SCARS Institute’s Encyclopedia of Scams™ Published Continuously for 25 Years
Urban Legends Are Everywhere In The Scam Victim Communities!
They are spread by instant experts and other victims because they want to believe that they are true.
But sadly, most are not and many contribute to making victims more vulnerable.
Urban Legend: Being Strong-Willed Will Stop Future Scams! Wrong!
Victims frequently tell themselves and others that they will never be scammed again. And in fact, they somehow believe that if they were stronger-willed in the beginning they would not have been scammed in the first place.
All it takes to stop relationship scams is being strong-willed.
Essentially, while this is well-intentioned, it does several bad things.
- This is pure victim blaming – that somehow the victim was not strong enough so they were scammed
- By being stronger after the scam they will never let it happen again – without understanding the psychological manipulation techniques and changing behaviors every victim remains vulnerable
- This judges other victims as weaker than they are – they will never fall for this again because they are now stronger-willed
- This is more of the same fantastical thinking that got them in the first scam – by not recognizing the real causes of vulnerability and how to correct or overcome them these victims are doomed to repeat experiences.
- Only the combination of behavioral change and learning is going to stop or reduce the risk to scams.
When looked at through a more rational lens it becomes easy to see how bravado is contrary to avoiding scams in the future.
The best approach is humility, acceptance of what happened and the present situation, extending the effort to learn what this was and why this happened, and changing the fundamental risk-taking that led to this place in time.
Urban Legend: Anger & Aggression Will Teach Those Damn Scammers!
We see a constant stream of angry victims, so enraged by their experience that they spend their time raging against scammers on every anti-scam social media page they can find. Often they rage against us as we try to tell them the proper approach to post-scam actions.
Almost all scam victims will go through the anger phase as they are processing the grief from their experience – this is normal. Unfortunately, a full third of scam victims will become habitually angry – meaning that instead of processing grief they stay angry. It is easy to stay this way and become angry instead of processing grief or recovering from the trauma that these crimes cause. In fact, since trauma is caused less by the crime than a victim’s response to the crime, this anger only increases trauma and the difficulties that it will cause as time goes by.
So many victims have this “I know best” attitude after they end their scam, and this attitude leads to a constant stream of additional mistakes.
The truly unfortunate part of this anger is that it leads inevitably to increased trauma and despair long term. Instead of being able to hear rational voices early on when it really matters, angry victims may not listen for months or even years, some will never.
We mention this to help all victims understand that after the scam their choices determine not only what additional mistakes they will make but their entire future.
We are here to support victims, but that means helping them build their foundation after the scam based upon solid facts, not anger, We can’t help those that will not listen. But if you do listen and follow our recovery program, we can help get you back on the path to a happier life.
Urban Legend: “I’m Going To Do It My Way”
Many victims reject help and say they are going to recover on their own.
This is wonderful, but experience has taught us that this is yet another bad decision following the scam. Trauma does not simply go away, and ignorance is not overcome by remaining ignorant.
To effectively recover from the experience of a relationship scam requires learning, psychological and emotional support, and behavior changes. This is not opinion, this is fact based upon the evidence of working with nearly 8 million scam victims. It is also based upon the body of psychological science.
If you decide that you want to recover on your own, we wish you well and every success. But understand you are deciding to follow a path with a 90% failure rate. Victims do not have the knowledge or tools to make it through this on their own – in most cases.
However, there are multiple processes that can lead to a happy outcome. Therapy and counseling are pivotal in all of them and we encourage all victims to find local trauma counselors.
But if you really decide you know best and want to go it on your own, at least learn what is really going on so you do not lead other victims astray too!
Even If …
You think you know better and do not want to listen to us …
We recommend that you see a trauma counselor – if for no other reason than to get yourself evaluated.
Here are resources to help you find a trauma counselor or therapist:
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What do you think about this?
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Table of Contents
- You Are Too Smart Now To Be Scammed Again & Other Urban Legends
- Urban Legends Are Everywhere In The Scam Victim Communities!
- Urban Legend: Being Strong-Willed Will Stop Future Scams! Wrong!
- Urban Legend: Anger & Aggression Will Teach Those Damn Scammers!
- Urban Legend: “I’m Going To Do It My Way”
- Even If …
Rapid Report Scammers
In the U.S. & Canada
U.S. & Canada Suicide Lifeline 988
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ARTICLE META
Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- Enroll in FREE SCARS Scam Survivor’s School now at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
SCARS Institute articles examine different aspects of the scam victim experience, as well as those who may have been secondary victims. This work focuses on understanding victimization through the science of victimology, including common psychological and behavioral responses. The purpose is to help victims and survivors understand why these crimes occurred, reduce shame and self-blame, strengthen recovery programs and victim opportunities, and lower the risk of future victimization.
At times, these discussions may sound uncomfortable, overwhelming, or may be mistaken for blame. They are not. Scam victims are never blamed. Our goal is to explain the mechanisms of deception and the human responses that scammers exploit, and the processes that occur after the scam ends, so victims can better understand what happened to them and why it felt convincing at the time, and what the path looks like going forward.
Articles that address the psychology, neurology, physiology, and other characteristics of scams and the victim experience recognize that all people share cognitive and emotional traits that can be manipulated under the right conditions. These characteristics are not flaws. They are normal human functions that criminals deliberately exploit. Victims typically have little awareness of these mechanisms while a scam is unfolding and a very limited ability to control them. Awareness often comes only after the harm has occurred.
By explaining these processes, these articles help victims make sense of their experiences, understand common post-scam reactions, and identify ways to protect themselves moving forward. This knowledge supports recovery by replacing confusion and self-blame with clarity, context, and self-compassion.
Additional educational material on these topics is available at ScamPsychology.org – ScamsNOW.com and other SCARS Institute websites.
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.
I think most people are completely at a loss of what to do after they discovered they have been scammed. Unfortunately, some will never find SCARS. I’m sure glad I did. The help and guidance I have received has really made a difference in my ongoing recovery.