For 26 years we have been attempting to help others be aware of and overcome scams.
We were founded by the cofounder of several major online businesses, such as TigerDirect, and through those lenses he saw the initiation and evolution of online scams.
Over the years, we became increasingly aware of how similar, and actually identical, being a scam victim was to being a drug addict. The scam (that is the romance part of it) fuels many basic needs and in fact floods the brain with a real drugs, endorphins, dopamine, seratonin, and more (research is readily available so I will not cover it here).
So as the scam progresses the victim becomes increasingly dependent on it.
Then comes the break. The moment when the scam is seen for what it is.
Except, that all loss (including this one) follows the stages of grief that other forms of loss follow (see the graphic below).
The victim was in fact in love with the scammer, and the realization is worse than a loved one dying, it is a total betrayal and it is the disappearance of the face the person grew to know.
Nothing can make up for it, it is just what it is. They were violated and used in the worst way. The brain uses anger as a way to recover from that trauma. This is just how we humans are wired.
For most, the anger can lead to a next stage in the recovery – sometimes depression, sometimes an attempt to find another solution, and for the healthy ones to eventual acceptance. Unfortunately, many become trapped in their anger, in their rage. Any attempt to help them move beyond that stage is met with hostility. We call these “Ragers”.
“Ragers” (or “Haters”) are, at their core, trapped in their anger, and use this as justification for their view about everyone and everything related to scamming.
These “Ragers” have lost the ability to both trust and recognize truth. They see red and apply the simple rule that they are right and if anyone disagrees with them they are fake or scammers or liars. This is what being trapped in the grief cycle does to you. If you see that in yourself, there is help, but only if you allow it.
Sadly, so many in the anti-scam groups on the web and on Facebook are lead by people trapped in these cycles, or they are disruptive to other victims attempting to recover from the scam. The number of examples is too numerous to even list. We estimate that about 10% of victims fall into this trap, and stay there for many years – some never leave it.
Regardless of who you follow or listen to, be watchful for the signs of “Ragers” in these groups and organizations. As a recoverer from a scam, “Ragers” are as toxic to you as another addict is to a recovering substance abuser.
Playing with the hearts and minds of victims is the most disastrous thing these amateur anti-scammers can do, People reach points of such despair that they take their own lives (Boyati Miskun for example – learn more here on the SCARS website or on Facebook)
For most of these Ragers, it is not intentionally about egos or vengeance or rage, it is about a sincere desire to help victims move beyond the scam and recover their lives. Nothing more. Ragers are so locked in their anger, all they can see is their own need for revenge, and anyone that won’t go with them is an enemy.
We hope that you all read this and will help others in need find support and avoid these groups dominated by Ragers and self-aggrandizers.
As an organization, we believe in openness and transparency, and even if you don’t like us for whatever reason, we hope you will use our knowledge and research to help others. As the Scam Avoidance Education and Victims Support Unit of the Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams we follow a strict Code of Conduct and other ethical and legal standards. For the first time in the last few years, there are lights at the end of the tunnel.
For now, if you need help and honestly want it, let us know, we offer real support groups filled with honest caring people who have been victims, but are now recovering together. If on the other hand you are looking for confirmation of your own rage, we can’t help you, because you are just not ready for it.
A Unit of SCARS
SCARS and Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams are trademarks of the Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams