SCARS Institute’s Encyclopedia of Scams™ Published Continuously for 25 Years
A SCARS™ Guest Editorial By Michele Difalco
The following is a Guest Editorial by Michele Difalco – an Anti-Scam Victims’ Support Volunteer, Scam Survivor, and Healthcare Professional. Michelle plays an important role in directly helping scam victims to recover in Support Groups of the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Inc.
Do Not Blame Yourself
Do Not Blame Yourself. The scammers appeal to our sense of trust and compassion!
They are experts at adjusting their scripts to appear legitimate, whether it be their forgeries, ID’s or bogus web pages, they all appear to be reliable official institutions or so called established reputable businesses.
We become “addicted” to the viceral triggers they set up to exploit our basic human desires and needs. We become powerless to our own reactions. They count on the triggers that make us focus on the drama that is “unique to them.” They also emphasise the urgency of their situation because this considerbly reduces our ability to process the scam content objectively even when we question their resources and situations
We developed a behavioral commitment. Without us knowing, the scammers ask their potential victims to make small steps of compliance and this drew us in.
In hindsight we can now see the disproportionate relation between the scammers keeping their promises and the cost of their promises coming to fruition.
We are led to focus on the future relationship and plans which makes the money we sent look rather small by comparison.
Did we develop a lack of emotional control. Yes.
That’s the psychological – social control that they exert over us. We became unduly open to their situation and their persuasion.
Our vulnerability was on overload . We were socially isolated, because of the nature of social networks we tended to regulate our emotions when we otherwise might not.
Now we are dealing with guilt.
A powerful emotion the scammers count on. No matter how powerful the pull, continue to ignore, block, delete and report the scammers. We were deliberately deceived, robbed emotionally and financially raped by these amoral creatures who have no regard for the damage they purposely incurred.
There are no physical signs of the abuse we endured. Yet we are scarred.
You are at no time at fault or to blame for this crime against you. The scam is designed to make the victim to feel self-blame.
The scammer is a criminal who is responsible for the cyber-crime.
Please do not feel stupid or guilty, put the blame where it belongs on the scammers! SCARS has continued to help me with education, support and fellowship that is needed to heal.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then do better.”
Maya Angelou
Michele Difalco
New Jersey U.S.A.
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TAGS: Michele Difalco, Never Be Ashamed, Do Not Blame Yourself, No Self-Blame, Do Better,
END
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FAQ: How Do You Properly Report Scammers?
It is essential that law enforcement knows about scams & scammers, even though there is nothing (in most cases) that they can do.
Always report scams involving money lost or where you received money to:
- Local Police – ask them to take an “informational” police report – say you need it for your insurance
- Your National Police or FBI (www.IC3.gov)
- The SCARS|CDN™ Cybercriminal Data Network – Worldwide Reporting Network HERE or on www.Anyscam.com
This helps your government understand the problem, and allows law enforcement to add scammers on watch lists worldwide.
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Visit our NEW Main SCARS Facebook page for much more information about scams and online crime: www.facebook.com/SCARS.News.And.Information
To learn more about SCARS visit www.AgainstScams.org
Please be sure to report all scammers HERE or on www.Anyscam.com
All original content is Copyright © 1991 – 2020 SCARS All Rights Reserved Worldwide & Webwide – RSN/Romance Scams Now & SCARS/Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams are all trademarks of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated (formerly the Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams)
Legal Notices:
All original content is Copyright © 1991 – 2020 SCARS All Rights Reserved Worldwide & Webwide. Third-party copyrights acknowledge.
SCARS, RSN, Romance Scams Now, SCARS|GLOBAL, SCARS, Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams, Society of Citizens Against Romance Scams, SCARS|ANYSCAM, Project Anyscam, Anyscam, SCARS|GOFCH, GOFCH, SCARS|CHINA, SCARS|CDN, SCARS Cybercriminal Data Network, Cobalt Alert, Scam Victims Support Group, are all trademarks of Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated.
Contact the law firm for the Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams Incorporated by email at legal@AgainstScams.org
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Table of Contents
- Do Not Blame Yourself
- Do Not Blame Yourself. The scammers appeal to our sense of trust and compassion!
- “Do the best you can until you know better. Then do better.”
