Victim’s Paradox – The Desire For Certainty And How It Derails Recovery

How ScamScam A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime -  is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. Victims Often Sabotage Their Own Recovery In The Search For Certain Outcomes

A SCARSSCARS SCARS - Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. A government registered crime victims' assistance & crime prevention nonprofit organization based in Miami, Florida, U.S.A. SCARS supports the victims of scams worldwide and through its partners in more than 60 countries around the world. Incorporated in 2015, its team has 30 years of continuous experience educating and supporting scam victims. Visit www.AgainstScams.org to learn more about SCARS. Victim Recovery Insight

What is the “Victim’s Paradox”???

Do you want to be Certain?

Victims of a crime demand certainty in all aspects of their interaction with law enforcement and the criminalCriminal A criminal is any person who through a decision or act engages in a crime. This can be complicated, as many people break laws unknowingly, however, in our context, it is a person who makes a decision to engage in unlawful acts or to place themselves with others who do this. A criminal always has the ability to decide not to break the law, or if they initially engage in crime to stop doing it, but instead continues. justice system, and in their own recovery from these traumatic events.

Please note, this is not blamingBlaming Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action. victims, far from it. It is pointing out the disparity between what victims want and what is possible, and that what they want initially may not be the best thing for them!

After Becoming A Victim …

Victims want or even demand certainty of:

• Compassion and empathy from police officers, as though they were the first and only victim the officer has met, instead of the ten-thousandth
• Immediate attention to their issues, regardless of how many other priority requirements the police have
• That the criminal will be arrested immediately, no matter where in the world the criminal is
• That there will be a speedy trial and the criminal will be found guilty
• That the criminal will spend the rest of their life in jail
• That this will bring closure to the victim

Yet, we all know this is not rational and as a result, it does not provide any certainty.

Victims also want to feel certain that they are safe:

• That the criminals cannot harm them ever again
• That they are safe wherever they go
• That they will overcome any traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS. rapidly
• That the crime will not have any lasting effects
• That they will know how to avoid crime in the future
• That their decisions will never place them at risk

But we also know that these are not rational either.

Victims also want to be certain that:

• Criminals cannot ever hurt anyone else again
• The criminal will pay the victim back for any financial hardship
• That the criminal will apologize for the harm they did
• That everyone will learn about these crimes and never fall for them again

Here too, these are not going to happen – at least not often.

Here is the paradox, that victims want what they want, but in so wanting actually prevent, in many cases the healing and effective justice that they want.

Why?

• Because the only way to obtain certainty in criminal justice is not to report the crime. Which at least in part, is why only about 1% of victims report these crimes. If they cannot be certain of an arrest then why bother?
• The only way to be certain about educating the public is to not educate the public.

It is also why victims allow themselves to fall for denialDenial Denial is a refusal or unwillingness to accept something or to accept reality. Refusal to admit the truth or reality of something, refusal to acknowledge something unpleasant; And as a term of Psychology: denial is a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality. or angerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. and avoid recovery – because these have more certain outcomes. If you never try, then you know what the outcome will be.

The paradox is that those victims which accept the rational view of the crime, justice, and recovery have no certainties. Everyone just does the best they can!

The path ahead of each rational victim is largely a blank map. Each rational victim fills in the map as they travel along their path.

Victims can’t even be certain that they will have support, companions, or guides since so many of them chose the wrong kind of help. Plus many victims in denialDenial Denial is a refusal or unwillingness to accept something or to accept reality. Refusal to admit the truth or reality of something, refusal to acknowledge something unpleasant; And as a term of Psychology: denial is a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality. or anger drive off or sabotage the support they had.

Being a rational victim is, in many ways, much harder than being irrational and insisting on certainty.

This is never more true than for scam victims.

You should give yourself a major pat on your back. By being rational, you have chosen the hard route, but the route that leads most often to the best outcome. You have chosen the hero’s path with all the uncertainty that comes with it.

Just remember that certainty is not rational, and rational is uncertain. But at least you get to figure it out as you go! That makes you a pioneer and a trailblazer!

Good On You!

Our job at SCARS is to put up the signposts along the way for you!