What Victims Feel Is Real, But It Was The Result Of Love Bombing
In previous articles, we have talked extensively about the various manipulative techniques and tactics that relationship/romance scammers use on their victims to control them.
But often the victims do not fully understand that what they felt was valid and real, but it was done without their consent.
Overview
Romance scammers are con artists who use manipulation techniques to lure and exploit individuals looking for love online or even those not looking for it.
Most of these individuals have some vulnerabilities but are trusting and open to building connections with others. Romance scammers take advantage of this vulnerability to manipulate their victims into feeling emotions without their consent, using techniques like amygdala hijacks (love bombing.)
Amygdala Hijacks & Love Bombing
Amygdala hijacks are a form of emotional manipulation that is designed to bypass the conscious mind and triggerTRIGGERS A trigger is a stimulus that sets off a memory of a trauma or a specific portion of a traumatic experience. an emotional response. The amygdala is a part of the brain that is responsible for processing emotions, and hijacks occur when this part of the brain is activated before the individual has a chance to consciously process the situation.
Love Bombing is just a form of an amygdala hijackAmygdala Hijack Amygdala Hijack An amygdala hijack refers to a personal, emotional response that is immediate, overwhelming, and out of measure (proportion) with the actual stimulus because it has triggered a much more significant emotional threat or hormonal response. This can include: Anger, Sadness, Love, Desire, etc. that focuses on triggering love and positive emotions. But they can also be used to trigger negative emotions too.
Just remember, the feelings were valid, but it was not love! Victims do not fall in love, they are manipulated into feeling those emotions. It was just sustained controlled and manipulated emotions.
Love Bombing
Love bombing (or amygdala hijacking) is another manipulation technique used by romance scammers. It involves showering the victim with attention, affection, and gifts to create a sense of emotional dependence. Love bombing can make the victim feel special, loved, and desired, leading them to lower their guard and trust the scammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer. more easily.
Scammers may use love bombing by sending frequent messages, showering their victim with compliments, and creating a false sense of intimacy. They may also use gifts, such as flowers or jewelry, to create a sense of obligation and emotional connection.
When a victim is subjected to “love bombing”, the brain undergoes several changes. The first is an increase in dopamine levels in the reward center of the brain, which is responsible for feelings of pleasure and happiness. This dopamine surge creates a sense of euphoria and can make the victim feel good about themselves and their connection with the scammer.
The amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions, is also activated during love bombing. The amygdala is responsible for processing emotions like fear, anxiety, and pleasure, and when it’s activated, it can create a heightened emotional response. The intense emotions that the victim experiences during love bombing can make it difficult for them to think critically about the situation and can create a sense of dependency on the scammer.
The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functions like decision-making and impulse control, is also affected by love bombing. When the reward center of the brain is activated, it can override the prefrontal cortex’s ability to make rational decisions, making the victim more susceptible to the scammer’s manipulation.
In addition to these changes in brain activity, love bombing can also activate the release of oxytocin, a hormone that is often associated with social bonding and attachment. Oxytocin can create a sense of emotional connection and trust between the victim and the scammer, making it more difficult for the victim to see through the scammer’s deception.
Overall, love bombing works by creating a false sense of emotional intimacy and dependence in the victim, which is achieved by activating the reward center of the brain, the amygdala, and the release of oxytocin. These changes in brain activity can create intense emotional responses that make it difficult for the victim to think critically about the situation, leading to increased susceptibility to the scammer’s manipulation.
The Dark Side
Romance scammers also use amygdala hijacks to create intense negative emotional experiences that trigger feelings of fear, anxiety, and greater vulnerability.
For example, a scammer may use fear tactics by creating a sense of urgency or emergency, such as claiming that they need money for a medical emergency or to escape a dangerous situation. They may also question the victim’s emotional attachment to the relationship and threaten to end it.
By triggering these intense emotions, scammers force their victims to act quickly and without thinking critically about the situation.
Scammers may threaten violence against the victim or their loved ones if they do not comply with their demands, which will trigger fear and panic to keep the victim in compliance. Or the scammers may claim that the victim has committed a crime or violated a law and threaten legal action if the victim does not comply with their demands. They may also claim to be a law enforcement officer or a representative of a government agency, further adding to the sense of fear and anxiety in the victim.
The Feelings Were Real
The hard part is understanding that what the victim felt was all real. Meaning that the emotions they felt were real, but they were 100% manipukated emotions and not something that the victims consent to.
Often, the challenge for victims is to reconcile the fact that nothing about the scam was real, yet the feelings were valid. It often helps victims to look at the situation as rape – one feels what they feel, but it was not consensual – it was a violation, and there is no shameShame Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness. in that (or should not be.)
The Emotional Impact
The emotional impact of romance scamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime - is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. can be devastating for victims, especially because of what they felt and how real the experience was – even though it was all lies.
After being manipulated and exploited, victims often feel violated, ashamed, and alone – this is normal. They may feel embarrassed about falling for the scam and may struggle with feelings of self-doubt and mistrust. Of course, the scam was not their fault and was the product of professional criminals exploiting their initial vulnerabilities and then expertly manipulating their emotions to control them.
The emotional impact of romance scams can also extend beyond the initial experience. Victims may struggle with long-term effects, such as anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting others. They may also struggle with feelings of isolation and disconnection, as they may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their experience.
Victims of romance scams may also feel a sense of betrayal, as they were led to believe that they were building a genuine emotional connection with the scammer. This betrayal can cause a significant amount of emotional pain, and may even lead to a loss of faith in humanity.