Maya Angelou - Tell us about your experiences with Romance Scammers in our Scams Discussion Forum on Facebook »
- Please be sure to report all scammers HERE or on www.Anyscam.com
Rapid Report Scammers
In the U.S. & Canada
U.S. & Canada Suicide Lifeline 988
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Important Information for New Scam Victims
- Please visit www.ScamVictimsSupport.org – a SCARS Website for New Scam Victims & Sextortion Victims
- Enroll in FREE SCARS Scam Survivor’s School now at www.SCARSeducation.org
- Please visit www.ScamPsychology.org – to more fully understand the psychological concepts involved in scams and scam victim recovery
If you are looking for local trauma counselors please visit counseling.AgainstScams.org or join SCARS for our counseling/therapy benefit: membership.AgainstScams.org
If you need to speak with someone now, you can dial 988 or find phone numbers for crisis hotlines all around the world here: www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines
A Note About Labeling!
We often use the term ‘scam victim’ in our articles, but this is a convenience to help those searching for information in search engines like Google. It is just a convenience and has no deeper meaning. If you have come through such an experience, YOU are a Survivor! It was not your fault. You are not alone! Axios!
A Question of Trust
At the SCARS Institute, we invite you to do your own research on the topics we speak about and publish, Our team investigates the subject being discussed, especially when it comes to understanding the scam victims-survivors experience. You can do Google searches but in many cases, you will have to wade through scientific papers and studies. However, remember that biases and perspectives matter and influence the outcome. Regardless, we encourage you to explore these topics as thoroughly as you can for your own awareness.
Statement About Victim Blaming
Some of our articles discuss various aspects of victims. This is both about better understanding victims (the science of victimology) and their behaviors and psychology. This helps us to educate victims/survivors about why these crimes happened and to not blame themselves, better develop recovery programs, and to help victims avoid scams in the future. At times this may sound like blaming the victim, but it does not blame scam victims, we are simply explaining the hows and whys of the experience victims have.
These articles, about the Psychology of Scams or Victim Psychology – meaning that all humans have psychological or cognitive characteristics in common that can either be exploited or work against us – help us all to understand the unique challenges victims face before, during, and after scams, fraud, or cybercrimes. These sometimes talk about some of the vulnerabilities the scammers exploit. Victims rarely have control of them or are even aware of them, until something like a scam happens and then they can learn how their mind works and how to overcome these mechanisms.
Articles like these help victims and others understand these processes and how to help prevent them from being exploited again or to help them recover more easily by understanding their post-scam behaviors. Learn more about the Psychology of Scams at www.ScamPsychology.org
Psychology Disclaimer:
All articles about psychology and the human brain on this website are for information & education only
The information provided in this article is intended for educational and self-help purposes only and should not be construed as a substitute for professional therapy or counseling.
While any self-help techniques outlined herein may be beneficial for scam victims seeking to recover from their experience and move towards recovery, it is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before initiating any course of action. Each individual’s experience and needs are unique, and what works for one person may not be suitable for another.
Additionally, any approach may not be appropriate for individuals with certain pre-existing mental health conditions or trauma histories. It is advisable to seek guidance from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide personalized support, guidance, and treatment tailored to your specific needs.
If you are experiencing significant distress or emotional difficulties related to a scam or other traumatic event, please consult your doctor or mental health provider for appropriate care and support.
Also read our SCARS Institute Statement about Professional Care for Scam Victims – click here to go to our ScamsNOW.com website.
“Don’t blame yourself” these words spoken by a victim of a scam greatly motivate all of us- victims of fraud to come out of isolation and start the healing process.
Thanks Michele for this article.
Thank you Michele for the comments and the feelings expressed. I appreciate all that you and SCARS have offered me and my goals align with staying committed to healing and recovery. I agree with everything stated here in your comments. Before my crime I had no thoughts whatsoever that I could ever be scammed. I thought I was prepared, I thought I was educated, I thought I could recognize a scam. I was very wrong. And while it was happening…I still could not see it, just momentary red flags that I questioned myself as to their validity.
I really appreciate the encouragement mixed with factual information in the SCARS articles. It’s great to learn the truth and know how to move forward with a positive mindset.
I was scammed by an American soldier named Mike Anthony bitner and now I cannot get a bank account because they say I defrauders them when I didn’t know what was going on I believed him when he said he was going to come over and meet me for three and half years I believed him he was arrested and kicked out of the army but I’m in a position where I can’t get a high street bank account I’m the victim here
We are sorry this happened to you. That is the risk of giving your banking information to someone you have never met. You may have to hire an attorney to resolve your issues. You should also speak with the local police to see if they have a victims advocate service to help you understand the options available in the UK.