Hijacking the Romance Scam Victim’s Mind

If You Are A Romance Scam Victim Then You Are A Victim Of The Amygdala Hijack!

One of the cornerstones of a Romance Scam (and its variations) is that before you are aware of it, your brain is hijacked via what is called an Amygdala Hijack.

This happens when the scammer starts to trigger emotional responses based on things they are telling you, such as when they tell you ‘they love you’ – it happens because of past emotional memories from times when you parents said they loved upon and other memories, and in part, it happens because you have projected your own wants and desires onto your online relationship almost from the beginning, and when the trigger event (the “I love you”) happens your brain is charged and ready to turn off your thinking and run away emotionally.

NOTE:

Do not confuse Amygdala Hijacks with something called ‘Love Bombing‘. The scammers use techniques called ‘Love Bombing‘. but that is not always a precise term because Love Bombing can be used to mean an Amygdala Hijack or for the process of induced affection that victims think of as love. We will explain more about the difference below.

The “Amygdala Hijack”

As it turns out this is hard-wired into humans – mostly in the Fight or Flight reactions, but there are many others.

Victims need to learn about this, so they can learn to be more in control in the future, by avoiding situations where it can be so costly. However, this is also very important in that it allows scam victims to understand (in part) why these crimes were not their fault!

About The Amygdala Hijack

Amygdala hijack is a term coined by Daniel Goleman in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence: ‘Why It Can Matter More Than IQ’. Drawing on the work of others, he uses the term to describe emotional responses from people that are immediate and overwhelming, and out of measure with the actual stimulus because it has triggered a much more significant emotional threat or response (such as when the scammer tells you they love you)!

Technically How It Works

Part of the thalamus (a part of your brain – or as we like to say ‘one of the squishy bits’) receives stimuli that goes directly to the amygdala, while other parts are sent to the neocortex or “thinking brain”. Because of the brain’s wiring, the stimulus going to the amygdala arrives significantly faster and thus the amygdala can act much faster than the thinking part of the brain.

If the amygdala perceives a match to the stimulus, i.e., if the record of experiences in the hippocampus tells the amygdala that it is a fight, flight, or freeze situation, then the amygdala triggers the HPA (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal) axis and hijacks the rational brain. This emotional brain activity processes information milliseconds earlier than the rational brain, so in case of a match, the amygdala acts before any possible direction from the neocortex (thinking part) can be received. If, however, the amygdala does not find any match to the stimulus received with its recorded threatening situations, then it acts according to the directions received from the neocortex. When the amygdala perceives a threat, it can lead that person to react irrationally and destructively.

Goleman states that emotions “make us pay attention right now—this is urgent—and gives us an immediate action plan without having to think twice. The emotional component evolved very early: Do I eat it, or does it eat me?” The emotional response “can take over the rest of the brain in a millisecond if threatened.” An amygdala hijack exhibits three signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and post-episode realization if the reaction was inappropriate.

“Self-control is crucial…when facing someone who is in the throes of an amygdala hijack” so as to avoid a complementary hijacking—whether in work situations or in private life. Thus for example: one key marital competence is for partners to learn to soothe their own distressed feelings…nothing gets resolved positively when the husband or wife is in the midst of an emotional hijacking. The danger is that “when our partner becomes, in effect, our enemy, we are in the grip of an ‘amygdala hijack’ in which our emotional memory, lodged in the limbic center of our brain, rules our reactions without the benefit of logic or reason…which causes our bodies to go into a ‘fight or flight’ response.”

But these hijacks can happen in cases of positive emotional responses too!

Positive Amygdala Hijacks

The amygdala can be involved in positive emotional responses as well. The amygdala, being the complex structure in the brain that it is, plays a fundamental role in processing emotions, both positive and negative ones. It is involved in the formation and storage of emotional memories, and its activation can contribute to the intensity of emotional experiences.

In the case of positive emotions, such as joy, love, or happiness, the amygdala may become activated to enhance the encoding and retention of those positive emotional memories. Positive experiences can lead to the release of neurotransmitters and hormones that contribute to feelings of reward and pleasure. Note that these are short-lived emotional responses, they are not love or lasting affection and bonding. However, the positive reactions can create a setup for the development of lasting emotional bonds.

In the case of scams or manipulative tactics, scammers may exploit the amygdala’s role in processing positive emotions to create a sense of trust, affection, or attachment in their victims. They might use various techniques, including love bombing to trigger positive emotional responses and strengthen the emotional connection between the scammer and the victim.

It’s important to note that the amygdala’s involvement in emotional processing is complex, and its activation is not inherently negative. The amygdala’s role is adaptive, helping individuals form emotional memories that guide behavior and decision-making. However, in the context of scams, manipulation involves exploiting these natural processes to deceive and manipulate victims emotionally, whether through positive or negative emotional experiences.

In The Case Of Romance Scams

1. Sensation received by our eyes and other senses is routed to the Thalamus.
2. The Thalamus acts as a “Controller” to keep the signals moving. In a typical situation, the thalamus directs the impulse to the cortex for processing. But if the stimulus triggers an emotional response by the amygdala.
3. The cortex “thinks” about the impulse and makes sense of it, if the amygdala has not acted first. “Aha!” it says, “this is a …” and responds accordingly. BUT in the case of a Romance Scam, that signal is sent to the Amygdala where a flood of peptides and hormones are released to create emotion and action. You have basically lost control!
4. This is “The Amygdala Hijack” where the amygdala has a different reaction. It bypasses the cortex (the “Thinking Brain”) and is immediately acted on by the amygdala where it reacts based on previously stored patterns. Meaning that you do what it wants rather than the other way around!

The result is that once you have been hijacked by the scammer setting you up, your brain ignores your “thinking” side and reacts appropriately. However, the scammer has to constantly reinforce this. They will also employ “Gaslighting” to get you to ignore your logical thinking as well, as well as another technique called ‘Love Bombing‘.

Learn more about Love Bombing here: Love Bombing & Amygdala Hijacked Scam Victims 2024 (scamsnow.com)

To Learn More

Here is an excellent description of the Amygdala Hijack and its effects:

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