It is for these reasons that it is important to have victims acknowledge that what they felt was real and valid, but it was beyond their control, and they are not to blameBlame Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action..
Summary
Remember, romance scammers use manipulative techniques like amygdala hijacks and love bombing to force their victims to feel emotions without their consent. The emotional impact of these scams can be devastating, leaving victims feeling violated, ashamed, and alone. It’s essential to educate individuals about these scams and to encourage them to seek support if they have been a victim of a romance scam.
Recovering from a romance scam alone is extraordinarily difficult – if not impossible for most victims. SCARS recommends that every victim should join a professionally managed victims’ support groupSupport Group In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers. and also see a traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS. counselor or therapist.
To join a SCARS Support & Recovery Group visit support.AgainstScams.org to sign up.
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SCARS provides the leading Support & Recovery program for relationship scamRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam? victims – completely FREE!
Our managed peer supportPeer support Peer support occurs when people provide knowledge, experience, emotional, social or practical help to each other. It commonly refers to an initiative consisting of trained supporters and can take a number of forms such as peer mentoring, reflective listening (reflecting content and/or feelings), or in a support group. Peer support is also used to refer to initiatives where colleagues, members of self-help organizations and others meet, in person or online, to give each other connection and support on a reciprocal basis. Peer support is distinct from other forms of social support in that the source of support is a peer, a person who is similar in fundamental ways to the recipient of the support; their relationship is one of equality. A peer is in a position to offer support by virtue of relevant experience: he or she has "been there, done that" and can relate to others who are now in a similar situation. Trained peer support workers such as SCARS Volunteers receive special training and may be required to obtain Continuing Education Units, similar to clinical staff. Some other trained peer support workers may also be law-enforcement personnel and firefighters as well as emergency medical responders. groups allow victims to talk to other survivorsSurvivor A Scam Survivor is a victim who has been able to fully accept the reality of their situation. That they were the victim of a crime and are not to blame. They are working on their emotional recovery and reduction of any trauma either on their own, through a qualified support organization, or through counseling or therapy. And has done their duty and reported the crime to their local police, national police, and on Anyscam.com and recover in the most experienced environment possible, for as long as they need. Recovery takes as long as it takes – we put no limits on our support!
SCARS is the most trusted support & education provider in the world. Our team is certified in trauma-informedTrauma-Informed Trauma-informed care shifts the focus from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” A trauma-informed approach to care acknowledges that health care needs to have a complete picture of a patient’s life situation — past and present — in order to provide effective care services with a healing orientation. Adopting trauma-informed practices can potentially improve patient engagement, treatment adherence, and health outcomes. care, grief counselingCounseling Counseling is the professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes. A mental health counselor (MHC), or counselor, is a person who works with individuals and groups to promote optimum mental and emotional health. Such persons may help individuals deal with issues associated with addiction and substance abuse; family, parenting, and marital problems; stress management; self-esteem; and aging. They may also work with "Social Workers", "Psychiatrists", and "Psychologists". SCARS does not provide mental health counseling., and so much more!
To apply to join our groups visit support.AgainstScams.org
We also offer separate support groupsSupport Groups In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers. for family & friends too.
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SCARS GREEN BOOK
Self-Help Self-Paced Recovery Program Guide
LEARN HOW TO RECOVER ON YOUR OWN
This program is designed to help scam victims struggling to recover on their own and for those who want to understand the overall process. You can be using other resources, such as trauma counseling or therapy, qualified support groups, or completely independent – on your own!
The SCARS Steps program is a complete program and is provided for the purpose of helping scam victims to overcome this experience. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues and challenges that a victim may have and help guide them through their recovery. But each person is different and it is important to understand your own reasons for being vulnerable to being scammed.
After the trauma of being scammed, you need to take steps to recover and move on. This may be an alternative to counseling in the short term, but we still encourage you to seek out professional help & support. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues, challenges, defects, or problems that a victim may have in a generalized way.
The SCARS GREEN BOOK will help you recover from your scam offline and it will always be there when you need it!
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A Guide For Families & Friends Of Scam Victims
HOW TO HELP ROMANCE SCAM VICTIMS FOR FAMILIES & FRIENDS OF SCAM VICTIMS
This SCARS Publishing book represents a complete guide to help the families and friends understand how these scams work and how to help the victim.
The SCARS Slate Book should be purchased by family and friends to better understand what happened to the victim and the traumatic impact on them. But it can also be shared by the victim so that they do not have to explain to family and friends about the scam. This publication is to help others to help Scam Victims to make it through this traumatic experience and recover.
Each person is different and it is important to understand how relationship scamsRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam? work and why people are vulnerable; to being scammed, how they were lured in, then groomed and manipulated. This understanding is essential in helping them through the process of ending the scam and then on to recovery. The SCARS Slate Book will provide the information necessary to help support a victim through this process.
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Before or after reporting to the police the RED BOOK gives you a dedicated tool to record all the essential facts of this crime. The Victim, the Scammers, the Money, and your Police interactions. Everything that really matters can be easily recorded for your immediate use and for the future!
As we have seen, money recovery/repayment programs can become available years after the scam ends and you need to keep all the details of this crime in case it is needed. We have also seen scammers being extradited to the U.S. and other countries, this will help in the event you testify or give statements, Additionally, this helps you have your information ready to qualify for victims’ benefits, compensation, or aid.
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