Love Bombing And How Romance Scam Victims Are Forced To Feel

What Victims Feel Is Real, But It Was The Result Of Love Bombing

In previous articles, we have talked extensively about the various manipulative techniques and tactics that relationship/romance scammers use on their victims to control them.

But often the victims do not fully understand that what they felt was valid and real, but it was done without their consent.

Overview

Romance scammers are con artists who use manipulation techniques to lure and exploit individuals looking for love online or even those not looking for it.

Most of these individuals have some vulnerabilities but are trusting and open to building connections with others. Romance scammers take advantage of this vulnerability to manipulate their victims into feeling emotions without their consent, using techniques like amygdala hijacks (love bombing.)

Amygdala Hijacks & Love Bombing

Amygdala hijacks are a form of emotional manipulation that is designed to bypass the conscious mind and trigger an emotional response. The amygdala is a part of the brain that is responsible for processing emotions, and hijacks occur when this part of the brain is activated before the individual has a chance to consciously process the situation.

Love Bombing is just a form of an amygdala hijack that focuses on triggering love and positive emotions. But they can also be used to trigger negative emotions too.

Just remember, the feelings were valid, but it was not love! Victims do not fall in love, they are manipulated into feeling those emotions. It was just sustained controlled and manipulated emotions.

Love Bombing

Love bombing (or amygdala hijacking) is another manipulation technique used by romance scammers. It involves showering the victim with attention, affection, and gifts to create a sense of emotional dependence. Love bombing can make the victim feel special, loved, and desired, leading them to lower their guard and trust the scammer more easily.

Scammers may use love bombing by sending frequent messages, showering their victim with compliments, and creating a false sense of intimacy. They may also use gifts, such as flowers or jewelry, to create a sense of obligation and emotional connection.

When a victim is subjected to “love bombing”, the brain undergoes several changes. The first is an increase in dopamine levels in the reward center of the brain, which is responsible for feelings of pleasure and happiness. This dopamine surge creates a sense of euphoria and can make the victim feel good about themselves and their connection with the scammer.

The amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions, is also activated during love bombing. The amygdala is responsible for processing emotions like fear, anxiety, and pleasure, and when it’s activated, it can create a heightened emotional response. The intense emotions that the victim experiences during love bombing can make it difficult for them to think critically about the situation and can create a sense of dependency on the scammer.

The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functions like decision-making and impulse control, is also affected by love bombing. When the reward center of the brain is activated, it can override the prefrontal cortex’s ability to make rational decisions, making the victim more susceptible to the scammer’s manipulation.

In addition to these changes in brain activity, love bombing can also activate the release of oxytocin, a hormone that is often associated with social bonding and attachment. Oxytocin can create a sense of emotional connection and trust between the victim and the scammer, making it more difficult for the victim to see through the scammer’s deception.

Overall, love bombing works by creating a false sense of emotional intimacy and dependence in the victim, which is achieved by activating the reward center of the brain, the amygdala, and the release of oxytocin. These changes in brain activity can create intense emotional responses that make it difficult for the victim to think critically about the situation, leading to increased susceptibility to the scammer’s manipulation.

The Dark Side

Romance scammers also use amygdala hijacks to create intense negative emotional experiences that trigger feelings of fear, anxiety, and greater vulnerability.

For example, a scammer may use fear tactics by creating a sense of urgency or emergency, such as claiming that they need money for a medical emergency or to escape a dangerous situation. They may also question the victim’s emotional attachment to the relationship and threaten to end it.

By triggering these intense emotions, scammers force their victims to act quickly and without thinking critically about the situation.

Scammers may threaten violence against the victim or their loved ones if they do not comply with their demands, which will trigger fear and panic to keep the victim in compliance.  Or the scammers may claim that the victim has committed a crime or violated a law and threaten legal action if the victim does not comply with their demands. They may also claim to be a law enforcement officer or a representative of a government agency, further adding to the sense of fear and anxiety in the victim.

The Feelings Were Real

The hard part is understanding that what the victim felt was all real. Meaning that the emotions they felt were real, but they were 100% manipukated emotions and not something that the victims consent to.

Often, the challenge for victims is to reconcile the fact that nothing about the scam was real, yet the feelings were valid. It often helps victims to look at the situation as rape – one feels what they feel, but it was not consensual – it was a violation, and there is no shame in that (or should not be.)

The Emotional Impact

The emotional impact of romance scams can be devastating for victims, especially because of what they felt and how real the experience was – even though it was all lies.

After being manipulated and exploited, victims often feel violated, ashamed, and alone – this is normal. They may feel embarrassed about falling for the scam and may struggle with feelings of self-doubt and mistrust. Of course, the scam was not their fault and was the product of professional criminals exploiting their initial vulnerabilities and then expertly manipulating their emotions to control them.

The emotional impact of romance scams can also extend beyond the initial experience. Victims may struggle with long-term effects, such as anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting others. They may also struggle with feelings of isolation and disconnection, as they may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their experience.

Victims of romance scams may also feel a sense of betrayal, as they were led to believe that they were building a genuine emotional connection with the scammer. This betrayal can cause a significant amount of emotional pain, and may even lead to a loss of faith in humanity.

It is for these reasons that it is important to have victims acknowledge that what they felt was real and valid, but it was beyond their control, and they are not to blame.

Summary

Remember, romance scammers use manipulative techniques like amygdala hijacks and love bombing to force their victims to feel emotions without their consent. The emotional impact of these scams can be devastating, leaving victims feeling violated, ashamed, and alone. It’s essential to educate individuals about these scams and to encourage them to seek support if they have been a victim of a romance scam.

Recovering from a romance scam alone is extraordinarily difficult – if not impossible for most victims. SCARS recommends that every victim should join a professionally managed victims’ support group and also see a trauma counselor or therapist.

To join a SCARS Support & Recovery Group visit support.AgainstScams.org to sign up.

To explore options for counseling or therapy go here.