SCAM RELATED TERMS
THE WORDS WE USE DEFINE WHAT WE THINK ABOUT SCAMSScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime - is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. AND ABOUT OURSELVES
“In order to change the way outsiders view victims it starts with the way victims name and blameBlame Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action. themselves.” – Dr. Tim McGuinness, SCARS Director
“Remember … Talk about yourself the way you would like others to talk about you!” – Vianey Gonzales, SCARS Director
“Knowledge of your own psychology during recovery is your most powerful tool in rebuilding yourself!” – Chris Fromal, SCARS Director
Important Terms That Should Be Used Or Understod
Derogatory
Meaning: expressive of a low opinion
Derogatory Remarks: A derogatory term is detracting from the character or standing of something —often used about a person.
Similar to: DISPARAGING or PEJORATIVE
Meaning of Pejorative: a word or phrase that has negative connotations or that is intended to disparage or belittle someone or something.
There are many derogatory words used to describe victims of crimes. These vary depending on the types of crime. Some are intended to be hurtful and demean the victim, some are intended to dehumanize them, others are intended to categorize them or make them unimportant.
Regardless, SCARS does not permit the use of derogatory terms at all in our support groupsSupport Groups In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers., recovery program, or comments on social media or our websites. It is simply too easy to let them creep into your thinking and your descriptions of yourself and other victims.
This is why we emphasize strongly the use of the right terms and phrases always. Another reason is the simple fact that there are many members of our groups who have other native languages and they may latch onto the wrong words thinking they are right.
This all comes back to the basic premise that victims are not to blame, and the terms we use should reinforce this.
It did take us years for SCARS to fully understand this, but as we have seen clearly this has benefits.
FraudFraud In law, fraud is intentional deception to secure unfair or unlawful gain (money or other assets), or to deprive a victim of a legal right. Fraud can violate civil law (e.g., a fraud victim may sue the fraud perpetrator to avoid the fraud or recover monetary compensation) or criminal law (e.g., a fraud perpetrator may be prosecuted and imprisoned by governmental authorities), or it may cause no loss of money, property, or legal right but still be an element of another civil or criminal wrong. The purpose of fraud may be monetary gain or other benefits, for example by obtaining a passport, travel document, or driver's license, or mortgage fraud, where the perpetrator may attempt to qualify for a mortgage by way of false statements. A fraud can also be a hoax, which is a distinct concept that involves deliberate deception without the intention of gain or of materially damaging or depriving a victim.
The Word Is Fraud – Not Scams
Definition Of Fraud: The intentional perversion of truth in order to induce another to part with something of value!
Every victim of a scam uses the word scam to describe the crime, but this comes at a cost.
Any victim, and their friends and family members should never refer to themselves as a scam victim.
Society treats the terms “scam” and “fraud” quite differently – we know that all scams are fraud, but scams are somehow less criminalCriminal A criminal is any person who through a decision or act engages in a crime. This can be complicated, as many people break laws unknowingly, however, in our context, it is a person who makes a decision to engage in unlawful acts or to place themselves with others who do this. A criminal always has the ability to decide not to break the law, or if they initially engage in crime to stop doing it, but instead continues. in the eyes of many. This also impacts the reaction of the police, after all, fraud is something they deal with constantly and know and understand. But when they hear scam it automatically results in backing off because they know there may be nothing they can do.
We know these are serious crimes, so use a word that sounds more serious whenever talking about the crime – it was a FRAUD and you are the victim of FRAUD.
So remember, you were the victim of FRAUD, you are working against FRAUD, you are fighting against FRAUD!
It also sounds more serious and more professional! This will help you in explaining it to friends and family too!
Unfortunately, we are forced to use scam, scams, scammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer., scammers constantly because these are the terms you are drawn to and how we get the search engines to show our pages. But just remember that the right word is fraud!
GroomingGrooming Grooming is a form of setting up a victim for a scam or other crime by befriending and establishing an emotional connection with the victim, and sometimes the family, to lower the victim's inhibitions with the objective of the scam or criminal activity. Grooming includes the development of a trust relationship between the criminal and the victim, getting the victims to the point where they can be more completely manipulated.
Meaning of Grooming: in the everyday world it means to clean up or enhance the appearance of something or someone, but when it relates to scams or crime it means to meticulously prepare someone (usually a victim) for some crime or sinister activity, such as grooming children or scam victims.
The criminals employ grooming to help transform victims to be ready for the comprehensive manipulation that they use to maintain control over victims.
There should be no shameShame Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness. in realizing that you were groomed – you did not see it at the time and were unprepared for it. We try to prepare children to avoid it, but mostly forget those lessons as adults. Once the grooming is in place then the criminals apply ever greater manipulation to maintain control and achieve their goals.
