Loneliness Can Lead You Into ScamsScams A Scam is a confidence trick - a crime - is an attempt to defraud a person or group after first gaining their trust through deception. Scams or confidence tricks exploit victims using their credulity, naïveté, compassion, vanity, irresponsibility, or greed and exploiting that. Researchers have defined confidence tricks as "a distinctive species of fraudulent conduct ... intending to further voluntary exchanges that are not mutually beneficial", as they "benefit con operators ('con men' - criminals) at the expense of their victims (the 'marks')". A scam is a crime even if no money was lost. And Prevent You From Recovering
We have noted over the years that many (most) scam victims talk about being vulnerable to a romance scam because they were lonely.
Is This Really True?
Though our need to connect is an essential part of us, many of us frequently feel alone. But alone and loneliness are not the same thing.
Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it.
Even people who are surrounded by others throughout the day—or are in a long-lasting relationship—can still experience a deep and pervasive loneliness. Research suggests that loneliness poses serious threats to well-being as well as long-term physical health.
What is Loneliness?
Loneliness is a state of mind characterized by a dissociation between what an individual wants or expects from a relationship (human connection) and what that individual experiences in that relationship or the lack of it. The relationship can be romantic, career, or friendship.
BECAUSE LONELINESS IS A STATE OF MIND, BEING PHYSICALLY ALONE IS NOT A NECESSARY NOR A SUFFICIENT CONDITION TO EXPERIENCE LONELINESS
One can experience a lonely state of mind while being with people at work, at home, or even in a relationship. Income, education, gender, and ethnicity don’t protect you from loneliness, and it is contagious.
One in three people in America, Canada, and Great Briton is affected by loneliness, and one in 12 is affected severely.
The effects of loneliness can’t really be tied to the physical characteristics of lonely people. Rather, they are due to the effects of loneliness on everyday people.
Loneliness is a universal condition that makes a person irritable or angry, self-centered, depressed, insecure and is associated with a 26 percent increase in the odds of premature mortality. According to our evolutionary model of loneliness, loneliness causes more than just mental healthMental health Mental health, defined by the World Health Organization (WHO), is "a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community". According to WHO, mental health includes "subjective well-being, perceived self-efficacy, autonomy, competence, intergenerational dependence, and self-actualization of one's intellectual and emotional potential, among others". From the perspectives of positive psychology or of holism, mental health may include an individual's ability to enjoy life and to create a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience. Cultural differences, subjective assessments, and competing professional theories all affect how one defines "mental health". and behavioral dysfunction. For instance, studies have also reported a significant association between loneliness and various health issues such as cardiovascular disease, diminished sleep salubrity (quality), increased inflammation, and decreased viral immunity, even after controlling for various other factors.
LONELINESS CAN ALSO INCREASE LONELINESS
Loneliness is typically reversible, but commonsense solutions are not helpful.
First, one must understand the definition of loneliness. Being alone for dinner is not the same as being lonely; one can be physically alone and mentally with someone or part of a community by thinking of them, keeping their family or partners in photographs or having dinner with their people via video chat.
In turn, one may feel extremely lonely while having dinner with an estranged partner or old friend for example.
Finally, one may seek solitude during a holiday and be extremely happy alone (both mentally and physically). Solitude is different from loneliness. But solitude can be a red flag for loneliness.
Identifying and Fighting Loneliness
Whether a person lives in isolation or not, feeling a lack of social connectedness can be painful. Loneliness can be described in different ways; a commonly used measure of loneliness, the UCLA Loneliness Scale, asks individuals about a range of feelings or deficits of connection, including how often they:
- feel they lack companionship
- feel left out
- feel “in tune” with people around them
- feel outgoing and friendly
- feel there are people they can turn to
Given the potential health consequences for those who feel like they have few or no supportive social connections, widespread loneliness poses a major societal challenge. But it underscores the demand for increased outreach and connection on a personal level, too.
This is a major cause for the vulnerability that helps lead a victim into a relationship scamRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam?.
Why is it So Hard to Seek Out Companionship (or the Right One) When One Feels Lonely?
There’s evidence that lonely individuals have a sort of negativity-bias in evaluating social interactions – an insecurity – and establish barriers.
Lonely people pick up on signs of potential rejection (real or imagined) more quickly than do others, perhaps better to avoid it and protect themselves or drive others away.
THUS, LONELINESS CAN BE QUITE SELF-DESTRUCTIVESelf-sabotaging Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common Self-Defeating behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.
People who feel lonely need to be aware of this bias or insecurity so as to override it in seeking out the right kind of companionship, particularly in avoiding loneliness traps such as romance scams.
