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SCARS Institute’s Encyclopedia of Scams™ Published Continuously for 25 Years

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What Drives People To Be RomanceScammed?

The Psychology of Scams

A SCARS Insight

Why Do People Accept Scams?

What We Are Really Asking Is Why People Believe In Fantasies?

What is it about us humans that we are so willing to believe a fairytale? Yet, so often that is exactly what we do!

This is not intended to shame victims – far from it, this is intended to help victims examine their own thought processes and behaviors.

Psychological Reasons Why People Fall For Scams

Nobody is immune to fraud and sometimes people simply fall for scams due to the psychological techniques employed by fraudsters. However, the lures generally will not work on people who have learned avoidance behavior or who are not prone to fantastical thinking.

One Of The Most Important Manipulation/Grooming Approaches Is: “You Scratch My Back…” or Reciprocity.

This is a profoundly complex topic and one that we cannot fully explore in an article here. However, there is an aspect of this that is important to help scam victims better understand how they were lured and groomed by their scammers.

You Scratch My Back…

BEWARE THE PRINCIPLE OF RECIPROCITY

If someone does something for us, we feel more obliged to do something for them.

Scammers use this type of “enforced indebtedness” to elicit an unwise action from their target. In other words, to manipulate the scam victim.

For example, someone offering you an exclusive opportunity to invest your money can be seen to be doing you a favor. That in turn makes people want to return the favor – which could be as simple as continuing to listen to their sales pitch or as destructive as signing up for a bogus scheme.

This also holds true in romance scams where the scammer offers attention and romance, ultimately in exchange for money.

In social psychology, reciprocity is a social norm of responding to a positive action with another positive action, rewarding kind actions with more kind actions. Reciprocity means that in response to friendly actions, people are frequently much nicer and much more cooperative than otherwise would be the case. Reciprocity makes it possible to build continuing relationships and exchanges.

Reciprocal actions differ from altruistic actions in that reciprocal actions only follow from others’ initial actions (such as the scammer’s positive attention given to the victim), while altruism is the unconditional act of social gift-giving without any hope or expectation of future positive responses. Some distinguish between ideal altruism (giving with no expectation of future reward) and reciprocal altruism (giving with the limited expectation or the potential for an expectation of future reward).

Thus this is taught to us at an early age as the “Golden Rule”  This is the principle of treating others as one wants to be treated. It is a maxim that is found in most religions and cultures. It can be considered an ethic of reciprocity in some religions, although different religions treat it differently.

The maxim may appear as a positive or negative injunction governing conduct:

  • Treat others as you would like others to treat you (positive or directive form)
  • Do not treat others in ways that you would not like to be treated (negative or prohibitive form)
  • What you wish upon others, you wish upon yourself (empathetic or responsive form)

When it comes to scams, especially romance scams, this is one of the defining principles in the scammer’s grooming & manipulation techniques.

The Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO)

Research shows that if a person believes other people are doing something, then they feel it must be okay for them to do it too. Once the leap has been made, then there will exist a degree of fear of mission out. This is especially true when individuals find themselves in a pressured and ambiguous situation – such as a sales pitch. If a person on the other end of the phone tells us that 75% of people like us have signed up to this financial scheme, then we are much more likely to do so – even though we might secretly doubt the veracity of such claims. And when the person says this is a limited time offered – then that fear kicks in.

People are generally worried about missing out on an opportunity, perhaps for “the next big thing”. And if such an “offer” is for a limited time only, then the principle of scarcity suggests that people are more likely to be drawn to it.

When our freedom to be able to do something is threatened, we tend to react quickly to ensure that we don’t miss out. When pitching financial offers, scammers will claim that this offer is only valid now and as soon as they put the phone down, the offer will be gone. Many people will feel that they simply can’t miss out on such an opportunity.

Little Steps

People like to think of themselves as being consistent and committed individuals. If we say we are going to do something, then generally we will, as failure to do so may dent our sometimes fragile self-esteem. This also applies to our perceptions of our strength and invulnerability. But scammers know that these can all be broken down by just taking things (deceiving) through small steps.