Ignorant/Ignorance
Meaning of Ignorant: not having enough knowledge, understanding, or information about something
Everyone is ignorant about something. There is no blame in being ignorant because everyone is.
However, it can be turned into a derogatory term if someone believes that the person should have known. But this is a bias and a false assumption.
Everyone is poorly educated about what they need to know, except for driving & flying – these are two of the universal education requirements in the world.
The result is that it is up to each person to decide what they need to know.
It is a fact that you all did not know what you needed online, BUT even people with the knowledge are still deceived. So knowledge is no guarantee of safety – as we have said before, behaviors based upon knowledge are what is needed, not knowledge alone.
There is no shame in being ignorant. Please remember that.
Limerence
Definition of Limerence: The state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person – an infatuation!
So often people say that they were in love with the fake person in a romance scam, but is that really the case? Maybe, instead of using the phrase “in-love”, you should look at it as an infatuation. Why? Because when you tell yourself that you are in love it means that you were a willing partner in the romance. But if it was limerence, it means that it was not with your heart but rather a simple emotional reaction, in part based upon projection, in part because of need, in part because of grooming and manipulation.
By using the right words it makes it easier to accept, let go, and recover from a highly traumatic relationship. In other words, you were not in love with the fake identity (the criminals) but with the idea that they represented. This is important to shedding guilt and shame.
Manipulate/Manipulated/Manipulating
Meaning of Manipulate: to treat or operate with or as if with the hands or by mechanical means, especially in a skillful manner, such as to manipulate a person or thing – to manage or utilize skillfully an object, animal, or person – to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means, especially to one’s own advantage – to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one’s purpose
Online criminals manipulate their victims and leave them in a state of psychological distress and traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS.. The manipulation serves to control the victim so that they will perform such tasks or activities that the criminal or criminals want them to perform.
Never forget that you were manipulated and for that reason, you are not to blame.
Unwitting
Meaning of Unwitting: Not knowing or being informed about or aware of something.
Meaning of Witting: Having specified facts or knowing about something or feelings actively impressed on the mind.
This mostly applies in the case of actions by a victim, such as being an unwitting victim – in that they did not know they were being scammed.
However it will be mostly used in the cases of victims that are turned into Money MulesMoney mules Money mules are a type of money laundering where a person transfers illicit funds through a medium (such as a bank account) to obfuscate where the money came from. There are different types of money mules including witting, unwitting, and complicit. – they were an unwitting participant or unwitting accomplice of the scammer.
Terms That Should Never Be Used About Victims & By Victims About Themselves
The following are actually derogatory words when used about victims.
Blame/Blamed/BlamingBlaming Blame or Blaming is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong, their action is blameworthy. By contrast, when someone is morally responsible for doing something right, we may say that his or her action is praiseworthy. Blame imparts responsibility for an action or act, as in that they made a choice to perform that act or action.
Meaning of Blame: to find fault with – to hold responsible – to place responsibility for – to blame – at fault
One of the most common actions of scam victims is to blame themselves for the scam. They should have, could have, would have known better! But these are just a reflection of shame and your own biases. In fact, a typical victim makes only one mistake with their scam: beginning a conversation with a stranger. After this point, they lost control and are blameless.
Accepting responsibility for the consequences is not the same as accepting responsibility for the scam itself. The criminal is responsible for the scam, not the victim. Please remember this!
Dumb
Meanings of Dumb: lacking intelligence – showing a lack of intelligence – asking dumb questions (no such thing) – a dumb look on his face (no such thing, it is an ignorant look) – requiring no intelligence (everything requires intelligence) – dumb luck – lacking the human power of speech – this is the real meaning of the word – dumb animals (well by definition all of them are, except for those that talk) – temporarily unable to speak (as from shock or astonishment) – struck dumb with fear – a trauma response – not having the capability to process information – can also be a trauma response – shock!
Dumb is both a descriptive word and a pejorative/derogatory word.
When we say we were dumb it can mean we were without a voice (not very common) or more commonly we were STUPID. Obviously, it implies blame when used in the common context.
No scam victim was dumb. They were ignorant, groomed and manipulated, and traumatized – but not dumb.
While it may be accurate to say you were struck dumb, it is best to avoid this word when describing yourself since others will misunderstand. You always want to be precise when talking about these crimes, both for your own comfort and to help others better understand them.
Never use the word DUMB about yourself, even in joking, or about any other victims!
Dupe/Duped
Meanings of Dupe: one that is easily deceived or cheated : (a FOOL) – to deceive or cheat easily : to make a dupe of someone
Being duped or being a dupe implies blame because it easily happened – per the meaning of this word.
So many of the words we use we do not really know, or what they really mean. Remember that the words you use matter!
Fool
Meaning of Fool: A person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person. Implies blame!
