HARM, SUICIDALITY, RISKY BEHAVIORBehavior   Behavior / Behavioral Actions Otherwise known as habits, behavior or behavioral actions are strategies to help prevent online exploitation that target behavior, such as social engineering of victims. Changing your behavior is the ONLY effective means to reduce or prevent scams., DISORDERS, ADDICTION, AND OTHER PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITIONS. THE INFORMATION IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH PROVIDERS WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE.

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