• Letting Go - On SCARS RomanceScamsNOW.com
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SCARS Institute’s Encyclopedia of Scams™ Published Continuously for 25 Years

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You Need To Let Go

A touch of “tough love” from Romance Scams Now

A victim recently corresponded with us about how he was scammed over a 6 month period by a Ghana scammer known as “GIFTY.” If you have read our website, you would know that anyone in Ghana named “Gifty” should be assumed to be a scammer.

What is always tragic is how hard it is to accept the fact that it was a scam.

Yet accepting that fact is essential to recovering from the scam.

Many many ask us to put them in contact with the real person who’s photos were being used (stolen) by scammers. They want to help that person and make sure they know this is being done with their photos.
In fact, we recently spoke with a model in Romania who was unaware this was being done.
Trust us when we say, they do not want to hear from victims that have been scammed.
It is not out of malice, it is that so often the scammer’s victim has fallen in love with the person they see in the photo – which is not the real person in that photo – that the desire to warn the real person is just a way to establish what the victim sees as the real target of their affection. Most of the persons know their photos are being used, and are powerless to stop it; they don’t need to hear from countless victims too. Especially victims that transfer their connection from the fake scammer to the real person.
There are many truths about dating and romance scams. One of them is that there are millions of victims. No matter what you felt or thought about the person you were connected to, you were being used – you were being scammed. This is hard to hear, but the sooner you accept that simple fact, the better you will be able to move on.
Dating and Romance scams ARE a big business. They bring in hundreds of millions or billions of dollars every year to little countries in Africa, such as Ghana, Nigeria, Liberia, Togo, Ivory Coast, Sierra Leon, Guinea, and others. Their local police laugh at the stupid Westerners that get scammed and voluntarily send their money. It is only when their national reputation is on the line that they care. If they cared, they would control this, but they don’t. There are a few countries, such as the Philippines and Malaysia that do care and work aggressively to stop it, but they are few. It is just the way it is.
We are also constantly asked to track down this scammer or that so that the victim can know their real identity. Victims want to confront their scammer, seeking recognition and closure. In a few cases we have been able to do this.
Our mission is to educate, inform, and provide what support we can. We do not get money from any government, we are supported by corporate grants, this is what powers our organization. We are not private detectives, yet victims get angry when we tell them this, as though we are responsible for righting their wrong. We wish we could.

Being a victim of a romance scam is the equivalent of being psychologically raped.

You have shared your most inner self, your desires, feelings, and soul with another person that you had trusted. Only to find out that it was all a lie, and worse, you were being used to line the pocket of a fraudster half a world away. You were shown the kind loving face of a stranger and believed that you knew that person. That that person cared for you, and just needed a little of your help so that they could be with you.
Everything you were told was a lie. This is also hard to hear but true. Nothing you were told was the truth, so letting go of the story you were sold is important.

It was a lie, and they cut you to your soul.

When you discover this, you are angry and depressed. You know it to be true, but you can’t or won’t believe it. You want to reach the real person and find out if it was so. The fact is you were just a pawn, you were being used as a means to an end. They just wanted your money.

How you hate them for that.

You want justice, as any sane person would want, but the fact is that most of the time there is no justice, just loss. They are in another country, on another continent. They only care about you as long as you send your Western Union payments. You think someone must be responsible, Western Union, the government, the police, someone should be able to do something.
Someone is doing something – we are – you are reading the world’s leading scam avoidance education website right now, which is a division of the Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams [SCARS]. However, there are limits on what we and others can do.
In the end, you are the only person responsible. You believed the lie, and you sent the money, even though you were expertly manipulated and it is clearly not your fault.
That is a terrible thing to say, but it is the truth you must accept so that you can move on.

You are smarter now, less trusting. Except you are likely to be scammed again. You are your own worst enemy.

Our statistics show that the average victim will be scammed between two and three times before they truly get it. Why? Because as Fox Mulder says “I want to believe”. You want to believe there is a person for you out there, and in fact, there is, but you have to be smart about it.

You have to learn the ways of the scammers, in order to avoid being scammed.

This is about your survival online.
This is about being an informed consumer in a world at war with online scams.

YOU have to do it for yourself.

You have to learn, and accept what has happened to you.

If you want to make a difference, then help, then do something. There are many things you can do – spread the word, support real efforts to track down scammers – become a SCARS Member (it’s free).
But don’t just complain.
A like on a Facebook post is being lazy. No one cares if you like a post unless you are DOING something real.

What are YOU doing that is REAL?

Here are the things you can do that WILL make a difference!
  1. When you encounter a scammer document everything – don’t be lazy You need to get emails, profile web addresses, phone numbers, names, everything you can
  2. Report EVERY SCAMMER you find here: www.Anyscam.com or on this website. This publishes the information worldwide to governments, law enforcement, websites, and social media.
  3. If you feel you need help contact us We are the crime victims’ assistance and support division of SCARS. Talking about your scam is important and helps you come to grips with your experience
  4. Comment when you have something to say to others. Just clicking LIKE is lazy – you have knowledge and experience – share it with words. However, this is a serious subject, so please treat it that way.
  5. Report the scam to your national police (FBI, PNP, RCMP, MET, etc.) Most Western Nations make this easy through online report forms – don’t expect anything to happen, but it helps inform your government on who and how big the problem is
  6. Report the scam to Your Local Police There are many reasons for this, including being able to take advantage of local crime victims’ assistance resources.

You can stay at home and complain all you want, nothing will change unless WE MAKE IT CHANGE.

So try to move through it
Regardless, Do something NOW!

Published On: April 3rd, 2018Last Updated: June 10th, 2020Categories: ♥ GALLERIES & CONTENT COLLECTIONSTags: , , , , , ,

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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.