Calling someone a fool means they are incapable of understanding the risks before during and after. But it ignores ignorance, grooming, and expert manipulation.
Scam (fraud) victims are not fools, they were uninformed, and lacking the information were not able to assess the risks or the fraud as it was unfolding. But eventually, they understood and ended it – that is not the sign of a fool!
Guilty/Guilt
Meaning of Guilty: A person justly chargeable with a particular fault or misdeed.
Often scam victims feel very guilty, not out of a legal definition of guilt, but they feel like they should have been able to avoid the fraud and recognize it. But again this comes down to ignorance about the existence of these crimes and the skills of the criminals to groom and control the victims.
No victim should ever feel guilt or be accused of it by others.
However, there is one exception to this and that is when a victim becomes a Money MuleMoney Mule A money mule sometimes called a "smurfer," is a person who transfers money acquired illegally (e.g., stolen) in person, through a courier service, or electronically, on behalf of others (usually criminals that they are knowingly or unknowingly affiliated). Typically, the mule is paid for services with a small part of the money transferred - but not always. Mules may or may not be aware that they are performing these actions. Money mules are often dupes recruited online for what they think is legitimate employment, not aware that the money they are transferring is the product of crime. The money is transferred from the mule's account to the scam operator, typically in another country. Similar techniques are used to transfer illegal merchandise. Mules can be prosecuted for numerous crimes. for the very criminals that were defrauding them to begin with. We know that victims can be converted into money mules without really knowing they are doing it. They have been manipulated to the point where they believe everything the criminals are telling them. But in the eyes of the law, it is not always simple. The law might assign guilt for money launderingMoney laundering Money laundering is the illegal process of concealing the origins of money obtained illegally by passing it through a complex sequence of banking transfers or commercial transactions. Money laundering can be done through various mediums, leveraging a variety of payment vehicles, people and institutions. (or other actions) and it may take a trial to establish guilt or innocence.
Gullible
Meaning of Gullible: a person who is easily duped or cheated.
This implies blame based upon the word “Easily” and it ignores the fact that ANYONE can be deceived.
If a victim is gullible, it implies that other victims are gullible too. If one person is gullible, then all people are gullible too.
Instead, victims are ignorant – lacking information to avoid deception, and are full of human biases that can be manipulated. Remember, everyone is ignorant about most things in the world – there is no shame in not knowing something.
The truth is that NO Victim is gullible, but every victim is human and can be lured, groomed, and manipulated.
Also remember that instead of gullible, a victim may be in denialDenial Denial is a refusal or unwillingness to accept something or to accept reality. Refusal to admit the truth or reality of something, refusal to acknowledge something unpleasant; And as a term of Psychology: denial is a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality. which may appear to be gullible to the outside but is something distinctly different.
Never use this word to describe yourself or any other victims. Or rules do not permit the use of derogatory terms for victims or blaming victims.
Just remember that part of the challenge of supporting victims is to have them accurately viewed and represented. 40 years ago sexual assault victims were similarly blamed through the use of the terms that were applied by society, the police, their families and friends, and by themselves. 20 years ago it was the same for domestic abuse victims. We can only change these perceptions by carefully choosing the words we all use.
Naive
Meaning of Naive: A person showing a lack of experience, wisdom, or judgment – implies blame
Noice that ignorance is not there.
Scam victims are not naive, they are simply ignorant and unprepared. There is no shame in not knowing something, Don’t let someone call you naive, instead just admin that you did not know.
Should you have known? That is a more difficult question. But if you did not know what the risks were, then how could you know what you had to learn to prevent them. It is better to accept that you did not know and dedicate yourself to learning what you need now.
Stupid
Meaning of Stupid: A person showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense. Implies blame!
Any stupid people here? No, not really. Scam victims are not stupid and should never let anyone tell them that they are, including calling themselves this.
It is a fact that scam victims made a mistake, and especially after the scam can continue to make bad decisions but that is not stupidity just wrong thinking – a known problem for those that are traumatized.
Additional Terms Of Importance
BehaviorBehavior Behavior / Behavioral Actions Otherwise known as habits, behavior or behavioral actions are strategies to help prevent online exploitation that target behavior, such as social engineering of victims. Changing your behavior is the ONLY effective means to reduce or prevent scams./Behave
Meaning of Behavior: the way in which someone conducts oneself or behaves – the manner of conducting oneself (such as criminal behavior, adolescent behavior, high-risk behavior) – anything that an organism does involving action and response to stimulation – the response of an individual, group, or species to its environment – the way in which something or someone functions or operates
Meaning of Behave: to manage the actions of (oneself) in a particular way – to conduct (oneself) in a proper manner – to act, function, or react in a particular way
to conduct oneself properly
When we talk about behavior we are referring to both GOOD BEHAVIOR and BAD BEHAVIOR. But behavior is contextual. What is good in one context can be bad in another. For example: being trusting and generous can be good as a parent with your children, but bad with strangers online. However, there are also defensive behaviors that work in both good and bad situations or contexts, such as taking your time to make significant decisions. Learning to push pause on serious decisions is a good behavior (assuming it is not taken to the point of paralysis.)
