SCARS™ Guide: How To Interrogate Someone You Suspect Of Being A Scammer

Once You Begin To Suspect You Are Being Scammed Do Not Confront The Scammer That You Suspect

Confronting the scammer is pointless – in fact, it can harm you.

Instead, take some time and confirm it properly through the same interrogation techniques used by the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation


First, do not confront the scammer. Let them continue to believe that you are not suspicious. This will keep their guard down.

Why Is This Important?

How you end a socially engineered relationship scam matters for your own emotional state once you finally end the fake relationship. Having a clear confirmation in your own mind is a bit like catching a cheating spouse – no doubt, no arguments, no excuses – you just know and can leave with your head held high.

Do Not Confront

If you try to confront the scammer there will be one of four outcomes, and all them will leave you more traumatized:

  1. The scammer denies the suspicion, act wounded and hurt, and accuses you of bad faith – unfounded jealousy or other instability on your part.
    This is a manipulative technique designed to make you doubt your suspicion – the is a form of Gaslighting. The scammer will claim you are at fault and exclaim their own injury to cause as much guilt as possible. This will be significantly more traumatizing that you need.
  2. The scammer will simply disconnect and block you – giving you total silence.
    This is not so much a form of manipulation as it is futility. Scammers do not waste time on victims (“clients”) that will not provide any more money. So in these case they just end it instantly, leaving you in confusion and doubt about what just happened. This will leave you with doubt and guilt – asking yourself if he was or was not a scammer, and if he didn’t simply want away because of your accusation.
  3. The scammer explodes in anger at you.
    In this case, the scammer explodes in a lengthy stream of verbal abuse. Their intent is to beat you down in the ground. Some victims after having been verbally abused in this way will send more money to the scammer just like an abused spouse will continue to in a relationship out of fear of losing it.
  4. The scammer threatens the victim.
    In these cases, the scammer converts into the psychopath they are and threaten the victim, their family, and friends. Threats can be anything from physical harm to sextortion or other blackmail. The scammers know how to push the victim’s buttons and are expert in making threats that sound very real. Of course, the threats are meaningless, but never the less the trauma that a victim feels and the fear it causes is very real.

How It Interrogate Your Scammer

Almost sounds like a movie?

Here Are The Basics According To The FBI:

  1. Build Rapport
    1. Experience shows that “good cop” typically gets better results than “bad cop”
    2. Come across as empathetic in conversation, and you’ll get the person to open up more than when you are cold and accusatory
    3. Of course, you already have this due to the “relationship” but be careful not to appear aggressive in your conversations
  2. Surprise The Scammer
    1. You are going to be asking questions that will come as a surprise to the scammer – not an inquisition – just surprising
    2. A deceptive person will try to anticipate your questions so that their answers sound instinctive and natural
    3. They may even practice answering specific questions ahead of time
    4. Ask them something they don’t expect, and they’ll stumble
    5. Suggestions for this include their personal history that has not been discussed before – or other things that you think the scammer should really know
    6. Remember the answers so that you can ask them again on a different day – look for different answers
  3. Listen More Than You Speak
    1. Liars tend to speak more than truthful people in an attempt to sound legitimate and win over their audience – of course, real people do this too – some people just have a lot to say
    2. They will also use more complex sentences to hide the truth.
    3. Be wary of the following:
      1. Stress usually makes people speak faster
      2. Stressed persons often talk louder
      3. Cracking in the natural tone of voice usually occurs at the point of deception – this only works if you have a voice call
      4. Repetitive coughing and clearing the throat are signs of tension – there are similar clues in chatting too
      5. This isn’t to say that a conversation partner who does one or more of the above is lying to you, but if you witness these actions, proceed with caution
  4. Pay Attention To How They Say “No
    1. “No” is a keyword to observe if your suspect is someone who is trying to mislead you
    2. A person is often demonstrating deceptive behavior when they:
      1. say “no” and look in a different direction;
      2. say “no” and close their eyes;
      3. say “no” after hesitating;
      4. say “noooooooo,” stretched over a long period of time;
      5. say “no” in a singsong manner.
  5. When Chatting Online Look For Pauses
    1. You know how long it takes to answer a question – look for longer than normal pauses – this could indicate that they are desperately thinking of an answer or it could mean they are chatting with multiple people at the same time
  6. Look For Changes In Phrasing Or Tone Of Speech – Either Spoken Or Written
    1. As said before liars practice their lies, but in the case of scammers they have scripts
    2. If the conversation switches into a script the grammar and spelling may change
    3. If your chats a casual then look for a switch to more formal language
    4. Also look for spelling changes (not typos, but English to American or vice versa for example)
  7. Watch For Changes In Behavior
    1. A subtle change in a person’s deportment can be a strong sign of deception
    2. Look for changes in the speed of response when you are asking challenging questions and the way they reply

Just Remember That It Is Only To Be Suspicious Of Someone You Have Only Known Online

A real person should both expect to have to prove they are real and be willing to answer random questions about any topic. A real person should be asking you the same kinds of questions.

In fact, if the other person is not probing every aspect of your life then it is a clear sign that they are either just not all that into you or they are a fake!

Fakes online is a fact of life and real people have to be willing to go the extra step to prove it. A real person will not be offended or evade your odd or random questions, so do not hesitate.

If You Are Contemplating A Real Relationship With Someone, You Need To Know Them Thoroughly

NOTE: Once you know you are being scammed – cut off the scammer – leave them guessing. Never Scam Bait or play with the scammer.

Report them, then block them. The focus on your own emotional recovery.


SCARS the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated


A SCARS Division
Miami Florida U.S.A.


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TAGS:  Online Fraud, Romance Scammer, Scammer Questioning, Scammer Interrogation, FBI, Guidance, SCARS Guide, Questions, Concerns, Confront, Confruntation,



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FAQ: How Do You Properly Report Scammers?

It is essential that law enforcement knows about scams & scammers, even though there is nothing (in most cases) that they can do.

Always report scams involving money lost or where you received money to:

  1. Local Police – ask them to take an “informational” police report – say you need it for your insurance
  2. Your National Police or FBI ( »)
  3. The SCARS|CDN™ Cybercriminal Data Network – Worldwide Reporting Network HERE » or on »

This helps your government understand the problem, and allows law enforcement to add scammers on watch lists worldwide.

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SCARS™ Guide: How To Interrogate Someone You Suspect Of Being A Scammer 2


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