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SCARS|RSN™ Psychology of Scams: How Do You Get Closure?
Closure Can Mean Different Things For Different People
CLOSURE may be what someone needs to move on after a long relationship, after the death of a loved one, after a traumatic childhood event, or to overcome feelings of guilt for hurting someone in the past.
However, closure after a romance scam is a different matter entirely.
With a Romance Scam, there is no body to bury, there is no real person, no criminal arrest, no recovery of your money. You are left with just thin air, a blank screen, and all of the after effects of addiction and grief all rolled into one.
If you are seeking closure after a romance scam then there are some strategies that you can use to get closure.
First, Let Us Say That Recovering From A Romance Scams Is Not Easy!
You are going to go through hell before you can feel safe and comfortable again. But we have helped thousands go through this over our 28-year history and you can get through this too.
If you need help you have several options available to you. We offer real safe scam victim support groups, or you can seek counseling or therapy locally. But do not let yourself be drawn into an Anti-Scam Hate group that just obsesses over scammer photos, or Scam Baiter groups that spend their time in the delusion that they are going to stop scammers by wasting the scammers time with silly games. Get the help you need – we are here to help you.
Some Experts Suggest That You Determine What Closure Means To You
Rather, plan a roadmap of the progress you hope to make, try to figure out what closure really means for you. But it has to be realistic for the situation.
WHAT IS REALISTIC?
This is where you will have to confront some very hard truths. Nothing about the truth will be easy. It has hard edges and sharp blades – it hurts.
Let’s explore the basic facts of a Romance or other Relationship Scam:
- You lost your heart to someone that was not real – it was probably a stolen face that doesn’t even know you exist
- Everything you were told was a lie – the name, the history, the relationship
- You lost money – maybe everything you had – to a scammer
- Maybe you don’t even know the real identity of the scammer
- Law enforcement has their hands tied because the criminal is overseas and untouchable
- Even if the scammer is arrested you will probably never know
As Hard as it is these are the truths that you must accept before you can begin to get closure. But closure is not a single moment, it is a process and is part of the larger path of recovery.
What Is The First Real Step?
As we have said to hundreds of thousands of victims, the path begins with the first step. That first step is to acknowledge that it happened and you need help.
It is surprising how many people try to deny they were in a romance scam. They bury it in their soul to fester instead of bringing it out into the light to fade away.
You are going to be in real emotional turmoil after you discover the scam – everything is raw – all the stages of grief. Plus, since these fake romances play heavily with your brain and hormones there are addictive qualities as well. You are going to have to deal with all of this and it is not easy, but you can do it. Especially with help.
Help can come from different directions:
- It can come from family and friends if you have them that you trust and will help you
- It can come from a SCARS Scam Victim Support Group (click here for one of ours »)
- It can come from a local Counselor or Therapist (click here to find one »)
- It can come from learning and understanding (this website is an encyclopedia of scam knowledge »)
- It can come from talking with other victims (but be careful – see below)
Help can come from many different places. Almost all of it will help you in some ways.
BE VERY CAREFUL
Help can also come from the worst places that will drive you in the wrong direction too.
In the frenzy to cope with scams, many victims turn to denial or anger. Some develop strong “Messiah Complexes” that leads them to believe they are the only ones that can save other victims. Others believe that because they were a victim they are now instant experts – nothing could be farther from the truth. They form groups that we refer to as Anti-Scam Hate groups that use your anger and hate to fuel their needs and only leave you more traumatized and disillusioned in the end. They spew out hate or wrong information that can leave you more traumatized, not less. Avoid these.
Steps To Closure
We have said that closure is a process. That process is about turning away from the event and looking to your future.
The human mind is an amazing device and if you give it half a chance it will fix itself.
The following are things that you can decide to do that will help you find the Closure that you seek!
1] Acknowledge It Happened
Before anything else tell yourself that you accept that it happened.
Why does this matter? Because it is the act of stopping the second-guessing and letting it be real. It happened. Nothing you can do about it now. Now you have to deal with what is in front of you and also learn to prevent it from ever happening again.
Like all crime victims, you will endlessly replay the event over and over. How you could have prevented it, what you could have done differently. But none of that matters be