Scam Victim Identity Crisis

What’s An Identity Crisis And Could You Be Having One?

In Additional to Everything Else, Who You are has Changed Because of the Scam

A Scam Victim’s Dilemma

As you participate in a relationship scam, whether a regular romance scam or a “Pig Butchering” crypto investment scam, your whole persona is tied up in the connection you have with the other person. You know who you are and what you are doing. You are certain of this!

Except that after the scam nothing is certain anymore.

You question what you did and why you did it. What was it about you that allowed the scammer to manipulate and control you so completely? How can you be the person that you thought you were and have allowed that to happen?

This provokes an acute identity crisis even if you do not recognize it for what it is.

Recovering After The Scam

After the scam, all victims go through terrible emotional crises.

• There is the physical & emotional shock of discovering that you were deceived.
• There is the grief that comes with the loss of an important relationship.
• Then there is the trauma that results from the emotional shame, guilt, and self-blame for the scam.
• But often overlooked is the Identity Crisis that affects all victims after the scam.

In some cases, the identity crisis will take care of itself, but not always.

• Many victims cannot face what happened and the destruction of their view of themself. Often these collapse into denial and refuse to face the issues before them.
• Many victims are so angry from the event that they don’t even try to address the reasons why or the emotional toll (or trauma) that the scam causes – they just want to get even!
• However, even realists often do not sit down and think through how they have changed as a result of the scam. That exercise can be important in helping them to reach full acceptance.

“One of the reasons that many scam victims try so hard to forget about the scam is that it is the only way they can maintain their sense of self! Because to accept the scam means they cannot be who they thought they were!”

Tim McGuinness, Ph.D., DFin, MCPO, MAnth

Identity Crisis Overview

Are you questioning who you are? Maybe what your purpose is, or what your values are? If so, you may be going through what some call an identity crisis.

The term “identity crisis” first came from developmental psychologist and psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. He introduced the ideas of adolescent identity crises as well as midlife crises, believing that personalities developed by resolving crises in life.

If you’re experiencing an identity crisis, you may be questioning your sense of self or identity. This can often occur due to big changes or stressors in life, or due to factors such as age or advancement from a certain stage (for example, school, work, or childhood).

Here’s what you need to know about identity crises if you might be having one, and what you can do.

Symptoms of an identity crisis

Having an identity crisis isn’t a diagnosable condition, so there aren’t typical “symptoms,” as with a cold or flu. Instead, here are the signs you may be experiencing an identity crisis:

• You’re questioning who you are — overall or with regard to a certain life aspect such as relationships, age, or career.
• You’re experiencing great personal conflict due to the questioning of who you are or your role in society.
• Big changes have recently occurred that have affected your sense of self, such as divorce.
• You’re questioning things such as your values, spirituality, beliefs, interests, or career path that have a major impact on how you see yourself.
• You’re searching for more meaning, reason, or passion in your life.

It’s completely normal to question who you are, especially since we change throughout our lives. However, when it begins to affect your daily thinking or functioning, you may be having a crisis of identity.

Is it something more serious?

Any type of crisis can also result in a decline in your mental health.

Viewing yourself or your life negatively has been shownTrusted Source to be a marker of vulnerability to depression.

If you have any signs of depression, consider seeking help. You should seek help immediately if they’re accompanied by suicidal thoughts.

Symptoms of depression can include:

• depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
• loss of interest in things once enjoyed
• fatigue
• irritability
• changes in appetite or weight
• issues with concentration, energy levels, motivation, and sleep

Causes Of An Identity Crisis

Although often thought of as happening at certain ages (for instance, in teens or during “midlife crises”), an identity crisis can happen to anyone, of any age, at any point in one’s life.

Oftentimes, identity crises or other mental health issues can arise due to major life stressors. These stressors don’t have to be inherently bad, but they can still cause a lot of stress, which makes you question who you are and what you value.

Stressors can include:

• being the victim of a crime
• getting married
• getting divorced or separated
• moving
• experiencing a traumatic event
• losing a loved one
• losing or getting a job
• new health issues

These and other stressors can certainly have an impact on your daily life and how you see yourself.

One recent study found that factors such as social support, stress levels, and health issues could all influence the development of an often-called midlife crisis.

Treatment For An Identity Crisis

Questioning your sense of self may be stressful, but it can actually be a good thing in the long term. Knowing who you are better and adapting to changes can help you grow as a person.

Here are some things you can do to get through an identity crisis:

Look inward and explore

Take some time out to really look within yourself and ask yourself some questions about what you like and don’t like anymore.

Ask yourself questions and see if you can answer them over time and if the answers help you figure things out. Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers — and they may change from year to year, or decade to decade.

Questions might include:

• What qualities and characteristics define you? How has this changed over the years?
• If you’re experiencing a major life change: How have things changed for you? Are you content with these changes? How can you cope with these new things occurring?
• What are your values? Is anything working in opposition to them?
• What are your interests, passions, and hobbies? Are you doing what you like to do, and if not, why not? (If you love to play tennis and haven’t for several years, what factors are preventing it?)
• What grounds you? What helps you cope when you’re struggling?
• What’s important to you regarding your values, purpose in life, or sense of identity? Is there anything you feel you can do to improve your sense of self?

Search for joy and other ways to cope

• What makes you happy? What gives your life a sense of purpose and joy?
• You don’t necessarily have to have the perfect job, but if you aren’t doing anything fulfilling in your life, then this might be why you feel like you’re in crisis.
• You may find fulfillment in volunteering, taking up a new hobby, connecting with others, or any number of other things outside of your employment. Or, you may find that a new job will be a more appropriate match for who you are.

Find support

Having good social support can help influence how well you cope with big changes, stressors, or questions of identity. There are so many places you can find support.

Look for support in:

• friends, partners, and family members
• your community or church
• a new group, club, or meetup that shares your interests
• a support group (SCARS offers them here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/scars.scam.victims.group.step1)
• mental health group or individual therapies:
  • www.opencounseling.com
  • www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/trauma-and-ptsd
  • www.betterhelp.com/therapists
  • www.nbcc.org/Search/CounselorFind
  • www.talkspace.com
• team sports or activities

Ignore internal and external judgment

• Other people’s expectations as well as our own can have a big effect on how we’re feeling. But don’t let society’s standards dictate who you are and what you should like.
• Just because you’re of a certain age, gender, or cultural group, doesn’t mean that you need to follow along if you no longer believe in what you’re following.
• Your self-perception is important to your overall well-being, and spending time and energy on judgmental thinking can get you nowhere. It may take time for the people you love to understand any changes you make, but you’ll be happier in the long term if you’re true to yourself.

Seek outside help

If the stress ever gets to be too much, consider seeking outside help. This can come from a trustworthy friend or family member to talk to, or a mental health professional to help you resolve and cope with what’s going on.

Resources:

• www.opencounseling.com
• www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/trauma-and-ptsd
• www.betterhelp.com/therapists
• www.nbcc.org/Search/CounselorFind
• www.talkspace.com

Never feel afraid to ask for help. Life — especially big changes — can feel scary, but we all go through it.

The Takeaway

A sense of self and identity is important to everyone. Although having an identity crisis can make you feel lost or frustrated, these types of crises can also be fundamentally helpful.

Questioning your sense of self, your purpose, and your values can help you gain a better sense of you who are and who you will be. Remember, change is a part of life, and looking back you will see that you’ve been changing all along.

If you’re experiencing a lot of major life stressors and you feel like you’re in a serious mental health crisis, contact a professional who can help you work through what you’re going through.

Portions from: www.healthline.com