Why Do Victims Hate Criminals So Much?

Do victims ever think about what they feel, or if it is good or bad for them?

Moral Resentment

Victims have a self-interest in forgiving the offender since forgiveness means giving up moral resentment of the person who has done the wrong.

Moral resentment harbored by the victim fosters internal tension, anger, trauma, and diversion from positive and uplifting thoughts and feelings.

Forgiveness is also important because it confirms to victims that they too can receive forgiveness from those they have wronged. As we all know, even if not admitted, almost all scam victims did wrong to others – either lying to family and friends, maybe acting as a money mule, lying to send money, and especially lying to themselves after the scam ended.

If the victim’s forgiveness is to have meaning for the offender, however, the offender faces three tasks:

• a repudiation of the wrong and an acceptance of the moral judgment that it justified
• the performance of acts that take responsibility for the unfair costs that arose from the wrong that others were forced to bear
• and a willingness to take strategic action that will restore others’ confidence that the wrong will not be repeated

Of course, we all know that almost no scammer or fraudster ever does these. Even if caught and prosecuted, any apologies or restitution are court-ordered. So the criminal almost never does anything to deserve forgiveness.

Although the victim is the key source of forgiveness, those who did not directly suffer from the victimization can also experience outrage and inner disruption because the crime occurred. This means that family and friends of the victim may also harbor hate for the criminals – especially if the victim is open in their expression of it. It becomes a lesson taught to others, and especially to children – that people who did wrong should be hated – this is how it propagates.

Forgiveness Myth

Thus, it follows that a wrongdoer seeks not only the forgiveness of the one wronged but of others who also feel the ramifications of the crime in their midst.

Of course, we know this never (almost never) happens. The criminals are what they are and the victims are what they are.

In our opinion, forgiveness HAS NOTHING to do with the criminal. It especially should not be conditioned on something the criminal does, since expecting their contrition if just another fairy tale. Criminals ONLY change because THEY want to.

Perpetuating Blame

What do you do when faced with wrongdoing—do you blame or do you forgive?

When confronted with crime, especially offenses that lie on the more severe end of the spectrum and cause victims terrible psychological or physical trauma or death, nothing can feel more natural than blame.

We may feel a range of hostile, negative emotions, such as hate, anger, resentment, indignation, disgust, contempt, and scorn towards the perpetrator. We may judge them harshly, condemning their character. We may want them punished and to suffer as their victims did for what they have done. Moreover, we may feel entitled to these sorts of emotions and attitudes, as reactions that are deserved by the offender. Indeed, in the UK and the USA, increasingly vehement and righteous public expressions of blame and calls for vengeance have become commonplace in wider society. This is especially true in the so-call anti-scam communities that exist on social media where hatred for these criminals is the norm.

On the other hand, people can and routinely do forgive others, even in cases of severe crime. But refusing to forgive and holding onto blame results in self-blame at the same time!

Evolutionary psychologists argue that both vengeance and forgiveness are universal human adaptations that have evolved as alternative responses to exploitation, and, crucially, strategies for reducing the risk of future re-offending. We are naturally endowed with both capacities: to blame and retaliate, or to forgive and seek to repair relations. We have a choice. Which should we choose?

Unforgiveness Is Like Continuous Torture

When it comes to victims of scams, unforgiveness makes us feel angry, cold, hard, bitter, and resentful.

The impact of unforgiveness can be physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Yes, you may feel justified in your anger, yet you must choose what you desire – your anger or freedom from anger. Do you choose to recover from the trauma of the experience or remain trapped and potentially increase the damage that your trauma is doing?

When we don’t forgive, we are deciding to hold onto the crime and keep it in our hearts and minds. We focus on our pain and choose to relive the moment that offended us whether the offender is caught or not.

By withholding forgiveness, we think we’re hurting the other person when in reality, we’re hurting ourselves.

When people withhold forgiveness or harbor resentment (or hate) towards someone else, it often ends up making things worse for the person who has been wounded. One proverb compares resentment to swallowing poison and expecting the other person to die. When we hold onto the overwhelming emotions of anger, distress, and despair, we repeatedly injure (traumatize) ourselves and further the damage that has been inflicted on our souls.

When You’ve Been Wounded

When you’ve been wounded by a fraudster, forgiving them and yourself is not an easy thing to do.

Even when we understand the importance of forgiving others and ourselves, forgiveness is not an easy thing to do.

We must surrender our unforgiveness and our pain. Prayer, counseling or therapy, support, and self-care techniques can help give us a unique perspective as we align our thoughts and emotions with the possibility of forgiveness. If we truly understand how important forgiving others is for our own mental health and happiness then it becomes that much more of a priority to us.

The following will help you gain a greater understanding of what it means to be moving along the path towards forgiving others.

Sadly over a third of all financial fraud victims seem to be unable to let their anger go! We hope that because you are reading this, you will be one that can do it!

Remember, we are here to help. This website has vast amounts of wisdom written by Dr. McGuinness and the rest of our team to help you better understand why this is important. SCARS also offers our free support and recovery program. Plus SCARS publishes many self-help books to guild you through the process of recovery. Take advantage of what we offer, they are here to help you!

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