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A SCARS|RSN™ Guest Editorial By Michele Difalco

The following is a Guest Editorial by Michele Difalco – an Anti-Scam Victims’ Support Volunteer, Scam Survivor, and Healthcare Professional. Michelle plays an important role in directly helping scam victims to recover in Support Groups of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.

Do Not Blame Yourself

Do Not Blame Yourself. The scammers appeal to our sense of trust and compassion!

They are experts at adjusting their scripts to appear legitimate, whether it be their forgeries, ID’s or bogus web pages, they all appear to be reliable official institutions or so called established reputable businesses.

We become “addicted” to the viceral triggers they set up to exploit our basic human desires and needs. We become powerless to our own reactions. They count on the triggers that make us focus on the drama that is “unique to them.” They also emphasise the urgency of their situation because this considerbly reduces our ability to process the scam content objectively even when we question their resources and situations

We developed a behavioral commitment. Without us knowing, the scammers ask their potential victims to make small steps of compliance and this drew us in.

In hindsight we can now see the disproportionate relation between the scammers keeping their promises and the cost of their promises coming to fruition.

We are led to focus on the future relationship and plans which makes the money we sent look rather small by comparison.

Did we develop a lack of emotional control. Yes.

That’s the psychological – social control that they exert over us. We became unduly open to their situation and their persuasion.

Our vulnerability was on overload . We were socially isolated, because of the nature of social networks we tended to regulate our emotions when we otherwise might not.

Now we are dealing with guilt.

A powerful emotion the scammers count on. No matter how powerful the pull, continue to ignore, block, delete and report the scammers. We were deliberately deceived, robbed emotionally and financially raped by these amoral creatures who have no regard for the damage they purposely incurred.

There are no physical signs of the abuse we endured. Yet we are scarred.

You are at no time at fault or to blame for this crime against you. The scam is designed to make the victim to feel self-blame.

The scammer is a criminal who is responsible for the cyber-crime.

Please do not feel stupid or guilty, put the blame where it belongs on the scammers! SCARS|RSN has continued to help me with education, support and fellowship that is needed to heal.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then do better.”
Maya Angelou

Michele Difalco
New Jersey U.S.A.

Feel free to leave a comment for [author] or SCARS|RSN in the comments below!


TAGS: Michele Difalco, Never Be Ashamed, Do Not Blame Yourself, No Self-Blame, Do Better,


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FAQ: How Do You Properly Report Scammers?

It is essential that law enforcement knows about scams & scammers, even though there is nothing (in most cases) that they can do.

Always report scams involving money lost or where you received money to:

  1. Local Police – ask them to take an “informational” police report – say you need it for your insurance
  2. Your National Police or FBI (www.IC3.gov)
  3. The SCARS|CDN™ Cybercriminal Data Network – Worldwide Reporting Network HERE or on www.Anyscam.com

This helps your government understand the problem, and allows law enforcement to add scammers on watch lists worldwide.

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SCARS|EDUCATION™ RomanceScamsNow.com™ is the official knowledge and victims' support publication of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams™ Incorporated [SCARS]™ It is edited and published by the SCARS Team. [email protected] SCARS is the world's leading anti-scam charitable nonprofit nongovernmental organization, based in Miami Florida U.S.A. Its founder has been involved in combating online fraud since 1991. SCARS™ - the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc. is a charitable nonprofit nongovernmental organization (NGO) dedicated to advocating victim's causes and changing government and law enforcement attitudes toward online fraud for good! Please join us in becoming a member of SCARS - it's free! Add your voice so that the world will listen at last - just go to www.AgainstScams.org. The SCARS|RSN website and all of our publications (including social media) are maintained by our own staff employees and volunteers to provide you the most up to date information about scams & scammers from around the world. We show you how to avoid them or recover from them. SCARS is the only registered online crime victims' assistance & support organization in the world. Be sure to report scammers here. Also, visit our main Facebook page for more information about romance scams.