All scam victims need to change their behaviors to reduce risk and allow for the logical mind to have more control in decision making.
Encouragement
Definition of Encouragement: The act of giving someone confidence or hope!
Recovery
Definition of Recovery: A return to a normal state of health, or mind; the process of regaining control of something lost.
Support
Definition of Support: To hold up or serve as a foundation, give assistance to, to help enable to function or act.
Vicarious Victimhood
Definition of Vicarious Victimhood: Is when a friend or family member is almost as touched & traumatized by the scam as the victim
Summary
We hope that exploring these terms will help you look at your perceptions differently. Words have profound meaning and the words we use help to shape our thinking – that, right there, is social engineeringSocial Engineering Social engineering is the psychological manipulation of people into performing actions or divulging confidential information. It is used as a type of confidence trick for the purpose of information gathering, fraud, or system access, it differs from a traditional "con" in that it is often one of many steps in a more complex fraud scheme. It has also been defined as "any act that influences a person to take any action that may or may not be in their best interests."! But you can socially engineer yourself too – that is the whole purpose behind motivations!
Essential Tools For Every Scam Victim From SCARS Publishing
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Each is based on our SCARS Team’s 31 plus years of experience.
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SCARS GREEN BOOK
Self-Help Self-Paced Recovery Program Guide
LEARN HOW TO RECOVER ON YOUR OWN
This program is designed to help scam victims struggling to recover on their own and for those who want to understand the overall process. You can be using other resources, such as trauma counselingCounseling Counseling is the professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes. A mental health counselor (MHC), or counselor, is a person who works with individuals and groups to promote optimum mental and emotional health. Such persons may help individuals deal with issues associated with addiction and substance abuse; family, parenting, and marital problems; stress management; self-esteem; and aging. They may also work with "Social Workers", "Psychiatrists", and "Psychologists". SCARS does not provide mental health counseling. or therapy, qualified support groups, or completely independent – on your own!
The SCARS Steps program is a complete program and is provided for the purpose of helping scam victims to overcome this experience. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues and challenges that a victim may have and help guide them through their recovery. But each person is different and it is important to understand your own reasons for being vulnerable to being scammed.
After the trauma of being scammed, you need to take steps to recover and move on. This may be an alternative to counseling in the short term, but we still encourage you to seek out professional help & support. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues, challenges, defects, or problems that a victim may have in a generalized way.
The SCARS GREEN BOOK will help you recover from your scam offline and it will always be there when you need it!
SCARS SLATE BOOK – Let Us Explain What Happened!
A Guide For Families & Friends Of Scam Victims
HOW TO HELP ROMANCE SCAM VICTIMS FOR FAMILIES & FRIENDS OF SCAM VICTIMS
This SCARS Publishing book represents a complete guide to help the families and friends understand how these scams work and how to help the victim.
The SCARS Slate Book should be purchased by family and friends to better understand what happened to the victim and the traumatic impact on them. But it can also be shared by the victim so that they do not have to explain to family and friends about the scam. This publication is to help others to help Scam Victims to make it through this traumatic experience and recover.
Each person is different and it is important to understand how relationship scamsRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam? work and why people are vulnerable; to being scammed, how they were lured in, then groomed and manipulated. This understanding is essential in helping them through the process of ending the scam and then on to recovery. The SCARS Slate Book will provide the information necessary to help support a victim through this process.
SCARS RED BOOK
Your Personal Scam Evidence & Crime Record Organizer
ORGANIZE YOUR INFORMATION TO MAKE THE REPORTING PROCESS SIMPLE!
Helps you get and stay organized. This publication is to help Scam Victims organize their crime information. Complete this information before reporting to the police then bring this book with you
Before or after reporting to the police the RED BOOK gives you a dedicated tool to record all the essential facts of this crime. The Victim, the Scammers, the Money, and your Police interactions. Everything that really matters can be easily recorded for your immediate use and for the future!
As we have seen, money recovery/repayment programs can become available years after the scam ends and you need to keep all the details of this crime in case it is needed. We have also seen scammers being extradited to the U.S. and other countries, this will help in the event you testify or give statements, Additionally, this helps you have your information ready to qualify for victims’ benefits, compensation, or aid.
The Official SCARS RED BOOK is your way of recording all the important facts of this crime so that you do not lose essential information, Complete the RED BOOK then put it away with the confidence that you will have it if or when it is needed.
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Your generous purchase allows us to maintain our scam avoidance, support, and recovery services. Please help SCARS and stand proud.
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