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A SCARS|RSN™ Guest Editorial By Debby B. Montgomery

The following is a Guest Editorial by Debby B. Montgomery – a leading Anti-Scam Victims Advocate, Best-Selling Author, Nationally Recognized Speaker & Lecturer, and Scam Survivor. Debby plays a leading role in directly helping scam victims to recover, and is both an Advisor and a soon-to-be Board Member of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

Have You Lost Your Power!

Have you experienced burnout, fatigue, or just the “I don’t want to do that” syndrome?

We are so darn busy that we probably don’t allow ourselves to feel those negative feelings and if, by chance, we do feel them, then we feel terrible about it and we feel overwhelmed, isolated, or just plain AWFUL!  We feel like we’re not doing our best, that we’re lazy or that we’re going to let someone down.  We certainly can’t do that, can we?

What if someone told you to take the negative energy that’s surrounding you and “Return to Sender with Conscious Intent!  (Thanks Dawn C. Meyer!) I LOVE that!  Just give back what doesn’t really belong to YOU – return all that energy to the universe and let the universe recycle it.

Think about when you’re bogged down with things that other people are placing on you and you’re feeling the burden and the overwhelm of not getting things done – if you are feeling “heavy” and can’t even remember if you had breakfast – this morning – then perhaps it’s time to unload.  It’s time to STOP, RESET, SAY NO, RESCHEDULE, and then do something that will make you feel happy!  For one friend of mine, it’s eating ice cream.  For my husband, it’s playing golf on a Thursday afternoon.  For me, keep on reading and you’ll find out soon!

Yesterday I had several meetings and they were pushed back throughout the day and my schedule changed.  I started feeling overwhelmed because I had a telephone meeting scheduled for 4:30 pm and I hadn’t gotten everything done for that meeting.  In the meantime I had to take friends to the airport by 4:00 pm, then pick up my son and drive him to his house, and then get to the grocery store to pick up something for dinner.  I could have accomplished all that was required, but I FELT heavy – mentally stressed and I didn’t want to disappoint my business partner, so I sent a text and asked her to reschedule.  I sat on pins and needles until I got her response!

I was so relieved when she said “Sure…that works for me too” and it opened me up to going to the pool with my 83-year-old Mom and thinking to myself “I want to be like her when I grow up!”

I’ve been “tagged” by a friend as possessing the Talents, Gifts, and Abilities of being kind, compassionate, caring and willing to do almost anything for others but, she goes on, I don’t allow myself to FEEL.  How is it possible to not FEEL when you are doing so much for others around the world?

Well, opening your heart up to really feel emotions so that you can RECEIVE what is in store for you is totally different than opening your heart up to GIVE to others.  But is it?  In the “energy realm” giving and receiving are supposed to be the same but if you close yourself off to receiving then you’re stopping the flow of energy and you’re thwarting the flow of complete joy and happiness and for me that manifests in OVERWHELM and a desire to pull back, isolate, and eat bonbons while watching a Hallmark movie!  I can usually sit there for about 30 minutes and bask in the “laziness” of it all and then my brain kicks in and tells my body to GET UP…get moving…be productive.  ARGH!  Leave me alone, at least until the kiss at the end – there’s always a kiss at the end of a Hallmark movie and for me sometimes that is happiness!!

So, back to FEELING and opening up to true emotions – can YOU do it?  Try this exercise along with me.

Question:  How do you feel when you’re counting on someone to do something and they don’t do it?

Answer:  I feel frustrated.

Question:  What does feeling frustrated FEEL like?

Answer:  How do I feel when I feel frustrated?  Hmmmmm.  I guess for a moment I might have felt angry, maybe?  But only because, oh, I don’t know… I don’t stay angry.  I had a lot to do and they messed up my schedule.

Question:  No, no, stay with your FEELINGS, don’t move on!  What does angry feel like?  You felt disrespected, didn’t you!

Well, do you get my point?  I’m the master of running away from my feeling and the frustration, disrespect, and disappointment that comes along with not fully feeling my way through a problem leads me to giving up and I’m not a “giver upper!  Giving up means FAILURE and I certainly DON”T want to FEEL that!  Do you?

Why not?  Is there something wrong with failing?  I guess for me, failure is not an option.  Failure lets my parents down.  (Really?  I’m 60 years old and that’s still running around in my head?)  Have I missed my potential when I fail? Does failure mean others think “less of me” and heaven forbid that happens?  Giving up to failure is giving my power away.  Where is MY POWER?  Why is it important to have it?

For me, my power is to be in control – of me, and yes, my company, and perhaps, my family, although I’ve been told I have NO control over anything but myself!  It’s important to have my power in doing for myself.  It’s important to let go of some people in my life sometimes because then I have room to let others come into my sphere of influence and maybe they need to be there for a season or for a reason!

Is there a reason we have situations in our life where we lose our power?  Is there a reason we don’t accept and approve of ourselves?  Oh my, is there a reason we don’t want to show the cracks in our life?  YES!  The universe is saying we aren’t PERFECT…what a light bulb moment!  FEEL that…we AREN”T PERFECT and that’s okay.  I’m not perfect but I want to be the best version of myself and that’s okay but with that, I’ve got to acknowledge that failure is okay because it’s just a stepping stone to greatness!  Just remember to move forwar