Loneliness, Health, and Well-Being
A number of unfavorable outcomes have been linked to loneliness. In addition to its association with depressive symptoms and other forms of mental illnessMental Illness Mental illness, also called mental health disorders, refers to a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking, and behavior. Examples of mental illness include depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and addictive behaviors., loneliness is a risk factor for heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, and arthritis, among other diseases.
One of the major impacts for lonely people is their extremely high risk for scams and fraudFraud In law, fraud is intentional deception to secure unfair or unlawful gain (money or other assets), or to deprive a victim of a legal right. Fraud can violate civil law (e.g., a fraud victim may sue the fraud perpetrator to avoid the fraud or recover monetary compensation) or criminal law (e.g., a fraud perpetrator may be prosecuted and imprisoned by governmental authorities), or it may cause no loss of money, property, or legal right but still be an element of another civil or criminal wrong. The purpose of fraud may be monetary gain or other benefits, for example by obtaining a passport, travel document, or driver's license, or mortgage fraud, where the perpetrator may attempt to qualify for a mortgage by way of false statements. A fraud can also be a hoax, which is a distinct concept that involves deliberate deception without the intention of gain or of materially damaging or depriving a victim.. Their loneliness (and associated attributes of insecurity, selfishness, etc.) make them ideal candidates for a fake romance or relationship.
Lonely people are also twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease, research suggests. The state of chronic loneliness may triggerTRIGGERS A trigger is a stimulus that sets off a memory of a trauma or a specific portion of a traumatic experience. adverse physiological responses such as the increased production of stress hormones, hinder sleep, and result in weakened immunity.
The Best Advice for Someone Who’s Feeling Isolated and Lonely
Introspection, connection, and interaction. These are the keys to overcoming loneliness!
- First, stay connected and make a daily effort to express gratitude – to yourself and others. Selfishness is a common danger in loneliness and it must be fought against – gratitude is the weapon to combat it.
- Next, do something helpful or nice for others (without expecting anything in return). Collaborate with others and work together in harmony. Volunteer to help people in need. Choose to engage with people (including strangers) on different levels and on a broad range of topics, and listen to them.
- Finally, share positive news (rather than negative information) and expect the best from people.
Finding and actively participating in a community of like people is an easy way to begin rebuilding bonds that connect you with others.
After being scammed, victims commonly ask for support, but they really have no idea what that is. Most often it is looking for a savior who can recover their money. Yet, while that is important, though most often impossible, it does not resolve their issues with loneliness. In fact, it is an expression of their lack of interest in resolving loneliness.
Many will find their way into communities of vigilantes and scammerScammer A Scammer or Fraudster is someone that engages in deception to obtain money or achieve another objective. They are criminals that attempt to deceive a victim into sending more or performing some other activity that benefits the scammer. haters, but this serves only to further isolate individuals by only linking them through their shared hate – this is not the basis of community development or deep personal connections.
Fortunately, there are real communities where victims can share and become a part of real communities, that can help fill a gap in their social connectedness. SCARS Support GroupsSupport Groups In a support group, members provide each other with various types of help, usually nonprofessional and nonmaterial, for a particular shared, usually burdensome, characteristic, such as romance scams. Members with the same issues can come together for sharing coping strategies, to feel more empowered and for a sense of community. The help may take the form of providing and evaluating relevant information, relating personal experiences, listening to and accepting others' experiences, providing sympathetic understanding and establishing social networks. A support group may also work to inform the public or engage in advocacy. They can be supervised or not. SCARS support groups are moderated by the SCARS Team and or volunteers. are designed to fill that role.
Regardless of what the community is, scam victims especially need to find a community where they feel at home and can belong. Where they can be open and honest (within limitations, of course), and where they can be trusted and trust others.
EVERY SCAM VICTIM SHOULD FIND SUCH COMMUNITIES
However, victims must recognize that they are going through processes of grief and recovering from traumaTrauma Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people. Traumatic experiences often involve a threat to life or safety or other emotional shocks, but any situation that leaves you feeling overwhelmed and isolated can result in trauma, even if it doesn’t involve physical harm. It’s not the objective circumstances that determine whether an event is traumatic, but your subjective emotional experience of the event. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatized. Trauma requires treatment, either through counseling or therapy or through trauma-oriented support programs, such as those offered by SCARS., and these can create hostile emotional states.
While someone can join and connect through a community, it is important to understand that communities will only accept behaviors that contribute to the group’s harmony and the person’s progress.
AngerAnger Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, trigger, hurt or threat. About one-third of scam victims become trapped in anger for extended periods of time following a scam. A person experiencing anger will often experience physical effects, such as increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as an emotion that triggers a part of the fight or flight response. Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and physiologically. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. While most of those who experience anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them", psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective observability. especially is an easy way to alienate a community and destroy the opportunity for a victim to fill that void and begin to overcome loneliness.