Step by step that fraud progresses, and in most cases the victim is not even aware of the manipulation and how far from their own normal behavior they are.

Fraudsters take advantage of this by getting us to commit to little steps that then escalate in nature. For example, by simply getting people to answer their “trivial” questions (how are you today?), the fraudster is getting their prey to fool themselves into believing that they are happy to talk to this unknown person. And, of course, trivial questions lead to more personal ones, like who do you bank with? Having answered one question, it would be inconsistent not to answer another one. And, after all, we like to perceive of ourselves as helpful and polite individuals.

They Seemed So Nice

The principle of similarity suggests that we tend to like people who seem to be the same as us, and, in turn, we are much more likely to agree to a request from someone we like. Similarity can be as broad as an interest in financial investments or as fleeting as sharing some personal characteristics.

Scammers take advantage of this and try to find out things about us in order to appear to be like us. For example, asking your date of birth, and then mentioning that it is their date of birth also, can have the unconscious effect of making you like them more (star signs do the same thing) – and hence more likely to agree to their requests. Scammers can find numerous ways to create this similarity – from places they live or have visited, to mutual interests, to pets.

While it is unlikely that any one of these psychological ploys on their own would be sufficient to persuade someone to do something that is against their best interests, in combination they can be powerful tools for a con artist. But by being aware of, and understanding, these simple psychological principles, people are far more likely to be able to resist them and avoid being scammed.

Summary

As you can see, each of these plays a role in reducing a victim’s defenses against scams and makes it more likely that they can be effectively manipulated.

However, by being away from these approaches, victims can adopt behaviors to counter them.

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TAGS: SCARS, Information About Scams, Scams, Scammers, Fraudsters, Cybercrime, Crybercriminals, Romance Scams, Scam Victims, Online Fraud, Online Crime Is Real Crime, Scam Avoidance, Understanding Romance Scams, Manipulation Techniques, Reciprocity, Fear of Missing Out, Small Steps, Self-Defense, Defensive Behavior

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  1. What Drives People To Be Romance Scammed? 1
    Lynn Mulcahy April 9, 2025 at 3:54 pm - Reply

    In hindsight, during the grooming process, the tactics of getting to know me and adapting some of my expressions, liking the same things I do, showing empathy, fed me and I was ready for the manipulation phase. This article perfectly explains how this could happen to anyone.

  2. What Drives People To Be Romance Scammed? 2
    Wendy Guiher January 16, 2025 at 12:40 pm - Reply

    This was interesting. However, in my relationship scam, I thought I was interacting with a celebrity that I admire. That said, I can see how the “celebrity” being interested in whether I ate today, or how was I feeling could induce me to answer in like/kind manner. It was these little things, I now see, that drew me in further; to accept kind words, that later turned into words of love and admiration. Later, when I would receive criticism from the “celebrity” it was hard for me to believe that it was the same person. Likewise, when harshness was expressed from the “celebrity”, I only wanted them to be nice again and I then would do “just about anything” to get the “nice one” back again. Hmmm….

  3. What Drives People To Be Romance Scammed? 3
    Thuy Conde August 13, 2024 at 11:44 am - Reply

    The description and explanation in the article IS as if I am still living the trauma.

  4. What Drives People To Be Romance Scammed? 5
    Corey Gale July 18, 2024 at 4:11 pm - Reply

    My crypto pig butcher was expert in deploying each of these techniques.Reading this article and others from SCARS is like reliving the experience, but in the 3rd person.

Your comments help the SCARS Institute better understand all scam victim/survivor experiences and improve our services and processes. Thank you


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Important Information for New Scam Victims

If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org

If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

A Note About Labeling!

We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!

A Question of Trust

At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.

Statement About Victim Blaming

Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.

These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.

Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org

Psychology Disclaimer:

All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only

The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.

While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.

Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.

If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.

Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.

If you are in crisis, feeling desperate, or in despair please call 988 or your local crisis hotline.