It is always important to be self-aware and do their best to moderate destructive emotions so that the gains made in a community are not lost by rash actions and behaviors.
Communities do not function through spectators. They work by active, even if intermittent, participation. Those that sit on the sidelines and just watch will not gain the benefit of the community, and in fact, can enhance or increase their loneliness.
It takes very little effort to step up and be an active part of a community, and the benefits are significant. But make no mistake, communities know who is not participating, and people will naturally pull away from those they see as willfully separate and unwilling to participate.
We hope this helps cast a new light on this topic and that you all can benefit.
Essential Tools For Every Scam SurvivorSurvivor A Scam Survivor is a victim who has been able to fully accept the reality of their situation. That they were the victim of a crime and are not to blame. They are working on their emotional recovery and reduction of any trauma either on their own, through a qualified support organization, or through counseling or therapy. And has done their duty and reported the crime to their local police, national police, and on Anyscam.com From SCARS Publishing
Each is based on our SCARS Team’s 32 plus years of experience.
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SCARS GREEN BOOK
Self-Help Self-Paced Recovery Program Guide
LEARN HOW TO RECOVER ON YOUR OWN
This program is designed to help scam victims struggling to recover on their own and for those who want to understand the overall process. You can be using other resources, such as trauma counselingCounseling Counseling is the professional guidance of the individual by utilizing psychological methods especially in collecting case history data, using various techniques of the personal interview, and testing interests and aptitudes. A mental health counselor (MHC), or counselor, is a person who works with individuals and groups to promote optimum mental and emotional health. Such persons may help individuals deal with issues associated with addiction and substance abuse; family, parenting, and marital problems; stress management; self-esteem; and aging. They may also work with "Social Workers", "Psychiatrists", and "Psychologists". SCARS does not provide mental health counseling. or therapy, qualified support groups, or completely independent – on your own!
The SCARS Steps program is a complete program and is provided for the purpose of helping scam victims to overcome this experience. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues and challenges that a victim may have and help guide them through their recovery. But each person is different and it is important to understand your own reasons for being vulnerable to being scammed.
After the trauma of being scammed, you need to take steps to recover and move on. This may be an alternative to counseling in the short term, but we still encourage you to seek out professional help & support. Throughout this SCARS Steps Program, we speak about issues, challenges, defects, or problems that a victim may have in a generalized way.
The SCARS GREEN BOOK will help you recover from your scam offline and it will always be there when you need it!
SCARS SLATE BOOK – Let Us Explain What Happened!
A Guide For Families & Friends Of Scam Victims
HOW TO HELP ROMANCE SCAM VICTIMS FOR FAMILIES & FRIENDS OF SCAM VICTIMS
This SCARS Publishing book represents a complete guide to help the families and friends understand how these scams work and how to help the victim.
The SCARS Slate Book should be purchased by family and friends to better understand what happened to the victim and the traumatic impact on them. But it can also be shared by the victim so that they do not have to explain to family and friends about the scam. This publication is to help others to help Scam Victims to make it through this traumatic experience and recover.
Each person is different and it is important to understand how relationship scamsRelationship Scam A Relationship Scam is a one-to-one criminal act that involves a trust relationship and uses deception & manipulation to get a victim to give to the criminal something of value, such as money! Click here to learn more: What Is A Relationship Scam? work and why people are vulnerable; to being scammed, how they were lured in, then groomed and manipulated. This understanding is essential in helping them through the process of ending the scam and then on to recovery. The SCARS Slate Book will provide the information necessary to help support a victim through this process.
SCARS RED BOOK
Your Personal Scam Evidence & Crime Record Organizer
ORGANIZE YOUR INFORMATION TO MAKE THE REPORTING PROCESS SIMPLE!
Helps you get and stay organized. This publication is to help Scam Victims organize their crime information. Complete this information before reporting to the police then bring this book with you
Before or after reporting to the police the RED BOOK gives you a dedicated tool to record all the essential facts of this crime. The Victim, the Scammers, the Money, and your Police interactions. Everything that really matters can be easily recorded for your immediate use and for the future!
As we have seen, money recovery/repayment programs can become available years after the scam ends and you need to keep all the details of this crime in case it is needed. We have also seen scammers being extradited to the U.S. and other countries, this will help in the event you testify or give statements, Additionally, this helps you have your information ready to qualify for victims’ benefits, compensation, or aid.
The Official SCARS RED BOOK is your way of recording all the important facts of this crime so that you do not lose essential information, Complete the RED BOOK then put it away with the confidence that you will have it if or when it is needed.
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Your generous purchase allows us to maintain our scam avoidance, support, and recovery services. Please help SCARS and stand proud.
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